BREAKING POINT

It was difficult for Penny to imagine Jeremy as he would be when he came into the flat this evening. She had only her memories of what he used to be and his voice, his calls, his texts… Those long, descriptive but heartbreakingly impersonal texts of his from which to draw her picture. With soul searing honesty, she forced herself to realize that Jeremy’s life in Cairo was by no means a parallelism of her own. Having a baby was perhaps one of the biggest and most wonderful experience in a woman’s life. Having an illegitimate baby particularly taught one a lesson. But she could not make herself believe that the gay, social round of parties Jeremy had described would have taught him anything. Worse, it had no doubt increased his passion for youth, his desire for fun, his irresponsibility.

Perhaps he had met someone else? Perhaps she, Penny, had ceased to mean more to him than a memory… A pleasant but out of date memory like the girl he had once told her about. She had felt sorry for that girl. Now probably, some woman in Cairo was feeling sorry for her.

Unable to bear such reflections, Penny roused herself. She concentrated on cleaning and tidying the flat. When at last it was to her liking, she ran the bath. Relaxed and refreshed after half an hour in the water, she started to dress with care.

Studying her reflection in her bedroom mirror, Penny observed without emotion that she was not quite so slim as she had been before Howard was conceived. Her hips, her breasts were rounder, fuller. Only her waist line was miraculously unaltered. This seemed lucky since she heard that a woman’s waist line increases after child birth. Nevertheless, the inches elsewhere were becoming. Her completion was still flawless and her hair and eyes seemed brighter than before. She looked… And felt… More mature. The young girl Jeremy used to tease had gone. This was a woman.

Penny felt a moments swift elation, knowing that in some unaccountable way maternity suited her, gave her an added allure. She felt refreshed, renewed, and the thought of Jeremy once again had the power to send a thrill through her body, to set her heart racing, to quicken the flow of blood in her veins.

The sound of a taxi drawing up in the news below brought a rush of color to her cheeks. Hurriedly she added the finishing touches to her make up, straightened her shoulders and tried feverishly to calm the nervous beating of her heart. She must be calm, composed, mistress of the situation whatever the final outcome.

There was a sharp knock. She heard Jeremy’s voice calling her name and stood rooted to the floor unable to move or speak.

“Hello! Penny! Are you there?”

“Yes I’m here. I’m coming”

As she spoke, she simultaneously regained control of mind and body and moved forward.

“Couldn’t find the key…” Jeremy began, but he broke off sharply as he became fully conscious of the young woman standing facing him with her hand on the door knob.

“Penny. Good God. I hardly recognized you. You have changed”

“Have I?”

She met his startled gaze with a long, level look.

‘He has not changed. He is just the same. Same fair hair, still trying to curl in spite of the stuff he puts on it. And his eyes so blue. I have never seen anyone with eyes quite the same shade… Except little Howard’s. He is sunburnt and it suits him. Brown face and blue eyes. I had almost forgotten how attractive he is’

She breathed quickly… Dark eyes gleaming.

“Well, come on in, Jeremy. We can’t stand here for ever”

He stepped inside, still staring at her, watched her close the door after him. She moved past him. He followed her into the sitting room.

“Hello beautiful” he said in a low voice.

“Hello handsome” she replied, trying to be flippant.

“Let’s have a drink” he said.

‘Same old Jeremy’ she thought. ‘I don’t know if I have any whisky. How awful if I haven’t a drink for him tonight of all nights’

His gaze was riveted on her… Her beautiful face and the matured figure with the tiny waist. And she was thinking,

‘Don’t let him unnerve you. Keep moving about. Do something.. Anything. ”

“Penny”

She turned at the sound of the imperative voice. With a great effort she stood perfectly still, kept her eyes level as she came quickly across the room.

‘He’s going to kiss me. Don’t let him. Don’t let him’  she thought.

“Yes Jeremy” she said.

Jeremy paused, understanding that somehow she had become unapproachable, yet not comprehending why. His arms dropped to his sides. He felt for his cigarette case and offered it to her. Penny took a cigarette and turned quickly. She knew her hands were trembling but she did not intend that Jeremy should know it. He lit two cigarettes, gave her one and sat down on the sofa, feeling awkward.. Finding her changed… Unaccountably so.

Penny sat on the arm of the chair facing him.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it, Jeremy?” she began. “How are you?”

“All the better for seeing you again, darling” he said quickly. “What have you done to yourself? You are different”

“Am I?”

“Yes….. Yes. And more beautiful than ever”

“You flatter me”

“No, it’s true. I can’t explain it. You… You’re more of a woman.. Less of a girl”

That was what she had been thinking about herself.

“I’m a whole year older” she said lightly. “And several inches fatter”

“But it suits you. God, Penny, you are so damn attractive”

‘Careful now! Careful! Don’t let it go to your head’ Penny thought.

“How is your father?” she asked lightly, playing for time

“Oh, very fit… Penny, let’s stop pretending we are strangers” he said. “Let’s discuss the things that matter”

She noticed that the hand that held his cigarette was shaking, saw the ash tremble and drop to the floor.

“Things that matter?” she echoed his last words carefully.

“You know damn well what I mean” Jeremy almost shouted as he jumped to his feet. “Us of course”

He stepped towards her and before she could avoid it, pulled her imperatively into his arms and covered her face and throat with kisses. There was nothing studied or deliberate about either of them now, Jeremy’s kisses were hot and passionate growing steadily more wild, more demanding. Penny fought against the increasing desire to give way to her own mounting passion.