The Soldier Next Door

I need to make a decision as I leave this tent today. I can either hurt and allow myself to be even less of a man than I already am, or I can stand up for my heart and believe in what I know is right. My choice… I will walk out of this tent today a new man, a man that does not need a woman like Ana in my life.

She has hurt me for far too many times and for far too many times I have given her the control and looked the other way. That control ends here today. I know deep in my heart that the final hurt is not over. She wants to talk about something, and I know that this time whatever comes out of that mouth is going to be the biggest pain of them all. The only comfort that I can take away from this doomed relationship is my child, I might not have been able to save our relationship, but the best that can come from this is me being a father.

So, after taking several moments to clear my head, and convincing myself that this is indeed for the best, I pick my head up and make my way outside to the battle ops tent. I believe I have heard a voice, that believe me now, will bring me comfort. With what seems like a few hesitant strides for I know that the camp has unfortunately become aware of my minor meltdown, I make my way back to the tent with pride. And just as I expected, the face to the voice is indeed standing next to Lopez.

“Well, look who is here. Now I knew that we can not keep you away for too long. To what do I owe your pleasure?”

“Came to see if you have not broken the place down yet, but by the looks of it, I see that you have. How are you keeping Lieutenant?”

“Let us take a walk and I will let you know all about it.”

After giving a few orders to Lopez, I step outside the tent and we start making our way to the quiet spot on the far side of the camp. As we make the slow walk, I can see there are a few wandering heads that glance in our directions, they too are probably waiting for the very same thing that I am. So as we finally get to the shade under the spot of a tree, I stop to sit down, but before I can speak,

“Fuck, Ethan, I am so sorry to hear about Ana.”

“Ya, so am I.”

“How are you holding up? I mean, in front of us all, I am still shocked when I saw it with my own eyes.”From NôvelDrama.Org.

“What do you mean with your own eyes?”

“I had to go tell her that she cannot stay on there if you guys are not in any form of relationship, and…Well, the fuck was with her.”

“Fuck, Ray, I am sorry, but I heard that she was moving out in any case.”

“Yes, they phoned me once she let housing know what her intention was going to be.”

I turn to Ray, who is holding the same anger and by all means the same hurt in his eyes. I know if anyone knows what I am going through then it will be him, but the question begs thought,

“Why are you here?”

“I came to check up on you.”

“You? Or the boys above?”

“Me. I heard the plane is flying in with medical supplies and tents and I thought I would hop on board. You know that we look after our own.”

“Thanks, Ray. Now let us stop talking morbid. How is the little one doing?”

“God, never been a greater joy. I hate to ask, but what is happening?”

“I am going to be a father, the best fucking father that I can. I just don’t like the idea of this James guy around, but there is nothing that I can do about it now can I.”

“It will work out for the best. The thing you just need to accept is that things would have never worked out.”

“You think it was the age thing? Do you think because I was so far less younger than her?”

Ray cocks his head for a few moments before he shakes his head, “Nah, she is five years older than you Ethan would think a bit more common sense.”

We both burst out in laughter, a laughter that does not carry through to the heart, though it feels good to cleanse the head that is clogged up by pain.

“So are you staying long?”

“No, just in and out, and I believe you boys have a mission coming up so I will just be in the way.”

“Could always do with an extra set of eyes out there?”

“My misses will kill me.”

So we find ourselves sitting under the tree for what seems for the next good hour before I have to next squad that will be heading off into Fallujah this afternoon again. We are doing a late run into the city, just a sort of break from the routine morning run. The enemy is starting to learn our patterns and catching them offhand at the shit they are doing is becoming impossible. With Johnson gone we are also fairly convinced that everything will be running back as smoothly as possible and that there are no elements of surprise. But yet holding thumbs and never acting to assured.

Once I have said my goodbyes to Ray and reassured him that he will be the first to know if anything does go wrong with me. At least I have Ana in my old hometown where I know the doctor and will know if anything goes wrong. With that, he rests assured and makes his departure, while I am preparing Lopez and my squad to head out on a mission.

It is late afternoon with the sun shining over our shoulders onto the backs of the man in front of us, that we are making a slow and easy ride into the city. Our mission is just to scope out a new area that we have had reports coming in that are under the control of the resistance. The chatter is as always alive and abuzz and the edges with my personal life are trodden carefully. I guess I am going to be treated like a ball of Ethan whether I like it or not.

So as my squad is the first to reach the entrance of the street where the buildings are located, Lewis stops the Humvee for us to get out. We will move along the road between the buildings to get to our destination. The other Humvee will move one road down and approach the building from the other side. Slow and steady. No room for error.

With that, we hunch together into a group of two and filter through doors and inside windows. Climbing brick and rubble as we go along. Not setting one foot on the main road. Staying in between the buildings, crawling unseen.

As we finally reach our target, there is no sight of Lopez yet. We cannot wait for them, we need to filter in. So two by two we enter the back and split up to the sides. Gibbs takes a group of six men to the left and I take a group of six men to the right. From there we split up into another group of two. I am taking a big risk, but daylight is not on my side. I want to be in and out.

And in and out of the next floor we move, one room in and one room out. The side is clear. The floor is clear. We only have four more floors like this to go.

Next floor. The first room in. Clear. The second room in. Clear. So is. Third. Fourth. Firth. The floor is cleared.

Next floor. First room clear. Second room. Locked. Matthew steps back and kicks it in clear.

Clear.

Fourth floor.

Clear.

Fifth floor. We slip again into two groups. It is getting fairly dark now and we are not gaining ground fast enough. I do not want my men out in the dark in an area that is not clear. So we split into a group of three instead, which leaves me on my own. Reckless. Dangerous. I call it ambitious and determined.

So, one…two…clear. Again, one…two…clear. I step into room after room feeling confident that we have entered a building that is clear. But yet, I push through and…one…two…clear.

Room after room after room.

As I get to the final of the rooms in my pathway, I peek outside the building onto the road to see if the Humvees have made their way safely to the front and are awaiting our exit. And as expected all seems clear. Even though a little bit behind schedule it seems that we have managed to complete our mission.

So confident that all is cleared, I lower my weapon and take a much-needed breath. My heart is feeling heavy again and it is clogging my mind. But just as I am about to turn around, there is a voice coming through the entrance of the room.

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