Chapter Forty: By the Hospital Bed: Clara
“Should I call her in?” The nurse’s voice resounded in my head and I turned to face her.
“No,” I said coldly without moving my gaze. Tears gathered by the corners of my eyes awaiting a final push before it would flow away as most of me had done.
“No?”
“Did you not hear me before?”
“I’m sorry, but she came with a lot of things that I think you should consider seeing first.”
“I do not want them; she should take it back.”
“But they are nice things.”
“Then you can have them, but do as I have asked, send her away, do not let her in here.”
“Okay, I will send her away right away.”Content property of NôvelDra/ma.Org.
“Hold on,” I called back as she turned towards me still wearing the smile, she had all morning. It was as though it was a mask that they were forced to put on every day of their life. A mask I knew I needed to get for myself as my chin could no longer hold a smile.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Did she come alone?”
“Yes, I suppose. I didn’t see anyone in there with her.”
“Alright, I am still in a critical state and I do not want to see anyone at the moment, can you tell her that for me?”
“Yeah, sure.”
After a few more minutes, she returned with the news that Lady Ana had gone and promised to return. Deep down I hoped that she would get hooked up in one of the activities in the manor and not return to the hospital.
It piqued me to the depth of her sudden concern towards me. I might have lost a child but I still had my memory intact and from what I still remember we had never been on the same page.
She wanted something; I could smell it. But I could not lay my hands on anything for I was only helpless. I had no eyes or ears around.
Every second I would not fail to remind myself of how much of a loner I had become even if I had refused to see it. I was the only stranger in a strange land, not Ryan, Lady Ana, or Patricia, not even the nurse who still held her sardonic smile.
The idea of not knowing her intentions towards me dug a hole in my chest, an emptiness that loomed. What did she want from me?
Or has she finally come to feel pity for me because of my loss? maybe it was some plot again to give a final warning or to say to my face that Ryan was never meant for me but for Patricia and he only felt pity for me as well, she could be right.
Ryan had only changed towards me after I was chained to his bunk. He could have watched me as I slept on the cold ground with my joints and muscles locked, my skin pale, he might have stared at my face through the dim light while I buried my pains in sleep and seen the sadness on my fallen chin or watched how life was being sapped from me.
My chapped lips could have been the reason he had offered me the extra glass of water. Now here I lay again, unable to speak without putting my abdomen through the pains again.
Locked in my head with my gazes as the only window to the many things I thought in my head. I had been trapped inside with my will gone too. Moments like this only dragged me back to my first painful reality, Raymond.
Perhaps if I had not met him, I would not have been subjected to this life of mystery. By now, I still might have attained my position as the Luna being as powerful and strong-willed as I had been trained by my father.
Now I watched the world through the windows of my eyeballs, under the mercies of Ryan who could be in bed with Patricia again. Could I ever forgive him? Warm tears trickled down my cheek as I lay still on the bed.
****
“Hey Clara, how are you?” I opened my eyes as soon as I heard his voice. Somehow, it was as though there was a spark within me that caused a bit of joy to resurface. But I still said nothing to him, instead, I turned in a different direction so I would not see his eyes again.
“Clara? Babe?”
“Has she not said a word since?” He asked the nurse as she walked in.
“She has, in fact, we had a conversation a couple of minutes ago,” I eyed her as soon as I caught her eyes.
“Then I guess she still doesn’t want to speak to me. I deserve that though,” he muttered under his breath but I could still hear him loud and clearly as I listened closely, I wanted to hear every single word he had to say down to his breath.
Somehow, I needed him to share in my suffering, the grueling pain as well as the warmth that I felt whenever I saw him. I wanted him to feel that too and maybe a little bit more. Just at that point maybe then we would be close to being even.
“I think she wants to be left alone,” she added.
“Maybe you should give hers some time.”
“But I feel like I have given way too much, I really want to speak to her, I miss her. I miss you Clara,” he faced me again. I fought so hard to hold back the tears this time.
“You know, I sent Lady Ana to bring in some fruits, the doctor said you could have some but she returned with it and said that you had asked her to leave.”
Oh, so that was you, I should have known all along. At least it explains her visit now.
I still did not respond and the nurse approached him with a pat on his shoulder.
“Sir, I think she is still in shock from what happened. I would advise that you should leave and come back later, maybe by then, she would be ready to talk to you.”
“I hope so,” he said, “but before I leave, I brought you this,” he dropped a book by the side of the bed.
“I came across it in my study and it reminded me of you. I want you to have it. you said it was the last copy left. That day, you called it special and you said that I was lucky. Well, I think you are very most precious to me than that book and I think that I am lucky to be a part of your life. I don’t know if I would survive it if anything happened to you. You have made me see a part of myself that I have never seen before. You are the reason the pack is seeing a better side of me. You made that possible, it was all you. I am sorry for ever hurting you and putting you through everything that I have put you through. But please, give me a chance to make it all right with you. Just one chance let me treat you like the queen that you are. I’ll be back here tomorrow to check up on you, even if you still don’t want to speak to me ever again. I would make sure that you are fine and get better again,” he said as she walked out. Leaving emotions hovering around the room.