The Wicked Mrs. Gastrell (English version)

“Don’t talk, Vishen. No matter what you say to me, it will not bear any weight about my decision.”

The man looked away from me and sighed. He continued to pour the wine into my glass and handed it to me.

“I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable, Ms. Karina.”

“Thank you.” I reached for the glass and sipped from it.

The warmth of the wine helped to keep my eyes from burning. I grabbed the whole bottle and drank from it. One, two full gulps until I finished half of it.

I released a sigh when I calmed down a bit.

“So we’re finally in the last stage of this circus, huh.”

I let out a breath and smiled at Vishen as I hugged the bottle in my lap. “Today is my day to end it all. I can’t do it anymore, eh. I’m tired. I’m tired of just keeping everything inside me. The years of suffering… I need it to end it all here, Vish. I’m tired of being brave on the outside while I’m slowly dissolving inside. I’m tired of the memories. Maybe what I did was right. I can’t even bring back the loved ones I lost but at least I did something against that murderous Asturians.”

I drank from the bottle again.

“If you’re tired, you should rest. You’ve done so many things, Ms. Karina. I know I will cross the line when I say this but I think your cousins are just using you against the Asturias. That’s right. Let’s just go home.”

Vishen’s voice was low, as if he was reluctant to say it, but I could feel his sincerity.

“I know, Vishen. I’ve long been aware of it but regardless of their intentions, we both have the same interests so it’s fine with me.”

I smiled sweetly at him. “I want to go home, but I have something to finish. Last stop, I guess.”

The man looked at me and smiled carefully. “Zen will be so happy, Ms. Karina.”

I jokingly hit the man on the arm. “I know Zen won’t be the only one who will be happy. Now that I’m almost done here, you will have the love of your life all to yourself. You won’t hold back anymore because she’s free from the contract.”

I giggled when his cheeks and ears turned red. He cleared his throat and did not speak.

I laughed. “Yes, what do I expect? Always the cultured and prim Vishen.”

My laughter filled the entire car for the next few seconds until the car stopped in front of the Department of Energy building.

Vishen escorted me out of the car and into the entrance where a group of men in black suits bowed their heads at me. We boarded the lift to the sixth floor where a meeting with key people is taking place.

A woman greeted me as I exited the elevator and escorted me to the secretary’s office. She knocked on the door twice and opened it for me. I thanked her curtly and stepped into the big room. The man I need today is behind his desk with his hands clasped on the table. Alfred Benito’s face is serious and it looks like he’s been waiting for me.

“Good afternoon, Secretary.”

He stood up and greeted me with a relaxed face and motioned me to sit in the chair in front of his desk.

“To whom do I owe this pleasure of meeting an Alcantara, hija?” he smiled warmly at me.

“I’m not going to hang around anymore, secretary. I know that you know why I’m here. I believe the Chairman already informed you.”

He leaned on the backrest of the swivel chair and looked at me intently from his kind eyes, the kindest I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

“I like you, Ms. Alcantara. You’re just like the Chairman when it comes to talking. You don’t waste time.”

“I don’t see enough reason not to. We’re all just always racing for time.”

The man just stared at me and nodded. He pressed the intercom and spoke.

“Maris, please take this guest of ours to the conference room,” he ordered.

I frowned at what I heard and was surprised.

“Is that it? You won’t ask for anything in return? Money? Connection? A townhouse perhaps?”

The man just smiled and shook his head. “Hija, not all government employees can be bribed by you. The government is not some play area for the Alcantaras and Asturias to shoot their arrows at. I know I know nothing about the roots of your conflicts but don’t you tarnish our image more than it already is. We’ve already received a lot of mud from the people.”

“But you’re doing exactly the same. You are giving me an advantage over an Asturias, Mr. Secretary.”

“It’s just an endorsement. It still depends on your proposal if you can get the project or not. I’m also not doing this to favor one of you. My godson only asked me for a favor once so I granted him.”

My brows raised and a smile formed on the edge of my lips.

“I’m not going to ask which child you’re talking about. I already have an idea.” I stood up and shook the man’s hand. “Thank you, Mr. Benito. I will consider this act of yours a great debt of gratitude. Call me once you need help. You have my word.”

The door opened and his secretary entered. I nodded to the old man again and followed the woman out the door

“Hija,” he called me, making me stop from walking. “Just advice from someone who is passing away like me. Forgive and forget. Let go of the past. Do not sacrifice your present for the people that will never come back. Live today. That is all that matters.”

I just looked at the floor and never uttered a single word for a while.

“Now I understand why you are friends with the Chairman. I’ll better go, sec.”

I went out the door and followed the waiting woman. Alfred Benito’s words are still ringing in my ears. Maybe it’s time to amble into the path of healing and truly move on…

… after I’m done here.

We stopped outside a door on the last end of the hallway. The woman smiled at me politely and raised her knuckles to knock on the door.

“Stop,” I commanded her.

“I’ll take it from here. Thank you. You can go.”

She looked at me for a second before nodding and walking away.

I looked at the door and took a deep breath. I let myself hesitate for a few seconds to collect enough air in my chest. I stiffened my face and forced back the impending tears.

This is it. This is the end of everything. Beyond this door is the end of this phase.

Am I ready for what might happen? Yes, it’s been a long time. I’ve prepared for years for this.

Will I be able to handle everything after this? That’s what I’m not sure about. I only prepared for what I’m going to do and I didn’t care about the aftermath of this.

I have lost my mind on what I would do after this. I got too invested in the wicked plans of revenge.

I felt my chest and closed my eyes. I slowly raised my hand and asked myself several times if this is the time, if this is the end of everything.

“What happens, happens,” I mumbled.

I let out a breath and opened the door completely. The people in the rectangular table stopped talking and everyone’s attention was focused on me. I surveyed the people in the room. Ten people were inside and talking seriously. Eight of them were in suits staring at me under their thick glasses. My eyes stopped at the woman at the end of the table next to her secretary. I smiled sweetly at her.

“What a pleasant surprise to see you here, mom.”

Disgust appeared on Donya Teodora’s face and she just raised an eyebrow at me.

“What are you doing here?” She asked me a question in a condescending way.

I walked over to an empty swivel chair, pulled it up, and sat cross-legged. I put the Hermes bag on the table, leaned back, and looked around at my companions.

“Well, just like all of you, I’m here for a meeting. So shall we start?”

No one answered. The people at the table just looked at each other and shook their heads. I slapped my own forehead and giggled. Their foreheads twisted even more because of the confusion.

“Oops, my bad. I forgot to introduce myself.” I stood up and waved my hands at them. “By the way, ladies and gentlemen, I’m Veronika Alcantara, a board of director at Alcantara Trading and Holdings. Some of you here must have known me as Karina Gastrell and yes, I am both of those people. So? Can we start now?”

“You’re Ms. Alcantara?” asked the Spanish-looking man on my side.

“Si, Señor Fernando. And our companies have been in multiple partnerships before. It’s a pity that we didn’t have a chance to meet and talk. Fortunately, this wonderful opportunity came knocking. We will be going to be partners again.”

I single out the shocked faces of the people in the room, especially Cholo’s mom who was stunned for a moment. I shrugged and went back to sitting down.

“Let’s get started. I know how precious each second of your time is.”

“Ymir and Cholo aren’t here yet,” protested Donya Teodora with a knitted look on her face. “It is improper and disrespectful to start this meeting without the principal sponsors of the project.”

“Ah, I see that you have been put in the dark, mama. The Asturians have been excluded from this project for a long time already. You can’t actually expect me, a respectable Alcantara, to be tolerating being in the same place and breathing the same air with an Asturia. I can’t stand it. In fact, our company entered into the agreement on that one condition. I don’t want the murderous Asturians to be in the same project as I am in. After all, they have no use now because of what happened, I believe it would be for the best of the project to completely exclude them, right everybody?”

The door opened and Elizabeth entered followed by Cholo. I met Cholo’s eyes and many questions were drawn to them. Elizabeth immediately turned pale and clung to Cholo’s arm. I just smiled at him and focused my attention back to the men at the table.

“My husband and the uninvited guest are here. I guess we can start now,” I said dismissively.

I can feel Cholo’s boring eyes on me but I didn’t glance back to look at him. The two sat down in the empty seats, Elizabeth again clinging to Cholo’s arm after sitting next to him. I just ignored what I saw and sneered at the woman. I swear it’ll be the last time she can do that.

“For the purpose of the newcomers, I’ll repeat what I’ve stated. The Alcantaras will only become active investors if you remove the Asturias from this project completely. If not, then say goodbye to our participation. Expect that you will also lose the project forever. Because of the recent events involving Elizabeth Asturia, their family no longer has the credibility to work with the government. Political allies of the Asturias are scrambling away from the clan and I don’t think any of you shouldn’t do the same. It’s what we should do to survive, right? You get me? Am I making sense? Anyone?”

I put my hands under the table and squeezed it to make it tremble at least a little. It’s not that I’m scared. Bitterness and joy just mix in my chest.

“Hija, you have to understand that the project has been initiated by Mr. Asturia and Mr. Gastrell, your husband. They planned this for years now. What I can suggest is to lie down for a time now before we assume the project, ” said Inocencio Abrador, the fifth man with the largest investment on the project.

I crossed my arms and retreated to the backrest of the seat.

“Well, by that time Mr. Abrador, the project is no longer with you. I can easily assemble another set of willing investors to get this project because just to let you know, my husband and Ymir are not the only ones planning this for a few years. Ours too took decades to formulate the steps. I’m not like a mushroom that just suddenly appeared. Where we are now is a product of calculated steps of concise planning. You should even thank me that I even thought of offering you this.”

“What’s happening here?” Cholo’s voice echoed in the four corners of the room. That’s the time when I look his way. His face is dark with a mix of confusion. He’s still trying to grasp and make sense of what’s happening.

I ignored him and continued talking as if his intense stare doesn’t affect me at all, as if the dawning look on his face doesn’t make my knees shake in pain.

“Don’t worry, gentlemen. “Don’t worry, gentlemen. I’ll surpass Ymir’s achievements. I’ll double the amount he had invested. Plus, Cholo will still handle this. I’ll just take Ymir’s place. That’s all.”

“Karina, what’s happening here?!” he shouted at my face.

I first looked at Elizabeth’s shocked face before meeting my husband’s dark and burning eyes.

“I’m trying to help you, husband. I don’t want to see you down so I’m stepping in to fill the gap.” I opened the bag with one hand and took out the crumpled paper and threw it on the table. “To convince you more, here’s the deed of sale. Yup. They sold the land to me. Another proof that the Asturias are not that good in doing their job. I can do better. I did better.”

Everyone was silent at what I said. Cholo stood up and spoke, his bitter voice full of accusation.

“You sabotaged the project. You did all of this shit so that you could satisfy you and your family’s greed! And here I am too trusting, too happy with you not knowing what you’re doing behind my back. I can’t believe this,” he said bitterly when he solved the pieces together.

I felt my fingernails digging into the flesh of my palm as warm liquid spread over my hand.

“I’m actually helping you, Cholo. I don’t want you to do deals with murderers,” I said and glanced at Elizabeth who looked away. She clutched her chest and breathed hard.

“That’s a grave accusation, Karina. ”

“It will not just be an accusation, Cholo. It will be proven final and executory once I’ll escalate the cases to the court,” I snapped, my voice escalating a bit higher.

“Stop, please,” Elizabeth’s trembling voice echoed in the room. Beads of sweat are running down from her face. She’s also turning paler than I have ever seen her. I shook my head and laughed.

“No, you stop! Don’t run again from what you and your family did, Elizabeth. Do you want me to list all the crimes your family committed in front of everyone? Let’s start with your brother.”

Her tears started to fall as she stood up biting her lip. She looked at Cholo desperately and shook her head.

“D-Don’t believe her. I-It’s not true. It’s just an accident. Please Cholo, believe me.” She clung into his arms like her life depended on him.

“Elizabeth, stop talking please. You are really too irritating to listen to. Gosh, for someone whose scandal leaked out, you are for sure acting like you have no shame. Stop poisoning his mind with your lies. Even if you cry blood, I can’t just stay silent anymore. I’m done playing. I’m tired.”

“No!” she shouted out of the blue as she kept her trembling hands in her chest, her face wet from sweat and tears. “What more do you want? I did what you wanted! I did everything you said so please just stop Karina. I’m suffering so much can’t you see?” She started crying.

“If you’re tired, so am I. I’m tired too, Karina. I want to experience being able to sleep at night without nightmares, so please, have mercy on me. Please stop.”

Her stance wavered. She began to get paler as the seconds passed so Cholo immediately supported her and held her close to the waist.

I felt blood dripping from my hand as I dug my nail deeper into it. I’m starting to feel numb, that’s why I have to hurt myself to feel emotion. I bent over and gasped for air.

“Playing victim are we, Elizabeth? If you can’t sleep at night, what about me? That’s not even a fraction of what I went through because of you,” I said in a broken voice. I turned to Cholo who I could see the worry on his face as he looked at Elizabeth. “If only you knew the truth, Cholo. You’ll not even give her that pity look because she doesn’t deserve it.”

“Stop it will you?!” he yelled at me and took Elizabeth into his arms and started walking out. I stood up quickly and chased them to the door and stopped Cholo’s hand. He glared at me.

“Don’t make me hurt you more, Karina. Stop this. Please don’t ruin us,” he muttered in between his gritting teeth.

“No, you can’t possibly do something that will hurt me more than what you did to me in the past. I just wanted you to know that she deserved every second of pain that she’s feeling now…” My voice went hard… “every fucking second of it. Remember that when I’m gone here,” my voice croaked from keeping the bottling emotions inside me.

I opened the door for them. I moved my head towards the open door to gesture to them to leave. Confusion could be seen in his angry expression but he didn’t give it any importance. His eyes went down to the handle of the door where my bloodied hand is resting. His face softened and concern passed through his eyes.

“Don’t mind me. It’s just a scratch,” I said and smiled at him.

With clenched jaws, he passed at me and finally went out. His eyes in a mixture of hatred and worry and his hurrying steps away from me were the last thing on my mind when I turned my back to shift my eyes to the people in the room who just evaporated in my mind earlier.

“Oh, I’m sorry gentlemen if you have witnessed that. That was ugly and too personal. Maybe it would be better if we just reschedule the next meeting. My secretary will keep in touch with you,” I said in my most professional tone.

A few looked at me differently before going out one by one. Donya Teodora and I were left, she’s looking at me with her wide eyes. I just smiled at the old woman before walking back to the table to get the paper. I didn’t even bother to wipe the blood off my hand and just grabbed the bag after putting the papers inside.

“Veronica Alcantara…” I stopped turning when I heard her voice. I raised my face to her and waited for her to say anything.

She slowly raised her ashen face to me. “T-That’s the n-name of one of the victims of that car accident.”

A series of images flashed in my head. Me and Errol on that dirt road, blood is everywhere while I’m hoping against hope that my son will miraculously breathe again. My tears fell from the pain I felt.

“I’m glad you still remembered,” I said in almost a whisper. “Yes, mom. That’s me… and do you also know the boy with me who died there? Of course you know him. He… h-he’s my son… your grandson. Do you also know that… he looks so much like Cholo? And his eyes… His eyes look so much like yours minus the condescension and the mockery I always see every time you look at me. My Errol’s eyes were so innocent, so pure and so happy. He loves me so much. When he smiles at me, it’s like I can see you smiling at me too. That’s why even though I know you don’t like me, I still ask to see you. Because that’s when I can see him at least once… just in your eyes.”

I smiled at myself and remembered my son’s face every time he grinned and showered me with a kiss as his form of love for me.

“My departed son is so lovable that I can bet he can melt your icy heart. It’s a shame you won’t have the chance to see him.”

She didn’t speak for a few moments. She’s just bent over, hands at the table as her shoulders shake. There are also a few drops of tears on the table.

“Don’t cry. Save that for a time when you will have the face to visit him. And when you have the strength, at least apologize to him. Apologize for letting his murderer go.”

My chest and legs were heavy when I turned back.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Karina. I-I’m sorry for everything… I’m sorry. I’m sorry. If I knew then I wouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry,” she said in a voice full of regret and anguish but I didn’t listen to her anymore.

I slammed the door open and ran outside. I don’t know how I made it out of the room and down the hallway without my knees giving up. I don’t even remember how I got to the car and ordered Vishen to leave. I just saw myself inside the moving car, crying and laughing like crazy while downing a bottle of wine.

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When will I stop feeling this?