The Soldier Next Door

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic

It’s like a drop of honey, a field of tulips blooming in the springtime. It’s a fresh rain, a whispered promise, a cloudless sky, the perfect punctuation mark at the end of a sentence. And it’s the only thing in the world keeping me afloat

Hope is not about proving anything. It’s about choosing to believe this one thing, that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us, and as long as the sun’s shining, shit can’t be that bad.

One resolution I have made, and always try to keep, is this: ‘To rise above little things.’ Keep a little fire burning; however small, however, hidden. Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. Trust. Hope. Love. Wish. Believe. Most of all, enjoy every moment of the journey and appreciate where you are at this moment instead of always focusing on how far you have to go.

Hope says that it isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. It may be the thing that pulls you forward, maybe the thing that keeps you going, but that it’s dangerous, that it’s painful and risky, that it’s making a dare in the world, and when has the world ever let us win a dare?

They say that each person is placed on earth to learn a certain lesson, and you will continue to be reincarnated until you have to find the lesson that you need to learn.

And this is my lesson.

To care about someone other than myself. Not to become selfish.

It has been four days since the spike in his heart rate; there has been no other improvement.

I thought that he was getting better. Why does it feel like he is getting worse?

My mom is moving around much more freely; when she has the strength, she will come to sit here by his side. I can hear how softly she prays for him. It feels like she is losing the love of her life. I know exactly how she feels, for if that were Ana laying there, my heart would be swept off the floor.

So yes, you die a little bit every second as the clock ticks, and nothing seems to happen.

Our lives have been put on hold, and we are forced to go through the greatest agony of them all. It feels like each day; you need to make it count. That today might be the day that the beeping machine will still make a sound.

The thing is that, in a way, you need to make peace with yourself. There is nothing that anyone of us could have done differently. Yet, another lesson for me to learn, make peace and forgive myself.

My dad might stare a certain death in the face, but we need to make that peace that he is fighting this battle as hard as he wants it to be. Yes, our lives are nothing without him, but this is not about us; this is about him.

The end might be near, just as this day is drawing to its very end, but one thing that is consistent is that hope and that peace. Without hanging onto that, we would be chasing our own tails in the dark. But when darkness sets in, it makes way for a starry night, which then makes us believe in those little things called miracles.

And with miracles in mind, another two days pass.

There is what the Doctor is getting overexcited, a slight decrease in the pressure on his brain.

So the very moment, he said that there was not one dry eye in the room, for we all started to believe in something new called faith. Just when we were all starting to lose hope, and everything started to seem dire and bleak, our hearts that were slowly dying found that silver lining that was pushing through the dark clouds.

And this is where Ana comes with the most profound; we need to believe and embrace the present with courage and hope. We need to accept that my dad is going nowhere; for as long as he can spread his wings, the winds will carry him where he needs to be.

And she firmly believes that my dad is going nowhere but home.

But yet then I need to remind her that we all get second chances, but how many seconds have my dad had, is there one last miracle left for him?

This is what we sit and wonder for the next three days.

In and out of his hospital room in shifts, trying not to upset the balance of things that are starting to look better.

The swelling has now gone half of what it used to be. The Doctor and all of us are very optimistic. But we are now leaning towards what the tests will say that the Doctor will be doing in the next few hours. Is my dad going to wake up a complete man, or will parts of his brain have died?

But this is not a thought that we wish to entertain. My dad is one of the bravest people that I know. I know that he will be intact. I have always been in awe of his bravery, and I hope that now, with this illness, that he will take it on just as he does everything else that life throws at him.

Watching him as he lays in that bed day in and day out has given me a newfound appreciation for everything that he has ever done for me. He did not only take care of my mom as his wife, but he put a lot of effort into raising us boys. I can with certainty say that he is my superman, and I want to be the same for my wife and child one day.

So lesson being learned, I want him to know how grateful I am to have such a wonderful dad in my life. I am thankful for every day that he is a blessing in my life. I want to thank him mostly for always being there for me, even when I gave him the world of hell when I wanted to become a Marine.

I hate seeing him go through this; it is unfair. Life is brutally unfair. He deserves so much. I wish I could take all of his pain and make it mine, but I cant. So I will be there for him as much as I can. I will stop being selfish and think of the life of someone else’s.

And as another three days come around, I am still reminded how much I love him.

The swelling is still dropping, and we are patiently waiting for the green light to go ahead with the tests. To my utmost frustration, this Doctor, whom I feel is completely useless, has put them off to wait for the swelling to drop even more.

As for my mom, she is now free to go home, but as can be expected, she has not left my dad’s side. Matty, Ana, and even more surprising, Gibbs is still here. For illness, near death, to bring a family together like this is a miracle on its own.

Perhaps that is what a miracle truly is, the support and love you have from the ones that are holding you dearly in their hands. People are miracles, not things; that is one thing that I have come to learn. Giving up yourself to care and love for someone else now that is the greatest gift and the biggest lesson to learn.

So this just brings me to this, FIGHT. We are not yet ready to let the old man go, and we all are willing to FIGHT. I AM WILLING TO FIGHT FOR IT.

I am willing to make the sacrifices.

And it is those sacrifices that I make for another four days.

It has been around three weeks that we have all raged this battle.Belonging to NôvelDrama.Org.

Each time I look at him, it seems that my heart breaks some more. My eyes are etched with pain; it feels like I am the one that is fading away.

It has been such a long time, I am trying to stay strong, but my own deterioration has been so rapid. I am struggling to cope, and even more, I am struggling to accept that I do not know what is going to happen.

Even though he is still here, it feels as if I am already in mourning; I feel that there is a big part of my life that has gone. I can imagine not having him in my life; I am feeling completely helpless.

Yet, then when I hit rock bottom, I have Ana taking my hand and reminding me that now is the time to have faith. We need to believe.

So as they wheel him out of the room to go have those tests finally done, for the swelling is now completely gone, we all stand and hold hands, reminding –

Faith is about believing. You don’t know how it will happen, but it will happen.

Have patience; all things are difficult before they become easy.

Fight! This is only going to be a chapter in your life. Not a whole story.

Don’t stop believing in yourself, no matter what happens.

Accept it. At some point, you are going to have to accept that this is not your fault. There is nothing that you can do about it.

Forgive yourself. There is nothing that you could have done differently.

Forget about it. Don’t be a prisoner of things that you cannot change.

And at the end of this, my dad will learn YOU ARE NOT LEAVING US BEHIND.