Love’n’Lust

“Thank you so much for coming to meet him, Ben,” Jenna said when they were both about to get into the car they came in. Ben smiled, genuinely this time.

“Don’t tell your mum about her,” Ben said to her. He didn’t want her to converse with her mother, his aunt about Belle because then, his aunt would talk to his mother and she would want to delve into the matter and find out about Belle and what he had with her and most predictably beg him repeatedly and non-stop to start something serious with Belle and he couldn’t do that.

He didn’t want any of that to happen and Jenna not telling her mum about Belle could stop all of that from happening. He knew and could see how excited Jenna was when he arrived with Belle, she probably assumed he had already started something serious with her and was only keeping it secret but that wasn’t the case.

When the car started to drive out of the yard, Belle decided to ask him what she had in mind before she forgot.

“Ben?”

“Hmmn.”

“Uhmmn….”

“What is it?” He asked more concerned when she started to stutter.

“Where am I with you?” She finally got her mind out and his face as usual had no expression. He didn’t want her to ask what she was asking because he didn’t even know the answer to that.

He was still trying to figure it out, he had never spent much time around a woman after he slept with her. He just wanted her around.

“Let’s talk about that at the restaurant after you have had something to eat.” He just told her and like he expected she nodded in compliance.

Now he had to think about what she just asked him, he had to ask himself that question she asked.

Ben Larkson was not generally a fan of relationships, he didn’t see the need for people to be in love. He wondered what made people believe in love, love was impossible from his point of view. Love was just another word; a synonym to describe lust. He didn’t believe in marriages, he didn’t believe in love, but as much as he didn’t believe in those things, he knew they were just his own beliefs and people were free to believe whatever they wanted to.

The first time, his cousin Jenna had mentioned meeting Jason, he advised her not to do anything hasty with the thoughts of being in love.

Jenna had been trying her whole adult life till present to convince Ben that love was real and they were different ways people fell in love; some happen gradually over time spent together and some happened at first sight but the defense of his stubborn nature to even attempt trying out love was expected of her one of those days when he said;

“Let’s say I finally fall in love with someone and this person manages to make me not be against love anymore, I will try my utmost best to avoid this person and you know why?”

She had responded to that by shaking her head.

“I will avoid that person because I want to save myself.”

“From what exactly, Ben?” She had asked him that day, laughing because she found it funny every time they were having that discussion and he was giving her a new reason why people shouldn’t be or fall in love; if it was something real and not just lust.

“From the pain; love is pain, love is stupid, it makes people do stupid shit they most possibly never plan on doing.”ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“Ben, you can’t judge love based on your parents’ experience.” Jenna had told him, she always did try to remind him not to judge love from his adopted parents’ relationship.

“Not just them, my biological mother, it’s the love she had for the man who biologically also, would be my father, whoever he is, that made her do something as stupid as get pregnant with me.”

“Ben….”

“She got pregnant for the man she loved and decided to keep it even though she couldn’t afford to take care of it, that’s selfish, love is selfish.”

“If she had aborted that baby then you wouldn’t be here, you wouldn’t have been brought home by Uncle Ben, and you and I, would never have met, things happen for a reason, don’t blame it on love.”

“You can’t change my mind, no one can, people shouldn’t be allowed to practice love.” He remembered saying that day in his conversation with Jenna.

Here he was, riding in the car with this woman, this beautiful woman seated next to him and he couldn’t even define what he wanted with her.

He would propose signing a contract with her to be his sex partner but no, he knew it wasn’t just that, he didn’t just want to have sex with her at this point, he wanted more, he wanted to be able to smell her whenever he wanted, kiss her deeply and roughly, fuck her like it was the last time he could fuck a woman. It surely wasn’t just sex at that point.

He didn’t laugh but it came funny to him that he was thinking of her like that, he usually didn’t find a woman appealing after he has had sex with her but Belle had been on his mind since the first time they had sex at the newly opened hotel she chose.

It was more funny to him because he knew he didn’t love her, he couldn’t; he didn’t believe in love so he couldn’t love her.

This was just a mere attraction he had towards her because she was pretty without effort, that had to be the reason; he tried convincing himself.