Clueless Love

The following week I resume work. Work has not been the same with Emma gone, and Fatima always at the hospital during lunch time. Udar has still not woken up, but Fatima is handling it better than I would have given her credit for. She is more hopeful than ever that Udar will wake up soon, which is good.

Things between Ismail and me are not good. Now that we don’t live together, we hardly see each other or even speak to each other. We might work in the same company, but we hardly see each other. I have also gotten a little used to him not being in the house anymore.

I am driving to the hospital to see Udar before going home for the day. I arrive at the hospital, park my car and step inside. I also started driving my Lamborghini again, and now when I drive it I don’t always sadly think of Ismail. If I even think of him, I just smile and drive my car because that’s life. I won’t allow myself to drown in sadness. It’s not healthy for anyone. I was so deep in thought I did not realize when I reached Udar’s hospital room. I can hear voices inside, maybe Fatima is talking to someone on the phone.

“As salamu alaykum.” I greet walking in.

I was right Fatima is talking to someone. But not someone I am expecting, although I am more than happy to see her talking to this person.

“Wa alaykumu salam Umit,” Udar says in a hoarse but happy voice.

“You are awake, Allahu Akbar,” I grin.

“Yes, I am, Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah).” Udar smiles back.

“Why didn’t you call me to tell me?” I accuse Fatima, because I know she would have been full of joy to see him awake and would want to share the news with me.

“He wanted to surprise everyone,” Fatima replies.

“Really Udar!” I exclaim.

“Yes, I like this look of shock and surprise you guys have when you come in and see I am already awake,” Udar replies.

“Wow, who would have thought. But anyway, I am more than happy you are awake, but why do I get the feeling it has been for a while?” I notice he does not look like he just woke up, but rather like he’s been awake a day or so.

“You are right Umit. I actually woke up last night while Fatima was sleeping.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Fatima asks surprised.

“Because you looked so peaceful while sleeping, and I could tell you hardly had any sleep lately, so, I wanted you to rest properly,” Udar replies.

“Even from your sick bed, you are still trying to take care of me. What did I do to deserve such an amazing man like you, Udar? I love you.” Fatima declares smiling.

“I love you too,” Udar answers smiling.

“Umit, could you stay with Udar for a bit? I need to get something from my car.” Fatima says turning to me.

“Of course, I can,” I say.

“I am not a child; I can take care of myself,” Udar grumbles.

“But that’s not what your doctor said a few minutes ago. He said you should not stress yourself and rest. That means letting people do things for you,” Fatima scolds.

“You were going to get something from your car right,” Udar says, trying to make Fatima leave so she won’t scold him anymore.

“I will be back in a bit,” Fatima says walking out.

“Thank God she left. She has been making me eat this tasteless hospital food,” Udar complains.

“I am sure she is only doing that because she cares about you,” I chuckle shaking my head.

“I know she does, but the food is horrible.”

“Don’t worry. In Shaa Allah, very soon you will be eating all your favorite foods.”

“Ameen, and Umit I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“About what?” I ask curious.

“About Ismail. I know he might seem like he does not care about you, but for what it’s worth he cares about you more than you can imagine.”

“Really? Because he does not behave like he does,” I don’t understand why everyone thinks he cares about me, with the way he is treating me these days.

“He does. Believe me. And with time, you will know too.”

“Alright, if you say so,” I shrug as Ismail walks in with the same expression I had when I saw Udar awake.

“You are awake.” Ismail states, sounding very shocked and surprised.

“Yes, I am. And I am very hungry. Could you get me something to eat before Fatima comes back?” Udar replies.

“I see you move your body, open your eyes, and move your mouth for the first time in a week, and the first thing you tell me is to get you food?” Ismail shakes his head at his friend’s behavior.

“What do you want me to do? I am hungry.”

“I’m hungry, is all you can say. I am seeing you move for the…” Ismail teases, but does not finish because Udar cuts him off.

“Yes, yes. You are seeing me move for the first time in a week, but that is not the problem now. The problem is I am hungry, and Fatima only allows me to eat this tasteless hospital food.”Nôvel/Dr(a)ma.Org - Content owner.

“I don’t know what to tell you right now, but I missed you man,” Ismail gives Udar a hug, surreptitiously wiping away a wee tear. I have never seen Ismail cry, and right now it is a beautiful sight.

“I missed you too, bro,” Udar smirks returning the hug.

A few hours later, I decide to go home. Fatima had brought in food for Udar. Udar was very happy when he saw her walk in with food for him. Everyone who came to see Udar that day had the same surprised and shocked look we all had when we saw him awake. We are happy to see him awake, but the fact he has been awake for a while and we weren’t called, left us feeling more than a little surprised. But that’s Udar, he likes to surprise everyone.

I am about to hop into my car when Ismail’s voice stops me. I am surprised he is speaking to me. Ismail and I are not fighting, but recently he has stopped talking to me and ignores me when I try to talk to him. I don’t like been treated like I don’t matter, so gathering the little pride I have left I turn away.

“Umit, wait,” Ismail calls, walking toward me. I don’t say anything when he reaches me. I wait for him to speak first.

“I know things have not been great between us. And I know it’s my fault, I am sorry,” Ismail rubs his neck like he is shy.

Did he just apologize? I won’t say I am angry with him, but I was saddened with the way things were between us.

“You don’t have to apologize; you did nothing wrong.” I respond.

“No, I do have to; I did do something wrong. I have been cold toward you, which is wrong. And I left the house, or rather, I almost left the house without telling you.”

“Oh, I didn’t take it to heart so, it’s fine,” I say glad that he understands he did wrong, although I did not think ill of him because of it.

“You are such an amazing woman,” Ismail says smiling.

“Thank you.”

“Are you doing anything tonight?”

“No, why do you ask?”

“I want to treat you to dinner as my way of saying thank you for accepting my apology.”

“Oh, alright which restaurant?” I am happy that things between Ismail and me have been patched up. I wonder what made him decide to apologize today, maybe seeing his best friend wake up after a week of being unconscious struck something in him. Or maybe Udar spoke to him about apologizing to me. Whichever it is I am happy we have made up.

“Just follow me, it’s a surprise,” Ismail smiles getting into his car.

“Alright,” I say getting into my car, following closely behind him.

A week has gone by, and Udar is recovering well. Fatima has been happier every day with Udar’s progress, as is everyone. Ismail took me to the best Nigerian restaurant I have been to in a while. I don’t know what they use to make their meals, but it was amazing. It was like I was eating village food in my hometown. Village food is sweeter than city food because most of their food products are not processed, so they still have their natural taste making it much nicer than city food. I enjoyed the food so much I ordered a few meals to take home with me. I felt like I was eating Nigerian food for the first time, even though I have been cooking and eating it my whole life. I will go back there another time, making sure to take Waheeda, as she ate half of the meals I took home. I almost had to fight her for my meals. I don’t blame her, because even back home in Nigeria it’s not every day we eat such tasty food. It makes me miss Nigeria; I can’t wait to go back home and eat my mom’s lovely cooking.

That day was the best day I had since we came back from our trip. Udar gained consciousness that day, and Ismail and I patched things up. The evening was spent with blissful laughter when Ismail and I went down memory lane, reminiscing about how much we used to bicker all the time. It was so funny how we could fight over the littlest things. We picked a fight over anything. We laughed at the fact that now we can be in a room together for more than 10 seconds, and not annoy the other. We are both happy things changed for the better.

I was so happy that night when I got home; I still had the same peaceful smile I had when I left Ismail. Spending time with him makes me feel happiness like I have never felt before. I love spending time with him. That night Waheeda also helped me understand the depth of my feelings for him.

When I got home, she saw the smile on my face.

“I know that smile when I see it,” Waheeda smirks while coming downstairs.

“What do you mean?” I ask confused not knowing what she is trying to say.

“I had the same one when I fell in love with Aazim, and now you have it because you are in love with Ismail.” Waheeda grins.

“Are you sure I am in love with Ismail?” I feel very comfortable talking to Waheeda about my feelings.

“Yes, I am sure. And if you are confused, there is a way for you to find out.”

“Really, how?”

“I will ask you a few questions, and your answers will determine if you have fallen in love with Ismail or not.”

“Alright, ask away.”

“First, how do you feel when you have not seen him for half a day? Not a whole day, just half a day? Second, how do you feel when you are together? And lastly, what place does he have in your heart?”

“For the first question, I miss him terribly if I don’t see him for half a day. The second one, I feel very happy whenever we are together. I feel like all my happiness is with him. And for the last question, Ismail has all my heart not just a place in my heart.” I smile while answering without thinking too much because I already knew all the answers.

“There you have it, your answer. I don’t need to tell you how you feel about him anymore.” Waheeda grins while she walks away.

She was right. She did not need to tell me, because I finally understood what I felt for him. I am in love with Ismail. Oh my God, I am in love with Ismail. I don’t even know what to say or do or think with these feelings for Ismail. What if he does not love me back? Why do I always think negative, whenever I understand my feelings? I might be surprised. He might care for me and there is only one way to find out. I will have to tell him about my feelings and ask him if he feels the same way. Do I have the courage to tell him how I feel? I don’t think I can do that. If he does not feel the same way, things will change between us and I don’t want that to happen. So, I am going to keep my feelings to myself till I find the right time to tell him.