The Wicked Mrs. Gastrell (English version)

My hand moves quickly over the piano keyboard. Each release of the note goes hand in hand with the disaster that has been living inside me for years. Heavy, fast music soared through the air. I closed my eyes and raised my face as my fingers continued to chase.

I’m sorry.Exclusive content © by Nô(v)el/Dr/ama.Org.

His mother’s words echoed in my mind earlier. Why do they tend to say sorry as if that word will erase all the bitterness and pain they have put me through.

Sorry? Her sorry doesn’t even make me feel a bit alright. It just made me feel worse because their apologies only prove how I let them trampled all over me.

It reminded me of my losses, of how I just yielded onto them without a fight. I just resigned to my fucking fate wholeheartedly and didn’t even put up a fight. I just accepted all that without complaint. I didn’t fight at all.

If only I’m stronger enough then they wouldn’t have done that to me which is why I will never understand how they can easily spurt out the word as if they mean it.

How can they be sorry if they killed a person? Sorry is supposed to be said if you’ve accidentally spilled someone’s tea or a coffee, or you had forgotten about an occasion. Sorry is such a shallow word to tell it to the face of someone you just killed.

But I guess I have to live with that sorry now. I’m done here. I can’t continue doing it. I’m very tired. I didn’t know how tired I was until yesterday.

This is it. I’ve done my part.

I lifted my hand in the air and sank it back down again to play the last of the notes. Breathing hard, I opened my wet eyes and stared at the entire mansion that I was about to leave.

I heard heavy breathing behind me followed by the sound of a wine bottle being opened. I didn’t have to turn my back to know it’s Cholo but I still did anyway. I wanted to see him as often as I can today. Our eyes met. His whole face is dark. His eyebrows met, his mouth closed as he brought the glass to his mouth.

“So it’s Veronika Alcantara now?” he said in a cold voice.

His words cut my heart into pieces.

I put down the cover of the piano and turned around on the stool I was sitting on to face my husband.

“No, I’m still Karina Gastrell, Cholo. Your wife.”

“My wife?” he laughed sarcastically. “My wife… That sounds strange to my ears now.”

“Does it?” I said weakly. “Why? Don’t you want me to be your wife anymore? You didn’t love me anymore?”

“Bullshit!” he shouted while throwing a glass at the wall. I just stared at the bubbles and liquids on the floor and walls.

“How could you do this to me, Karina?” his eyes were full of pain when he turned to me. “I protected you from everything, from everyone. I risked my name and reputation to protect you and now I will find out that you are the real culprit of all this? What have I done to you to do this all to me?”

I stood up and sat on the sofa. “Relax, Cholo. Calm it down.”

“Calm down?! You’re asking me to calm down?! How can I calm down when my wife whom I love so much and would give her everything in the world had just betrayed me?! And I didn’t see any remorse in your eyes, Karina. How can I calm down if I’ve confirmed that you’re just hitting me on the head?! You made me a fool! You tricked me with your venom so you can get what you want from me and what your entire clan wants! Is that why you came back to me? To seduce me and use your body for you to take the project? You put me through your drama and I, a fool, accepted you generously. Does it make you happy to make a fool out of me, wife?”

I took a deep breath and looked up at Cholo whose face was red with anger.

“Are you done? I can give you another time if you’re still not finished,” I said while staring at him.

The tendons in his neck moved before he took a step between us and grabbed me firmly by both shoulders. He pushed me into the sofa while gritting his teeth in anger. I did not put up any resistance. I just let him do what he wanted with me.

“Do you know what you did? You just pushed Elizabeth to the brink. I’m afraid she’ll be confined again to the mental asylum, Karina. Years of therapy are going to waste because of you. Karina, what have you become? Why is it so easy for you to hurt other people? What do you get out of that?”

I grinned at what I heard and cheered. “Oh that was nice! I’m happy I have succeeded! The plan all along is to make her crazy and now that you told me that she’s losing her sanity, I can say that I’m done with my mission. I didn’t kill anyone, didn’t have to stain my hand with blood but I got my revenge. Think about it, Elizabeth’s current state will always remind the Asturias and Ymir of what they did to me. All day, they will be reminded of my wrath through the suffering of their precious princess! They will never ever forget my name for killing them as slowly and as painfully as I have wanted them to be! Sure, they’ll curse my name, defile it in their ways but they’ll never run from their own wicked fangs. Serve them right, right?”

Cholo looked at me dead in the eyes as if he didn’t know me at all.

That’s right, Cholo. Stare at me with those judging eyes.

“Why? Why do you have to do this?” he asked in a strained voice, tears welling up in his eyes. “I already confessed to you, you remember? The first time you left me was hell for me, Karina. I was useless that time. It’s the first time I feel so worthless for not making you stay but… but why are you breaking me again as if I don’t mean nothing to you? Why? Do you hate me that much because I had a relationship with her? That was all in the past before you came back. But why didn’t you include my face in that video scandal? What’s it really that you want to do, Karina?!”

“You’re not listening,” I answered softly.

“I am listening to you! Always! I listened to you every time you’re crying outside every night when you thought no one could hear you. I always listen to your heartbeat every time you think I’m asleep, to your bitter laughs and sad voices that you’re trying to hide from me. Karina, can’t you see that I’m here for you, always willing to listen to you because I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said and let the tears fall. “But I also love my family who has perished in the hands of your friends, Cholo. You feel so useless then, well, I feel so fucking useless too back then until now. I personally witnessed them shooting my brother in front of me.” My voice was shaking at that point. “Do you know that feeling where your heart is torn with anger but you can’t do anything because you’re just poor? That because I’m a small person I don’t have the capacity to give them justice? Do you know how fucking painful it is to see you brother’s blood spilt all over you while you’re wishing against the damn fate to let him live because I can’t fucking imagine burying him together with my dead father in the same day?!” I shouted at him.

“W-What are you saying?” he whispered, his hands on my shoulders slowly sliding down back to his sides. Suddenly, the anger disappeared from his face and confusion took over.

“I thought you’re listening? Can’t you figure it all out yet?” I whispered as I pushed him away so I could stand up. I picked up his wine bottle from the floor and drank from it. And then I spun back around to see my husband in a state of complete shock and distress.

“You left Cerro Roca… You left me to be with another man,” he mumbled while looking down at the floor.

I gasped in disbelief and laughed. “That’s what Ymir wanted you to believe, which you gladly accepted. I didn’t leave you just because I wanted to! I was forced to! God knows how much I wanted to be with you! I love you! You are my first love, my first in everything! He threatened me and my family. Yes, I initially agreed but I backed out at the last second so he kidnapped me and shipped me off to an unknown place. And as if it’s not enough, he left my father to die in the hospital and killed my brother!”

Shock registered on his face as he opened his mouth to say something but he wasn’t able to say anything. He just stood there, shocked, and couldn’t even say a word.

“He… he killed your family?” he finally said and took a step to me.

I took a step back and shook my head.

“Stop. Don’t come any closer.. Don’t touch me. I have to let this all out once and for all.”

He stopped walking and took a deep breath. I sat on the stool again and drank from the bottle. I violently wiped my tear-covered face.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he said in his lowest voice, close to a whisper, just enough for me to hear. He sat on the sofa and stared at me. His aura has returned to its former calmness and only pity and concern are left in his eyes.

“I could have protected you. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling at that particular moment. Why didn’t you come to me? No matter the consequences, you know I will still have you and accept you.”

“I did. I went back to Cerro Roca but you just ignored me. I saw you kissing Elizabeth outside and man, I felt like I was stabbed at those moments.” I breathed long and hard to keep myself from breaking down. “I begged to talk to you but they said you didn’t want to face me. But of course I still waited. I trust you. You said you’ll be there for me so I held on to your promise. But nothing. You still ignored me. You just looked at me as if you didn’t know me at all. Tell me, Cholo. Do you really think so little of me to believe that I left and went with another man? Did it not even occur to you that maybe something has happened to me? Maybe I didn’t really do that?”

He shook his head vigorously. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know, Karina. And I don’t recall ever seeing you in the house. No one told me about you. God, if only I knew sooner then I would have searched the whole world for you. After you disappeared, I personally looked for you but all I got is that footage where you are leaving the Cerro Roca with a man. I was devastated. I was in a self-destructive state at that time so I agreed to Ymir entertaining Elizabeth after she got out of the mental institution. It’s wrong, I know. I was wrong. And I was an idiot for believing it right away, for not seeking the truth and for not uncovering that I have been played at, that we have been played at.”

I can feel that he’s really telling me the truth. Maybe he really didn’t see me that afternoon.

“Okay, Cholo. I believe you. But that particular dent in our fate caused the biggest misfortune in my life. How many times I wished I could have talked to you that day. For several years, I blamed myself for allowing my shame to overrule my mind. I should have returned to your house the next day. I should have followed you and forced myself to talk to you because… because maybe if I had done that, E-Errol wouldn’t have died. Maybe if I had done that, our son would still be alive, Cholo.”

There, I said it. Finally.