Loving You Too Long

“Because the doctor said she could recover with my care. She had to find a replacement for her fiancé. And indirectly, I was the one who caused her depression. I was the one who made that woman lose the man she loved.” Nathan said sadly.

“I refused their request to replace her deceased fiancé, Haisley.” He continued with a distant gaze. “But then they showed me a report. About me driving under the influence of alcohol and causing an accident that led to death. They threatened to sue me and put me in jail, Haisley.” The man said with a trembling tone.

“I was truly scared. I didn’t want to go to jail.” He said, shaking his head. “The thought of being stuck in a cell for a while made me always have nightmares. I know I’m a coward, but I’m really scared. Crimes often happen in prison. Violence, abuse.” The man shook his head again.

“Imagining staying in a cell with a man who might have a mental disorder or is thirsty for sex makes me feel nauseous and want to vomit every time.

“I heard that story from one of my friends who had been a prisoner. What do you think I should do?” the man asked again. “Of course, I prefer to continue living freely, even if in return I’m tied to a woman who isn’t sane. But at least, when I’m tired, I can disappear for a while and take a breath. While in jail? I’m still an outsider, and you surely know how some people’s attitudes differ about that.”

Haisley stared at Nathan in silence. She could see how pale the man’s face was, and how frightened Nathan looked hearing his own words. She wanted so much to reach out and comfort him, but she couldn’t.

“So, why?” Haisley asked after a few moments of silence.

Nathan lifted his head again. “I never thought you’d be so determined to come to England. Even though Gilbert often talked about your arrival, and Mama had warned me to prepare a special room for you. I chose to ignore it. Honestly, at that time, I wasn’t even curious about what you looked like now. Whether you had grown taller or remained as mischievous as before.” His candidness, whether he liked it or not, made Haisley chuckle. “And I was quite surprised when I saw you. You changed. Not just physically, but your attitude, your way of speaking, you became more mature than before. You were bolder, openly saying whatever you wanted. You became more aggressive. And without realizing it, you started to catch my attention.

“I still wasn’t aware of my feelings. I thought what I felt was just frustration because my world, which used to be organized, became chaotic because of your presence. But then Steven appeared. I was angry when you chose to get into his car even though I had intended to take you to campus.” Nathan grumbled in annoyance.

Haisley furrowed her brow to recall that incident. “When?” she asked softly.

“At that time when Gilbert wasn’t around, and he, that brat, offered to pick you up,” Nathan answered irritably.

Haisley remembered that moment but didn’t realize that Nathan was prepared to drive her. He never offered, always maintaining a flat expression in front of her.

“Not to mention he tried to get close to you in Crumplehorn. I was really angry with Gilbert when he let you stranded with those guys even though I intentionally rented that villa to make you comfortable.” He said loudly, expressing his frustration. “And after all I did to you, you said you would stop loving me. What did you expect me to do at that time? I felt undermined just like that, you know?”

“Is your ego wounded, huh?” Haisley taunted, and the man shot her a sharp look.

“Do you remember when Gilbert called me and let Loretta into the house?” Nathan asked with a forceful tone, forcing Haisley to remember. “You must remember because at that time, I heard him calling your name when you had just moved into that old flat.” He grunted in annoyance. “Loretta came to the house on Gilbert’s advice, even though the night before I had just had a fight with her and wanted to break up with her.” Nathan continued.

“But at that time, he came to my flat and talked about your relationship.” Haisley whispered.

“Yes, he clearly-with a pretend innocence-indirectly explained it to me. He deliberately came to you to make you jealous. But I was even more jealous with his remarks about how good your relationship with Gilbert was.”

“So, that’s your reason for coming to my unit and accusing me of doing inappropriate things with your brother?” Haisley asked in annoyance, but Nathan responded only with silence. “You know I could never do anything with Gilbert; he’s like my own brother. I never even considered him as the opposite sex.”

“Do you think my sanity could accept that?” Nathan retorted curtly. “My mind was already crazy trying to find a way to get away from Loretta, and hearing him say that about you, of course, I swallowed it whole.”

“But you could have asked me or Gilbert in a civilized manner.”

“Do you think Gilbert is that good? Don’t forget how skilled he is at getting on my nerves, Haisley.” Nathan reminded her. Haisley bit her lower lip; she forgot that her friend was indeed a cunning guy.

“Then Dean came and declared his ownership over you when I was trying to separate myself from Loretta in the best way I could so that I could confess my feelings to you. And you know Loretta’s reaction at that time?

“She challenged me. She said you could fall in love with Dean.”

“But they haven’t even met…”

“And do you think she’s not watching you? Not watching us?

“She does, Haisley. Very well and skillfully.

“She knows almost the entire lineage of my family, she knows your family. She investigates because she can.” He continued with the frustration he showed again. “Why do you think she suddenly became enthusiastic about your relationship with Dean when we were having dinner that time?

“It’s all because of that challenge. She wanted to make you retreat by saying that we were going to get engaged. Actually, I never agreed to it. But I was also too afraid to deny and reject her statement. The shadow of prison haunted me again, Haisley. And yes, I’m that much of a coward.” Nathan said again with embarrassment.

“When Mom and Dad came. Dad asked nicely about my relationship with Loretta. Of course, as a father, he realized something was wrong with his son.

“When Mom struggled with all her accusations about me and my behavior towards you, as well as how much she disliked my relationship with Loretta, I chose to tell everything to Dad. I asked him to help me find a way out, Haisley. I really wanted to get away from Loretta and avoid prison as much as possible. And Dad asked me to be patient.

“But then you chose to leave.” He accused. Haisley widened her eyes at his accusation. “You chose to give up on me and leave me. Although that night, I tried to confess my feelings to you, Haisley.” He said softly.

Haisley furrowed her brow again. “When?” she asked, puzzled.

“When you were drunk, when you entered my office. When I tried to flirt with you again.” He said with a seductive tone at the end of the sentence.

“When you masked your words of love and changed them with the word ‘making love’?” Haisley asked, making Nathan wide-eyed instantly.NôvelDrama.Org holds © this.

“Do you remember that?” He asked incredulously. Haisley shrugged apathetically. “How much do you remember, Haisley?” he asked again.

Haisley raised an eyebrow and said, “Since the moment I said you were very handsome, Nathan.” She said shamelessly.

“And you said you would make love with Dean after I did all that?” he asked, displeased. “And you pretended as if nothing happened between us the next day?”

Haisley shrugged with an indifferent expression. “At that time, I really didn’t remember it much.” She answered honestly, “And even if I remembered, I would still do the same thing. I had to save my dignity, Nath. But honestly, I just remembered that moment just now, because you reminded me after the ‘fun’ we just had.” She said with a mocking expression that she didn’t hide.

“I didn’t know you were that cunning, Haisley Smith.” Nathan muttered irritably.

“And you like sticking with a woman much more cunning than me.” Haisley retorted, making Nathan fall silent.