Winning My Ex-Crush

Fenella’s POV

“What? Why?”

I was confused when he handed the gift back to me.

“I’m pleased with your gift, but I think it’s too expensive for a regular gift. I feel guilty for burdening you.” Adam explained it to me with a sad smile.

“I’m okay, really. I sincerely wanted to give it to you.” I said it hesitantly because his reaction didn’t match my expectations.

“No, Fenella. I can’t accept this gift from you. I don’t want you to sacrifice your savings to buy me this expensive gift. I can still ask my dad for it.” He looked away from me. “Sorry, Fenella. You should return it to the store and get your money back.”

Everything around me felt dark. I couldn’t think, and it felt like the sky was getting darker. I didn’t understand. But it felt like I was just rejected.

With tears held back, I bit my lower lip hard. Embarrassed by his rejection, I quickly returned to my bike. I put the gift back in the basket and immediately pedaled my bike away without saying anything else.

It felt so embarrassing. I cried silently. I didn’t want Adam to know that I was crying, so I pedaled my bike as quickly as possible.

Foolish girl! Foolish girl!

I cursed myself. What Laird said was true. Although I had tried so hard, it seemed like the world still didn’t support me.

I struggled to hold back my tears while pedaling the bike. Until, at a safe distance from Adam’s house, I finally burst into tears. My vision became blurry, and my eyes felt hot. Tears flowed incessantly, not stopping until I thought the rain had fallen.

“Fenella!”

Someone called my name. I looked up from the road and saw Josh. Then a beautiful teenage girl who asked for Laird’s help yesterday stood there looking at me with furrowed brows. Then, beside Josh, I clearly saw the figure of the dark-blonde boy.

As soon as I saw Laird, I turned away and pretended not to see him. I kept pedaling my bike. As I passed by them, Josh greeted me again.

“Hey, Fenella! Why are you crying?”

I ignored the question and kept trying to pedal my bike. Unfortunately, Josh ran after me, and with my poor bike speed, he managed to hold onto my bike until it stopped.

“Let go!”

I shouted loudly, but he didn’t let me go. His hands were stronger; he held onto my bike’s handlebars until I almost fell.

“Hey, why are you crying? Laird is really worried about you, and he followed you here.”

I remained silent and stared at the road. I felt so embarrassed and didn’t want to meet Laird’s gaze.

“Let her go, Josh. She just got rejected by her crush.” Laird’s voice suddenly sounded again.Property of Nô)(velDr(a)ma.Org.

My feelings became chaotic. There was anger mixed with embarrassment that I couldn’t control. I cried uncontrollably while my hands covered my wet face.

“Really?” Josh asked again, making sure of my feelings.

My tears seemed to be the answer for him. Unfortunately, the boy didn’t want to leave me alone. With his teasing laughter, Josh kept talking and joking.

“Ah, forget about that boy. Let him reject you; you still have Laird. He likes you a lot.”

Hearing Josh’s words, I immediately flinched. The irritation surged even more, and I couldn’t think clearly anymore.

“Hey, who said that?! No! Stop it, Josh!” This time Laird pulled Josh’s body and tried to silence him.

“Come on, Laird. It’s okay. Just say that, so she won’t be sad anymore.” Josh continued to laugh with his teasing.

I felt even more annoyed as Josh’s jokes began to seem unfunny. He was annoying and really rude. The girl next to Josh tried to intervene and restrain him.

“Stop it, Josh. Leave them alone. Don’t tease them anymore.”

Yes, that’s right. Stop all this mischief. Stop all this nonsense. What did he say? Laird Evans likes me. Ha!

After everything he did to me and after all his words that belittled me, even I couldn’t fight back because his words about Adam rejecting me were proven true. I felt so embarrassed.

“Hey, Baxter. You like Laird, right? He likes you too, so don’t waste it,” Josh said again, and I became even more irritated.

“Stop!” I shouted as loud as I could.

“I don’t like Laird! I hate him!”

Instantaneously, I could only hear silence. But strangely, Josh, the insolent one, slowly opened his mouth again.

“Hey, why did you say that? That’s so mean. Look, Laird is crying now.”

“Because of you! Stop it, Josh!” The girl hit Josh and quickly pulled him away.

I couldn’t believe it, so I turned to Laird. The sight I saw now was strange, but real. Laird was crying loudly, like a toddler who had just lost his candy. His face was red, and tears flowed freely.

My mouth gaped in amazement. Not knowing what to do, I chose to pedal my bike away from there. I didn’t look back anymore.

When I arrived home, I cried loudly. I buried my face in the pillow and cried for a long time.

How could this happen? Why did everything become so messed up?

***

Since that day’s incident, I have never spoken to Laird again. There was a lingering sense of shame that kept haunting me, deterring me from even just greeting him. It was the same for him. We didn’t speak to each other for a long time.

Due to the mess of my feelings and my embarrassment toward those two boys, I asked to switch seats with Cath. I ended up sitting by the window in the second front row, while Laird and Adam were in the back row with Cath. That way, I didn’t have to see them, not even their backs.

Sometimes I wonder why I was so hurt by that incident. I thought it was all because of my ego and pride. But after reading some books about teenage romance, I realized maybe this was what they called being a coward.

Back then, I used to call Laird a coward for running away from problems. It turns out now that I’m the coward. I’m avoiding them, not intending to mend the rift between Laird and myself.

A few times, Laird tried to greet me, but I just responded by turning my face away. The same was true of Adam, who seemed fine without being bothered by me anymore.

I didn’t spend Christmas break with Laird either. I asked my parents to stay at my grandparents’ house for the entire Christmas break. As a result, my family only managed to give a Christmas hamper to the Evans family via Aunt Myers.

Sometimes I still come to watch Laird’s baseball team play. However, I dress up in disguise as a boy. I intentionally wear large black-framed glasses, tuck all my hair under a red baseball cap, and wear a large black jacket. That way, I can still cheer Laird on silently without having to meet Laird or Josh, the dumb chatterbox.

During the summer break, Laird finally made it onto the Majors team after turning 12. Upon closer observation, it seemed like he was more focused on baseball. But that didn’t mean his academic grades dropped; quite the opposite. He was always the star student, shining even brighter.

Seeing that actually made me sad. I felt like Laird no longer cared about me, but I suppose that’s fair. All in all, I ignored him.

As we entered 5th grade, our relationship became more distant. We were in different classes, and I started to lose track of how Laird was doing. I only heard about him occasionally when my mom compared me to the impressive Evans brothers.