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“OK, OK, meet and greet time is over,” Lucy said, breaking in. Her voice abruptly serious. “Come on Dylan, we need to go give Lindsay her birthday gift.”
“Let’s give it to her later,” I said. Lucy glared at me so hard, I felt my bones begin to crack.
“What is it with the names in your family, anyway?” Kara asked, oblivious to the implied violence in front of her. “Lucy, Dylan, Lindsay. And what’s your older sister’s name again?”
“Jan,” I said, “My parents are huge classic rock fans.”
“Janice Joplin, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, Bob Dylan, Lindsay Buckingham.” My sister ticked the names off her fingers like it was rote.
“No Stevie, huh?” Kara said, clearly making a joke.
Both Lucy and I eyed each other. There had been a Stevie, but Mom had lost him in the last trimester. It occurred to me — that was truly when my family’s troubles had begun. One long, slow, downhill slope from there. I’d never realized it went that far back, but there it was.
“I’m going to get a drink,” Lucy announced. She jumped up, grabbing my arm. “And so are you.”
“Sorry,” I said, as my sister dragged me away. “It’s been a rough summer.”
*
I tried to get back to Kara, but Lucy wouldn’t let me.
“Why would you introduce us if you don’t want us to talk?” I asked. We were both standing in the kitchen. My older sister had stepped up to mixed drinks, finishing a rum and coke way too quickly for my liking.
“I thought it would be funny,” Lucy said, “You know, after what you told me last month. But instead, you had to go and make it all weird.”
“Weird?”
“Flirty,” Lucy said, “That’s not cool. You can’t just, like, pick up my best friend, OK?”
“I kind of feel like she was being flirty with me,” I said.
“Whatever,” Lucy said, putting her cup down forcefully. “It’s not OK so don’t do it.”
I should have let it go at that. I can’t play dumb; I knew exactly what the problem was. And if Lucy had been flirting with one of my friends I’d have been equally upset. But in the moment, well, Kara was super cute. And I hadn’t lied before, I really had crushed on her pretty hard in high school. To have her get all bothered about me, that was the kind of ego boost I couldn’t back off of.
Like Lucy had said, our time together was going to end. We weren’t in some forever relationship. So, what if I tried to play the field a little? Was it so wrong to want to be a boyfriend instead of a beating-off little brother? And yeah, maybe I’d had a little more to drink than I’d let on, as well.
So instead of being a supportive sibling and letting it go, I pushed the issue. “I can do what I want,” I said, “You’re not in charge of me.”
Lucy scowled at me. “Fine, go back to your slut,” she said. I waited for the argument. Wanted it. Instead, my older sister gave me one last angry look, then flounced off. “See if I give a shit.”
I did go back to find Kara, but I was too pissed off to make anything of it. We sat on the lounger and talked about nothing. Not ten minutes later, the skinny brunette told me she had to head out. She gave me her number, but with only a couple weeks till she went back to school in California, it was basically worthless, and she acknowledged as much.
“Stay in touch,” Kara said, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be back for Thanksgiving, and you never know.”
By then, I was too miserable to care. My big victory had turned to ashes. All I could think about was what I’d said to my sister. How much I’d lost for what little I’d gained.
When Kara left, I rushed back into the house to find Lucy. But she’d melted into the crowd. Finally, after about thirty minutes of searching, I found her slumped into the couch in the family room.
“Heeeeyyyyyy,” she slurred out when she saw me. “It’s my favorite brother.”
Oh damn, she was far drunker than before.
“Look, Lucy, I want to apologize,” I said, the words spilling out of me.
“Don’t worry about it, favorite brother,” Lucy said, “Come sit with me.”Property belongs to Nôvel(D)r/ama.Org.
I nestled next to her on the couch. Lucy immediately lolled over me, clumsily wrapping her arms around my shoulders. Her soft chest pressed into mine.
“Ummm, Lucy?”
My sister ignored my half-protest. We were cuddling very intimately on the couch. The room was filled with other people, some of them our friends and family. This was way beyond sibling-level affection, and I was too worried about getting caught to be relieved that my earlier transgressions seemed to have been forgotten.
My sister squeezed me tight, then shifted so our faces were nearly touching. Lucy moved in to kiss me. Not a kiss on the cheek like her best friend had given me, nor a little peck on the lips like Lucy, herself, had once done. My older sister had shifted straight into make out mode.
I did my best to slip from her grip before Lucy could complete the kiss. She was surprisingly strong, but I managed to escape. She grabbed me again, though, and held me centered. She leaned in again, this time pressing her lips to my ear.
“I want you to make love to me,” Lucy said. Her tongue tickling on my sensitive flesh.
“What?! Lucy, no,” I said.
Again, I pushed her off me. Did I want to have sex with my sister? My conscious mind, my rational aspect, had already decided no. That what we were doing might be dangerous but full-on incest was straight up wrong and so wouldn’t happen.
But in my heart (and other places further south), I had to confess that the answer was yes. Yes.
In the moment, though, that choice didn’t matter. Lucy was too smashed for me to trust her. I didn’t want her having regrets. Instead, I forcefully pushed her off me. My sister fell back into the couch.
“I want to FUCK!” Lucy cried out, throwing her arms in the air. I looked around the room, but fortunately no one else seemed to hear her. Or at least they were polite enough to pretend they hadn’t.
“Lucy, please be quiet,” I said.
“Quiet me,” Lucy said, “Stick that big brother dick inside and shut me up. Make me scream your name. Give it to me, Dylan. I need it.”
“No,” I said. I held my sister forcefully by the shoulder.
“You don’t want me?” Lucy asked. She shifted from lusty to sniffly in a second. It was a frighteningly fast transformation.
“You’re drunk,” I said.
“I’m fine,” Lucy said, starting to stand up. “I thought you cared about me, but I guess I was wrong.”
“I do care about you,” I said, “I do want you.” God it was hard to confess to it, but I knew I had to. It was freeing to finally speak it. Like jumping out of a plane. Thrilling and terrifying all at once. Heart racing. Stomach twisting. “But not like this.”
“Why not?”
“You’ve had too much to drink,” I said, “I won’t take advantage of you. If you feel this way, sober, in the morning. We’ll do it.”
“I want it now,” Lucy said, pouting. “This is your one chance, Dylan. You turn me down, you’ll never get this pussy. My big tits. My sweet body. Don’t you want it little brother? Don’t you want to fuck sissy? Give it to her good? Fill her up with all your naughty little sibling spermies?”
“I do,” I said. Well, maybe not that last part. Getting my sister pregnant seemed like a really bad idea. But the rest of it? Yeah, I was up for that. But not if my sister might not mean it.
“Then do it, or I’ll find someone else who will,” Lucy said.