Loving You Too Long

“Don’t lie to me, Nath,” Desis Haisley said as she lifted her head and roughly wiped away her tears. She adjusted her clothes with trembling hands and stepped back away from Nathan. “Just because of what I did a moment ago doesn’t mean I believe your sweet words,” she accused harshly.

Nathan was surprised and looked at the confused girl. “Haisley.”

Haisley raised her hand, pointing her index finger at Nathan. “Don’t you dare say anything to me.” The girl commanded loudly. “I don’t understand why you’re doing all this to me, Nath. I can still remember your rude attitude towards me when I followed you months ago,” she said with a wounded tone. “Yes, you surely know why I was so eager to study in the same country as you. It’s because I love you! You know that all these years I’ve only admired you! I just love you! Even though I know you love my sister, Crystal. But still, in every prayer, I hope you open your eyes and then look at me.

“I’m not ashamed to say this because you already know.

“But all this time, you always treated me as if I didn’t exist.

“You ignored me. You belittled me, demeaned me, and even treated me roughly.” She accused repeatedly. “And now, suddenly, you’re being sweet to me and declaring your love, even though your engagement clearly tells me that you’re going to get engaged and married.

“Do you think I can trust you just like that?

“What can’t you get from Loretta that you can get from me, Nath?” She challenged. “You’re keeping me here, for what? Do you think because I love you, I’ll willingly surrender my body to you?” She asked sadly, Nathan shook his head, as did Haisley. “No, Nath, that’s not going to happen. No matter how much I love you, I won’t pawn myself like that. At least I will keep myself for my future husband. And what just happened between us, consider it just an interlude. So it’s pointless for you to imprison me here because I won’t be your sex puppet.” She declared loudly.

Nathan remained silent, frozen, and mute in his place as he waited for Haisley to express everything on her mind. When he saw Haisley drop her body onto a sofa that was quite far from him and cover her sobs again with both of her hands, Nathan stood up and walked closer, kneeling in front of the girl.

“Forgive me, Haisley,” the man whispered. Nathan touched Haisley’s shoulder, and she shrugged it off to reject Nathan’s touch. “I know I’m foolish; I know I’ve been cruel to you all this time. And I did all that to make you stay away from me. But it turns out…” The man took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I am also tormented by it.

“When you decided to distance yourself from me, I realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. When Gilbert’s friends approached you, I realized that I was jealous. Not to mention them, not to mention Dean, just seeing you with Gilbert already made my heart heat up, Haisley.” Nathan reached out and held Haisley’s arm so that she no longer covered her face and could see his sincerity.

“I was jealous seeing how comfortable you were with Gilbert. How you could laugh freely with him. How he could embrace you so comfortably. I was jealous because I wanted to be Gilbert at that moment.”

“But you showed Loretta in front of me instead,” Haisley said coldly.

“It was she who presented herself in front of you when she found out you were there,” Nathan corrected, making Haisley furrow her brow in confusion. “And I thought I could use her to make you stay away from me. But the fact is, when you’re not around, I only go crazier.”

“It wasn’t my intention to accuse you of anything with Gilbert in the flat. But I couldn’t shake off the image that always crossed my mind about how gentle Gilbert’s attitude towards you was. And I was jealous, and I vented my jealousy on you. I apologize for that.

“And when I saw Dean’s presence and his challenge to me, I was even more consumed by jealousy,” the man whispered. “I realized that when Gilbert made me aware of it. I wanted to bring you back home. I wanted to keep you by my side, under my watch, but I know I can’t do that. I can’t keep you by my side. I can’t promise you a future.”

“Why? Why can’t you promise all that to me while you can promise all that to Loretta?” Haisley asked challengingly.

“Understand, Haisley. Have I ever proudly acknowledged my relationship with Loretta all this time? Hasn’t she always been the one talking a lot about our relationship to you? Even during that holiday incident, I genuinely didn’t know she was there. I went there to follow you. I rented that yacht because I knew how much you liked the sea and swimming. I swear, I never knew about the unfortunate event that happened to you. No one ever told me about it. Whether Juan, Crystal, Gilbert, or even Mama, no one ever told me about that crucial thing.”

“But you didn’t deny when Loretta assumed that you did all that for her!”

“That’s because I couldn’t argue in front of her, Haisley.”

“It’s because you love her.”

“I don’t love her!” Nathan snapped harshly. “I never loved her. I didn’t even admire her.” He continued softly.

“If you don’t love her, you wouldn’t have kissed her!” Haisley accused again, making Nathan furrow his brow in confusion. “You kissed her at the party, Nath, I saw it.” Haisley whispered softly, tears streaming down her face again.

Nathan shook his head. “I never kissed her. What happened was we had a big fight. We argued, and I ended up asking her to leave.”

“And she came back the next morning with your favorite breakfast.”

“Yes, because that’s her way of apologizing to me.” Nathan explained again.

Both fell silent. Haisley looked at Nathan, and vice versa. “Loretta might love me, or more accurately, she might be obsessed with me. But I don’t feel anything for her.” Nathan replied softly.

“If you don’t love her, why is all this happening? Why don’t you leave her? Why did you decide to get engaged and marry her? Why!” Haisley demanded again.

“Because I killed her fiancé,” Nathan answered softly, causing Haisley to fall silent. Nathan bowed with his shoulders slumped in front of Haisley. Meanwhile, Haisley was still trying to absorb the man’s words, which sounded like indistinct murmurs in her ears.

“What did you just say, Nath?” Haisley asked the man to repeat his words.

Nathan lifted his head and looked directly at Haisley. “I killed her fiancé, Haisley.” Nathan repeated his words. He took a deep breath and began to tell the story. “Almost two years ago, I came home from a friend’s wedding party drunk.” He said softly. “I forced myself to drive home because it was very late. I refused to stay at the hotel because I felt capable of going home. And on the way, I didn’t know what actually happened because it happened so fast-our cars, mine and the one Loretta and her fiancé were in, collided.Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

“We were both taken to the same hospital. When I woke up, I heard the news that Loretta’s fiancé was in a coma. And Loretta herself, the girl, looked miserable seeing her fiancé’s condition. I felt guilty.

“No one discussed the accident for quite some time. Neither the fiancé’s family nor Loretta’s family. Until finally, two weeks after the treatment, Loretta’s fiancé, who was in a coma, passed away.” Haisley was shocked to hear that. “What happened afterward is that Loretta continued to be sad, blaming herself for the accident that befell her fiancé and even attempting suicide.” Once again, Haisley was unprepared to hear this.

“Loretta’s father then came to me, asking for my help.” Haisley stared at the man with a furrowed brow. “He said that Loretta’s mental condition became unstable due to the successive sorrows. It turns out, before the accident happened, Loretta had just experienced a miscarriage. And after losing her unborn child, she had to lose the man she loved, leading her to depression.”

“If that’s the case, why didn’t her father take her for treatment? Why did her father ask for your help?” Haisley asked, puzzled.