Clueless Love

“My name is Doctor Marcus. I am the surgeon in charge of Mr. Adam. He was brought into the hospital in a critical condition, but we were able to stabilize his condition.” Dr Marcus tells us.

“So, you are saying he is alive?” Fatima asks sounding very hopeful.

“Yes, he is alive, and he is recovering well,” Dr Marcus says, finally smiling.

“Allah Akbar, can I see him?” Fatima asks, while crying tears of joy.

Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah) he is alive, I have never been so grateful to see Fatima smile as I am right now.

“Yes, doctor can we see him?” Ismail says, sounding very eager to see Udar.

“Yes, you can, but not all of you at once. Please follow me.” Dr Marcus replies.

“Alright doctor,” Fatima says. We follow the doctor to the last door on the floor.

“This is his room. I will leave you guys to it, but please take it easy. He needs to rest,” Dr Marcus says and walks away.

Fatima is the first to go in; there is a big glass window so we can see inside his room. She steps inside the room. I can tell she is speaking to him, but he is still unconscious, so he does not reply. She also wipes a few tears from her eyes. I don’t know if they are tears of joy or pain as he is not looking good. She comes out after a few minutes. Ismail and Austin go in after Fatima. They both come out with the same sad look Fatima had. Emma and I go in after them, and I understand why Fatima had tears in her eyes.

Udar is looking so pale, you could mistake him for a dead person. If not for the fact that his chest keeps moving up and down you wouldn’t believe he is alive, even with the heart monitor showing he is alive. I make a little dua, praying for his full recovery before walking out. Outside the room, Fatima is nowhere to be found.

“Where is Fatima?” I ask Ismail and Austin.

“She went to speak to the doctor.” Austin replies

“Oh, alright.”

“She is coming back.” Emma says watching Fatima walk back to us.

“What did the doctor say?” Ismail asks Fatima when she reaches us.

I wonder what Fatima went to ask the doctor. I wait for her to answer Ismail, and if I don’t understand I will ask her.

“He said he does not know when he would wake up,” Fatima replies sadly.

“Did he say if there is anything we can do to help him wake up?” Ismail asks.

“He said talking to him a lot would help.”

“Alright, we will do that.” Ismail nods.

Oh, that’s why she went to see the doctor. Wow, Udar’s condition is more serious than we expected. In Shaa Allah, he would wake up soon. We say our goodbyes to Fatima before we all leave the hospital to go home. Fatima is staying the night over at the hospital. She wants to be there in case he wakes up. Emma and Austin leave together planning to come back tomorrow, or rather, later in the day to check up on Udar. The same goes for Ismail and me.

I walk to the parking lot. I see Ismail get into his car and drive of in a different direction than I will be taking home. Wow. Is this how it’s going to be from now on? Ismail taking a different way home from me. I have gotten used to him following me home every time we leave work. I don’t like the idea of him not following me home. It just seems unusual, but there is nothing I can do about it. It’s his decision if he wants to stay in the house or not. I will have to get used to him not coming back to the same house as me. I get into my car and drive home.

It is almost 1 AM by the time I arrive home. While parking my car in the garage, I look at the spot where Ismail usually parks his car and find it empty. Looking at the empty spot makes me feel sad. I park my car and walk inside the house.

I thought I had come to terms with the fact he is gone, but when I walk toward my room and see his, I feel like I am about to cry. I can’t believe I already miss him, and he has not even been gone for a whole day. What will happen when he is gone for a week? Thinking about it brings an ache to my heart, and to top it off with everything happening to Udar it’s just making me feel sadder tonight.

I did not know I liked Ismail so much that it causes my heart to ache for him. I even doubt LIKE comes close to how I feel about him. Is it LOVE I feel for him? How do you know if you love someone? I can’t answer that question, so I can’t use that term yet.

I quickly walk into my room, not wanting to dwell too much on my thoughts tonight. I have a lot of sad things happening right now, but In Shaa Allah, I must trust everything will work out for the better.

The next morning, I wake up a bit late. It’s already 10 a. m. It was by Allah’s grace I was able to get up and keep my eyes open for Fajr prayer. I went back to sleep after praying and must have slept deeply.

I walk downstairs to have something to eat. I go into the kitchen and find everyone except for one person at the breakfast table. It is Saturday, so breakfast is not early. I still expect that one person to come down and have breakfast with us, but I know that is not going to happen. Only not hearing his voice this morning is making me miss him badly. I can’t live like this. I know I like him, but he left the house. I can’t do anything to change it, because for him to leave without even telling me means I don’t matter to him. So, I better come to terms with it or drown myself in sadness from missing him.

“As salamu alaykum, family,” I greet everyone at the table.

“Wa alaykumu salam, Umit,” everyone answers.

“Umit, I heard Udar is recovering but he has not woken up yet” Aazim says.

“Yes, he is.”

“Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah) I wish him full recovery.” Waheeda says.

“Mummy what is wrong with uncle Udar?” Eman asks. Udar is like an uncle to Waheeda’s kids. Most of the time when he comes to see Ismail, he plays with them. The kids love him, as he can be very playful around kids. Ya Allah, please save him, he is such a good person.

“Uncle Udar is sick.” Waheeda tells her.

“Oh, In Shaa Allah he will be well soon,” Eman says.

“Ameen,” everyone agrees.

“Can we go and see him today, mummy?” Aayan asks.

“When he is feeling better, we will all go and see him,” Waheeda confirms.

“Alright, mummy. And can I take ice cream for him when we go and see him. You know ice cream makes everyone feel better,” Aayan perks up.

“Yes, we can take some for him if you want,” Waheeda smiles.

If we lose Udar, it would be a big loss to all of us, even the children. I don’t even want to think of such a thing happening. I can’t even imagine what Fatima would go through. I should stay positive and pray hard for him to wake up soon. After breakfast I take a shower and go to the hospital to see him. I wear a striped jumpsuit with sleeves, brown sandals, a black bag, and a black hajib. Today I drive my Mercedes to the hospital. I don’t drive the Lamborghini that Ismail got for me. It reminds me too much of him, and I am trying not to miss him.

I arrive at the hospital and walk inside, praying I don’t run into Ismail. Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah) he is not here, but I am sure he is not far. I enter Udar’s room to see how he is fairing, and Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah) he does not look as pale as yesterday. He must be recovering fast, but he is still unconscious.

“Umit, you are here.” Fatima says coming out of the adjoining bathroom.

“Yeah, I just got here. How is he doing?”

“The doctor says he is recovering well and should wake up soon.”

“Alright, In Shaa Allah he will wake up soon.”Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

“Ameen.”

I spent a little time with Fatima before going home. Fatima noticed I was looking a bit sad and knew it was not because of Udar, even when I tried to hide it. I told her why, and she said I should not worry and that with time I would get used to him not been around again. Which I know is totally true even though it feels impossible. I know with time I will get used to Ismail no longer living with us like before. Which is funny now that I think of it, because before I would have been glad he left. But now I am so sad about it. Things do change when you start living with someone.