BREAKING POINT

Audrey, however, was convinced that many other people beside herself would be prepared to pay quite a reasonable price for Penny’s sketches. One afternoon, she borrowed Joey’s car and took the portfolio to town. When she came back, she went straight to Penny ”

“There’s an offer for you from a man who runs an art gallery and bookstore” she said. “He’s willing to buy your sketches”

“I can hardly believe it” Penny cried incredulously. “Audrey, you are a sly old thing. Where have you been?”

“Penny, listen, you have to take it. It’s such a good offer” Audrey said.

“Of course I know that. It’s just so good to be true” Penny laughed. “And the pay is good. I’m so grateful, Audrey. I need the money. Especially now that I have Howard”

For the two weeks preceeding her departure, Penny was glad of the distraction her sketching afforded her. Together with Howard’s feeds and the bottles, diapers, there was like time to give way to the growing nervousness which attacked her whenever she thought of Jeremy.© 2024 Nôv/el/Dram/a.Org.

Only at night when she could not sleep, did she have time to think over the importance of meeting Jeremy again. She realized how conclusive would be any decision they might make. Whatever happened, she could not resume the old life with Jeremy. She had certain duties and responsibilities now that she was a mother. Penny loved her son almost more than she loved Jeremy… Only it was a different kind of love. They were not really comparable.

But she knew she could never leave Howard, even if it meant losing Jeremy. Howard was of her own flesh and blood, and although Jeremy meant so much, once she had been able to live without him. He was not really a part of her in the way that the baby was.

Beneath those worries however, lay the brave conviction that everything would be alright. Jeremy’s calls and texts still brought her a sense of security. His constant repetition of his love and longing to see her and be ‘home’ again, gave her hope. She could not believe that she would ever need be separated from him finally. Impossible to imagine a life which did not include him. Unlike Audrey, she never thought beyond their next reunion. She had not contemplated what she would do with herself or Howard if things did not work out as she hoped. In her imagination, she saw Jeremy with his arms round her, his face on their wedding, his face when he first saw Howard, recognized the existence of his fair haired, blue eyed, marvelous son

Only Audrey looked beyond that moment and saw Penny returning to her place… To the comfort of Joey’s arms, saw her turning to him for consolation, saw Joey, with his tact and immense love for Penny, winning her round to the realization that they might be happy in spite of everything.

But Audrey kept those thoughts to herself. When the morning came for Penny to leave she held her hand and kissed Penny with love and tenderness.

“Good luck darling”

“You will call me immediately if anything happens to Howard?” Penny repeated for the hundredth time. Now that the moment had come for her to leave, she could not bear to say goodbye to her baby.. Even though she planned to be back before the end of the week and to bring Jeremy with her.

“Of course” Joey and Audrey said together. “What could happen”

“Oh I don’t know” Penny said with a nervous laugh. “But you will call me?”

“Of course” Joey said again. “Come on, Penny, or you will be late”

He helped her into his car and drove away. Penny leant out the window and watched Audrey’s figure holding the infant in her arms till they grew smaller and were gradually lost among the trees.

“Feeling okay?” Joey asked her gently.

“Oh I’m fine” she replied and smiled at him.

But she felt as though she had left most of her heart behind her in Audrey’s arms.

——————

Penny fitted the key into the door of her little flat and stepped across the threshold into the miniature hall. The door slammed behind her in the sudden draught and she recalled the afternoon almost exactly a year ago when she had experienced this same moment. As though she reliving a well remembered dream, she walked into the sitting room. She gave a tiny shiver and put on the lights.

A year ago… So much had happened in that year. She had lived with and loved Jeremy and had borne his child. She had been parted from Jeremy for nine long months.. Almost three quarters of that year. Now, in a few hours, she would be seeing him again, in a few hours she would know whether she still loved him, whether he still loved her, whether he still wanted to marry her…. Whether he wanted to be a father.

Dear and hope burnt like twin flames in her heart. Not again must she try to cheat destiny by failing to tell the whole inevitable truth. This time she could not… Must not lack courage. She would fight for him as she had once lacked the courage to gamble for herself. Howard made all the difference. Motherhood had undoubtedly changed her because now she could no longer think only of herself. She must first think of her child and consider always how her actions would affect him, and that meant that however much she and Jeremy might want to resume their affair where they had left it off nine months ago, it might no longer be possible. The only relationship left to them now was marriage. They had put it off for too long. When he knew about Howard, Jeremy would see that too. But first she wanted to give him a chance, give herself a chance. First she must find out if Jeremy wanted her for herself alone. Afterwards she would tell him about his son.

Would Jeremy have changed? Had this last year taught him as it had taught her, that one cannot evade responsibilities even although one could temporarily postpone them? Would he have learnt that youth cannot last forever and that the fight to preserve it means a harder path to follow than that of  accepting the moment of truth… Of revelation?