The Soldier Next Door

…Ana POV…

I have never felt such extreme anger towards a single soul in my life before. To say that my heart is not raging with towards Ethan hatred would be a lie.

Did I love this man before?

If you ask me now, then I would say no. I feel betrayed, and god knows I feel hurt. The pain that he has inflicted on me is one that you can never forgive. How can he dare open the envelope without me? How can he do this to me? Can I even dare to say do this to us?”

What us?

There is no such thing.

I hate the man.

Yet this man thinks that he can underestimate me; it only takes me but a snap of my control and I pull him back, “Oh no, you are not going anywhere. Explain yourself?

“Ana, I am not in the mood for this, you have clear lost your mind and now I am on your attacking end.”

Oh no, he just did not call me that, “I have not lost my fucking mouth…”

“Oh, ya that you have lost as well.”

I only but grunt at him, he is such a fool. Why does it seem around every corner he just disappoints me. He can hardly be a goddamn boyfriend, how is he going to be a husband. But…rather I will not say that. It is bad enough that he wants to run off again, but he cannot keep a simple envelop closed for an hour.

“Can you not just listen for one goddamn hour?”

“Well,” he snaps back at me, “You can listen for one damn second.”

That kind of put a hurt in my sting. He seems to fail to notice that I, too, have feelings. Yes, perhaps, he did not take this quite as seriously as he should, but should I really be so mean to him when he was only excited.

Fuck that!

“Do you know what, Ethan?”

“No, but please enlighten me since you have had a spark in that dense brain of yours.”

“I feel pathetic because I let you break my heart; I hate that I ever gave it to you in the first place. I trusted you with it; I was only something that was convenient.”

“My, god.” His voice comes rumble from across the room. “You did not just say that? Let me refresh your memory. First, you don’t have a fucking heart, and never once were you something that was convenient. So don’t bullshit me.”

This man is pissing me off; he has not had one good thing to say about me since I walked through the door. Well, perhaps it is because I have also not.

Yet…

He looks at me and only shakes his head, “If I broke your heart so badly, Ana. If I were only a convenience to me, then please tell me why the fuck are you still wearing my ring?”

Fuck…

“Whatever, it does not matter. I will never, and god, I will say never ever forgive you for what you did to me. Yes, so I broke your heart, but you could have fucking waited.”

“Perhaps you should shut up for one second and listen me.”

My fury is burning out of control; I cannot believe this man hates me so much. Guess I am eventually going to have to realize that this was nothing but an experience that I will write off as gone wrong.

It was a game, I mean, it was fun, we had a great time together, then all these fucking feelings had to come into the way and complicate a whole bunch of shit. In a way, he has been nothing but there for me. But the fact is that I am not going to forgive him.

The bigger question.

“Give me one reason why I should forgive you.”

“Oh, don’t worry, that is not going to happen. I can start with a few, but I will not beg for forgiveness.”

Well, that you should just not have said.

“You know what pisses me off about you, Ethan? You are always right, and I am not being ugly about it; you are, in fact, always right.” I stop and pause for a moment as my voice hitch a fraction, “It does not change the fact that you opened the envelope.”

“Ana, if you do not want to listen to me, then let me go.”

“I don’t give two shits about your excuses; you still don’t fucking do it. But do you know what pisses me off about you?Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

“No, please do tell me?”

“It feels like we are going around in circles. I hate you for opening the envelope, and you hate me for breaking your heart. So how do you intend we resolve this problem?”

“I am glad to see that our relationship was a problem to you, Ana. Please, just tell me that you actually don’t give a shit about me.”

“I don’t give a shit about you, Ethan.”

Ouch, that one is going to hurt. The thing is, do I really mean it or not? I am so messed up at the moment; all I see is the anger that is clouding my mind. I want to feel nothing but hatred towards him. There where he is standing, being so fucking sexy as ever; he knows I love those goddamn jeans, yet I know he is not wearing them for me.

Fuck.

This is a mess.

I guess this is just one of those facts; there is always going to be sadness and pain. And then after, you will find consequences that shall lead to even for sadness and pain.

Guess, then, “Yes, you are right about one thing, Ethan. Maybe our relationship is a problem. Guess perhaps we were never supposed to be together from the start?”

“Well, from where I am standing now, it would have worked out pretty fine. But as you said, you hate me for opening a goddamn envelope, while I hate you for breaking my heart.”

“Are you really that mad at me?”

“Oh, Ana. Do not underestimate the determination of a man that is scorned. Contrary to what you think, I have a heart, probably, in fact, far bigger than yours. You have hurt me so much that the hate I feel for you consumes everything in my being. But do you know the fucked up thing about all of this, tomorrow I might love you again? Then I am fucked all over again. So yes, I am mad at you.”

“You know that hate only makes the heart bitter.”

“Then you should know because yours are filled with it.”

Maybe I should think about this situation. And as I look at him, there is that face that I know I did love, perhaps not as much as he did me, but I know, now, after seeing all this hatred, that I did feel something for him.

But there is only one emotion left, and I don’t care if I leave with a bitter heart here; at least it would not be hatred.

But he is still as furious as ever as he speaks next, “You know what Ana? I’m so tired of feeling sick and tired. Sitting on hope that isn’t there. Thinking about how things could’ve been for us. I want to get past this endless maze. I feel fucking trapped.”

“Then go, I am not holding you back.”

“Well, fuck you, Ana. What about my child? I have a life, and it is time for me to take control of that life and stop being played like a game. I let it slide too long. You told me what I wanted to hear, just to keep me interested, to keep me going. I was so stupid to think that my future had you in it. I kind of believe it once in a while still, but it is getting so faint.”

“Fine Ethan. I’m tired of beating myself up. It is what it is. You got a life you going to do what you want to do with it. I can’t change your mind about anything anymore. And same to me if you think you’ll have any control over me.”

I think I should just move on. I don’t think that I ever was really trying and that is so unfair on him, but perhaps this is only my emotions that are playing on me. I really know that there was a future, sometimes I was just not listening, I guess.

So with his eyes wide and somewhat sparkling, he grows one of those cocky smiles on his face, “Ana, my biggest mistake was not that I gave you my heart; my biggest mistake was that I told you that I loved you. But even bigger than that was when I thought that you would mean that back.”

“I would love to want to tell you that I am sorry.”

“Well, Ana, I suggest strongly that you open that envelope.”

And with that, I flip the envelope open and slide the piece of paper out, it only takes me one second to realize.