Unwanted Heat

Nicholas

I wake up to find Kenzie wrapped in my arms, and it immediately brings a smile to my face. When I went to bed alone last night, I thought the mornings of waking up with her in my arms were over. I knew things were fucked up yesterday, that I fucked things up yesterday. I never expected her to overhear my call with Alex-she couldn’t have walked in during a more inopportune moment. Of course, she didn’t walk in when I was telling him how much I like moments like this: lying in bed with her in my arms. No, she had to walk in to me saying that I can’t fall in love with her. I’ll never forget the look in her eyes, there was so much hurt in them. She has the same look after she has a nightmare, and it nearly killed me to know that this time I caused it.

I’ve tried to apologize, to talk to her about what she heard but she keeps pushing me away. I don’t think she wants to talk about it, but according to Alex that’s the worst thing I could let happen right now. Of course, he also demanded a raise since I failed to put marriage counselor in his job description.

I spent hours sitting in the golf cart watching Kenzie on the beach yesterday, trying to figure out how to fix things between us. I don’t know what Kenzie was thinking about, but she looked just as lost as I was; she just spent the time after Julie left looking out at the water. So many times I wanted to go down to her, sit next to her where Julie had been and tell her how sorry I was. I didn’t, though; she made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want me to go with her. I wanted to respect her need for space, even if it was killing me to do so. I know her personal space is important-that was obvious from the first contract with Bridget. I didn’t want to do something to fuck things up further between us.

It took me a long time to finally fall asleep last night; my mind kept racing, trying to figure out how to fix things. Once I finally fell asleep, it wasn’t long before a nightmare set in. What surprised me was that the nightmare ended so quickly-they never end so fast. I was stunned to feel Kenzie’s lips on mine, her hand in mine and her tongue gently coaxing my mouth open. Still shaking from the nightmare, I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close to me, needing to feel her body against mine. Almost instantly I was calmed down and the memory of the nightmare was gone.

I eventually fell asleep again last night, and until the bright sun woke me up only a few minutes ago, I slept soundly. As I watch Kenzie sleep next to me, I realize that this is the perfect opportunity to finally clear the air between us. She’s lying next to me, my arms are around her, so she can’t easily leave like she did yesterday. Well, I suppose she could but since tying her to bed isn’t an option, this is probably the best chance I have for keeping her in one place long enough to at least listen to me. Now… if only I could figure out what the hell I should say to her.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Kenzie mumbles without opening her eyes.

I chuckle at how in tuned she is to me right now.

“Kenzie,” I sigh before rolling on my side, so we are now facing each other. I pull her closer to me, needing to again feel her body against mine. Her hand teases my hair while the other is resting on my arm.

“Did you sleep okay after…?”

“I did, thank you… for coming to me, for waking me up.”

“I didn’t know what to do. I needed to wake you up, but I was so afraid of touching you and making it worse.”

“Kenzie, I… I can’t apologize enough for yesterday-”

“It’s not-”

“It is. I know you want to ignore what you heard, because you think it will be easier, but we can’t do that. I hurt you and I will never forget the look in your eyes when you walked in after hearing what I said.” “Nicholas,” she tries to pull away from me, but I wrap my arm a little tighter around her waist.

I’m not holding her tight enough to freak her out (at least I don’t think I am), but I’m holding her tight enough that she can’t just easily get off the bed and leave.

“What you overheard was Alex pushing me, but what I said wasn’t about you Kenzie. I need you to know that it had nothing to do with you-”

“Hmmmm,” I can hear the sarcasm clearly; she is no longer looking at me, her gaze now fixed on my shirt.

“Kenzie, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.”

“Please, don’t give me the ‘it’s not, you it’s me’ line. Look, I get it:

you can’t love me. I don’t see the point in hashing this out any further. I don’t know why you’re so intent on us talking about it and making things more awkward between us. Please, just let me up so I can take a shower and get dressed.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. You’ve been avoiding me since yesterday, and I’m not going to let you continue doing it. I never said that I can’t love you-”

“You did!”

“No, I didn’t, damn it! What I said was that I can’t fall in love with you. There’s a big difference!”

“It’s the same thing.”

“No. Not being able to love you means you don’t have any qualities that someone would find loveable. Nothing could be further from the truth. You’re kind, generous, strong, beautiful, sexy, trustworthy and just fucking amazing. When I said that I couldn’t fall in love with you, it wasn’t because I didn’t see those qualities in you. I see them every damn day that we spend together!”

She doesn’t say anything-I don’t know if she’s still listening to me or if she’s just tuning me out.

“Kenzie,” I sigh trying to figure out what the hell I can say to her to fix this. “I… I’m fucking scared.”

“What are you scared of?” her voice is barely above a whisper, but at least I know she’s not tuning me out.

“I thought… I thought I fell in love once. Looking back, I realize now that what I felt for her wasn’t love at all. But it doesn’t change how things ended. I nearly lost everything when… I can’t do that again. I… I just can’t.”

“I get it, I really do.”

“You mean more to me than she ever did. I trust you more than I have anyone in my life. I care so much about you, Kenzie, which is why seeing you hurt yesterday because of something I did nearly killed me-”

“I’m sorry-”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. It was damn bad luck that you walked in when you did; you could have heard any other part of that call with Alex, and it wouldn’t have hurt you. Instead, as fate would have it, you walked in the moment I said the worst possible thing. This week… I’ve really enjoyed spending this week with you, more than I ever expected to. I feel like we’ve become closer than we were before…” “We have,” she whispers in admission.

“I don’t know how to tell you how much you mean to me. Somehow over the last few months, you have weaved your way into my life. You somehow get me like no one ever has. I have no idea how, but you manage to keep the nightmares away simply by sleeping next to me. You’re the only woman I’ve ever shared a bed with, the only one I’ve ever trusted enough to sleep next to me. I don’t know how to classify what we have: it surpassed a business arrangement months ago, and I think in the past week we’ve also surpassed just being friends. We’ve somehow become more…”Content bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.

“I’m so sorry I walked in yesterday when I did. I wish I had just texted you like you asked-”

“Stop apologizing, you didn’t do this.”

“I wish we could just forget that yesterday happened. I’ve really been enjoying this week and spending time with you. I missed sleeping next to you last night; you make me feel safe when you sleep with me. I… you’re not the only one scared. I swore I would never fall for a guy again; I was content with spending the rest of my life alone rather than risk getting hurt again. I went as far as ensuring that I wasn’t even alone with a man for the last two and a half years.

“Then I met you and you somehow managed to knock down all the walls I had put up. I care for you Nicholas… deeply, more than I think I have for anyone in my entire life. And yesterday, hearing you say… what you said, I thought it meant that what I was feeling was one sided. That you didn’t see me as anything more than your friend…”

Her voice trails off at the end, and I’m gutted once again. I lift her chin up, forcing her to look at me.

“Kenzie… I think you can agree that we passed friendship some time ago. Does this feel like friendship to you?”

Without giving her a chance to even think about it, I lean down and crush my lips against hers. I pour everything into the kiss, hoping for her to feel what I’m struggling to find the words to say. She gasps in surprise, I’m sure at the intensity of the kiss, and I take advantage of the opportunity to slip my tongue into her mouth. She moans against my lips before her tongue cautiously begins to explore mine. I run my hand up her back, holding her tight against me as I devour her mouth. I groan when she sucks my tongue into her mouth, the sensation going directly to my dick. I know she can feel it against her, there’s no way for her not to with how close we are right now.

As I run my hands over her soft curves, I realize that for the first time since we arrived here, she isn’t wearing one of the nighties that Susan had packed for her. I can’t help but feel responsible for her decision not to wear one of those outfits. I wonder why she chose to wear a tank top and shorts to bed? I want to ask her about it, but I’m almost afraid to know the answer. Is it because she knew she would be going to bed alone? Is it because she thought that when I said I couldn’t fall in love with her that she thought that meant I didn’t find her attractive? Surely she has to know that after everything that has happened between us this past week that not finding her attractive wasn’t even a possibility.

I somehow manage to pull my lips from Kenzie’s and slowly start kissing my way to her neck. I kiss, nibble and suck at the juncture where her neck and shoulder meet. Her breathing is heavy and every so often she releases the softest moans that make my dick harden even more. I slip my hand beneath the waist band of her cotton shorts, grasping her soft ass, pushing her further against my dick, wanting to leave her no doubt how attractive I find her. I can tell the moment her own desire begins to take over as she begins to rock against me, rubbing her clit against my dick. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point, she must have moved her leg as it is now resting over my hip. She’s using it to hold onto me just as much as I’m holding on to her right now.

“Nicholas,” she moans as the desire climbs even higher within her.

My own desire is climbing-each time she moves against me she manages to rub me in just the right way. The thin fabric of our pajama shorts is the only thing separating us, the only things preventing me from sliding deep into Kenzie. If only things were that easy-

“Please…” she whispers, pulling me from the path I was about to go down of focusing on how fucked up I am.

Instead of doing that, I focus on the beautiful, sexy woman that is in my arms. I slide my hand from her ass to her damp silk panty covered sex. She gasps and pushes herself both against my hand and against my dick at the same time. I let my fingers slide through her wet folds, teasing her further before sliding one deep into her throbbing center. She grips my finger so fucking tight that I can’t help but imagine what it would feel like to have her grip my dick that hard.

“God, Kenzie… You have no idea how badly I want you,” I whisper to her just before sliding another finger into her.

“Nicholas… I…”

“I got you, baby,” although the position is awkward because of how we’re laying, I manage to twist my fingers as I push them deeper into her until I find the spot I was looking for. “Come for me, Kenzie.”

“OH! NICHOLAS!!!!!!!” She wraps her arms around my shoulders, pulling me even closer to her as she rides out the waves of her orgasm. Her body continues to rub against mine; her lips are on my neck, sucking and kissing me just as I was doing to her a few moments ago. When she sucks on my ear, I swear I nearly come in my shorts right then and there. I use the arm that is around her back to hold her firm against me as I start thrusting my fingers in and out of her warm, tight body, not yet ready to let her go. She moans in my ear before biting it lightly, causing my hips to thrust against her involuntarily.

“Kenzie… you… don’t,” I pant when I feel her hand working its way into my shorts.

“I know, I want to,” she whispers just before she wraps her hand around my dick which has been begging for some attention.

When her thumb glides over the top of my dick, rubbing the drops of moisture that had been collecting there, I swear it takes everything in me not to lose it in that moment. I’ve never felt so out of control with a woman as I do with Kenzie. I’ve never been so fucking turned on just from foreplay -if this is even considered foreplay since it doesn’t result in sex. Whatever the fuck it is, she manages to have me so close to coming, the moment she touches me every fucking time. I’ve never been like this… ever.

“You feel so fucking good,” our bodies have separated a little to give us each enough room to move. I take advantage of the new position and rub my thumb over her clit, causing her to thrust against my hand and grip my dick even tighter as she strokes me. “So fucking good.”

“Nicholas… I’m going to…” I rub her hardened clit a little more which is all it takes to push her over the edge as she once again screams my name.

“Fuck, KENZIE!” She grips my dick harder while her body sucks my fingers deeper into her as she falls apart against me. Imagining it’s my dick inside of her, instead of my fingers, has me following Kenzie right over the edge only seconds later.

Her lips slowly make their way from my ear back to my lips where she gently kisses me. I let her lead the kiss, and she does just that. I hold her against me not yet ready to let her go. After the way yesterday ended and we went to bed separately, I never expected us to be here like this today. Hell, I wasn’t sure we would ever get back here.

“Definitely more than friends,” she laughs, and I chuckle remembering what I said to start all of this a little while ago.

“Let’s go take shower,” I kiss her one last time, take her hand and lead her inside.