Chapter Thirty- Nine: What She gazed Upon
Watching Ryan curled up in the arms of his lover dug a hole in my heart. Patricia, indeed she was right, I had not seen the last of hoooooooooooo d. Oer. At that instant, my legs trembled and my hands suddenly felt too weak to hold on to the tray. It fell freely on the ground with a loud crash as the ceramic bowl of the chicken broth split into many pieces and the content spilled all over, just the way I had become.
Ryan turned to find me there. My eyes met his, they wide stretched, his hands flew to his hair as he cussed underneath his breath and rolled into a sitting position. My eyes could be lying, perhaps, I wish it was. My cheeks shivered, hunching over as if choking down a sob. I felt my lips move apart but no words could fall from it. The sight drove me down memory lane again, the same scenario with Raymond and Racheal replayed over and over and for some reason, my eyes became too dry as tears refused to fall off, maybe it would be much better if it melted off my heart that was frozen with hurt.
“How…how could you even think of doing this to me after all that we shared together? I…I literally told you about everything that happened in my past and you mock me by repaying every action again.” I stuttered, choking down on my words.
“Clara please, it’s not what you think, she came…”
“Why are you even trying to explain to her?” Patricia spoke, cutting him off.
“It’s not what I think right? And she put you up to this, wow, I thought you were a man that owned up to his responsibilities.”
“Clara, you are really taking this too far.”
“Let me guess, she seduced you right? An act of seduction, another very familiar term,” I scoffed.
“Look Clara, I know you would not believe me but I am not Raymond or whatever you call him and I would never hurt you. This is just some misunderstanding that we can fix but you have to listen to me. Calm down and hear me out!”
“Oh I see, a misunderstanding, huh? I’m not surprised, I turned towards Patricia, “I know this is what you have always wanted, you can have him all to yourself I hope you are happy now.”
“Yeah sure,” she held Ryan’s arm who shoved them off.
Ryan struggled out of bed as he tried putting on his clothes.
I stumbled back on my step as I retrieved backwards, I couldn’t stand as the thought of my past still came as a reminder that I would never be happy again. For the second time, I felt I had been stripped of what mattered to me, the only thing on my mind was to leave and so I turned immediately spinning off as I headed towards the exit.
“Hey Clara, please don’t leave,” I heard his voice from a distance but my mind was made up. I could have stayed and listened to his lies or watched Patricia giggle as she watched me from the sides just as Racheal and Raymond had done to me months ago. I hurried off, totally forgetting about the child I was carrying, tears had finally found its way out as it clouded my eyes blocking most of my view but I still did not stop as I navigated through the stairs. And as though I was struck from within, a sharp pain grew from my abdomen and with every step I managed to take, it felt like I could die. I fell on my face with my hands over my belly as I tried to caress it. Maybe it would subside just as always but this time, its intensifying pain only rose as I felt a rush trickling down my thighs.
Admitting all the pain I still forced my way crawling on the ground as I wished just for two things, to leave and never to see his face again or to die. I ran my palm in between my thighs to my face and was stunned by its reddishness on my palm.
“Oh my God,” I gasped watching as the blood dripped .
“Oh no,” tears ran freely now. The hurt and the pain, an admixture of the worst things anyone could feel. If I had not given out my heart again maybe I would still be seated in my little cabin awaiting my child’s arrival but now I knew something had died in me and so did I.
At first, it began with the distant beeping like a gentle distant chime and then gradually it became more incessant. At every interval it would vibrate the sales in my ears and then gradually I could see a white light as it flashed on my eyes, my breathing had normalised, even as my sights were still very much blurry, I knew where I was as the smell of antiseptic and methylated spirit rushed into my nostrils.
“She is awake,” I heard the voice from behind me.
“You don’t have to move, just relax. I would call the doctor,” one of the nurses said.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as soon as the nurse walked out.
“You were hurt and so I took you to the hospital out of town.
I placed my hands on my belly feeling the emptiness now as tears clogged to the side of my eyes.
“They were boys.”
“Boys?” I asked, sobbing.
“Yes, the doctor said you could have twins in a couple of months.”
He reached for my hands as I took it away.
“Look Clara, I am so sorry for what I made you go through. I know that this is all my fault and I do not deserve your forgiveness. But believe me when I said that nothing happened between Patricia and I.”
“Ryan please, let’s not make it any more complicated than it already is.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want to be left alone.”
“But the doctor asked that someone should watch you.”
“You can tell one of the guards to step in.”
“No, I want to be here with you.”
“Shouldn’t you be somewhere else?” I asked.
“Where would I rather be if not here by your side?”
“What about Patricia and her mother? I do not want any more problems now, I just want to be alone and survive this hurt that you have caused me,” my voice was weary as I forced words.
“I am so sorry, Clara, I wish so much that you would believe me.”
Warm tears from his eyes dropped on my hand.
I said nothing as I laid stiff, the nurse walked back in with the doctor as they began another examination.
“She is stable and recovering fast. This lady here is a really strong woman, most women would not have survived such miscarriage. Please, look after her and report anything you find weird to the nurse who would relay it to me. With the speed of her recovery she would be discharged soon.”
“Thank you doctor,” Ryan said and then the doctor turned to me, “I’m so sorry for your loss but I am glad you are okay.” He patted Ryan on his shoulders as he walked out.
Silence eluded the room with just the beeping from the machine and my loud breathing. I did not want to see him even though every being of me wanted to, it still hurt me what he had done to me and it pained me that I still thought about him.
“Clara,”
“Clara, I know you can hear me,” he said moving closer, I turned towards the window to avoid having any contact with him of any kind. I would have begged him to stay away from me but my strength had failed me and every struggle or argument would fall on deaf ears. My vulnerability to listen to his plea only built up rage that burned through my chest.
How could he even stand there and call my name, what was it that he wanted to say?
“I know you do not want to ever speak to me again and I would respect that, at least for now but I would be back. I would inform the doctor to get you a personal nurse that would look after you. Please be fine, I can’t stand watching you like this.”
Even with his betrayal and washed up trust that I now had for him, I still didn’t want to be alone or in the company of some strange nurse. Somehow, I still found his voice soothing but I had lost the voice and words to call him back and asked him to stay. I turned to find him by the exit with his back facing towards the door. I wanted him to look at me again and say the same words to me, calm and soothing, with the same rhythm and perhaps truth. But he did not turn back. Instead a nurse walked in with a smile which only ended up like a grimace.
“Hello Clara, I’m Grace and I have been assigned as your personal nurse, you can call on me anytime by pressing this button,” she pointed to a button beside the bed that I had not noticed since I opened my eyes.
“Where is he?” I asked as soon as she was done speaking.
“Who do you speak of?”
“Ryan, the alpha king.”
“I am sorry but I don’t know who that is but I can go out there and see if I would find this Ryan you are talking about. Remember the button if you need anything urgent.”NôvelDrama.Org holds text © rights.
I had only waited a few minutes before she walked back in.
“I am sorry Clara, but I was told he had left. But he promised to be back as soon as he was done addressing the pack. But there is someone out there who claimed to know and wants to see you.”
“Someone else is out there?”
“Yes, should I call her in?”
“Who is that?”
“She said her name is… Lady Ana, and she seemed nice.”
Lady Ana? The last person I had not thought to see at the moment.
Hearing her name caused a thump in my heart, I wondered why the machine doesn’t pick that.
What was she doing here? Has she come to mock me?
Thoughts clogged my already jagged mind as the reason for her visit didn’t quite click.