Unspoken Pleasure

Austin groaned and got up. He decided he'd jack up the A/C in the house and see if that did anything. As he tiptoed back down the dark hallway, he heard something that sounded like a sob coming from Lexi's room. Without thinking about it first, he knocked on her door.

"Come in." Lexi's voice sounded thin. She was sitting on her bed, wearing a pair of tiny, baby blue shorts and a canary yellow tank top. Her hair was messy, her eyes were red, but she wasn't crying. She had the bedroom lights on, and they seemed particularly bright. Almost like a spotlight.

Austin felt awkward in his old room, but he couldn't imagine how Lexi was dealing with hers. It almost looked like it was for another person which, in some ways, it really was. This was Alexis' bedroom, the girl that Lexi had been before leaving for college. The room was pink and princess-y. There was a Taylor Swift calendar on one wall. A retinue of stuffed animals lined the bed.

"You OK, Lex?" Austin asked.

"Do I look OK, asswipe?" Lexi snapped, then sniffled. "Sorry. I know you're trying to... Sorry."

"It's OK," Austin said. He sat down next to his sister on the bed. Before the trip, before the pills, they'd had an angry, hateful relationship of shouting and shoving. After everything that happened -- and here Austin had a mental image of the two of them wrapped around each other in carnal fervor, practically drowning in a rainstorm while they plumbed each other's depths -- the siblings had found an odd kind of friendship. It helped that Lexi had admitted when she screamed 'fuck you' at her brother it was a desire, not an epithet. Still sometimes the remnants of their old rivalry slipped through.

Austin reached over and took his sister's hand. She squeezed it back. He felt himself grow hard. God, Lexi was so sexy. Her long brown hair and tight body. But no. Austin fought it back. He was here to comfort, not copulate. At least, that's what he kept shouting at his dick. It didn't help that every breath filled his nose with his sister's scent: a heady, sweet vanilla that sent him tumbling.

"At least my ankle's OK," Lexi said, rotating her foot around. "Dr. Pulisic says I just tweaked it. But what about you, Austin? Are you OK?" Austin wasn't used to his older sister caring how he felt. It set him back a bit.

"No," he said, trying to mock his sister's anger from before. But it came out more whiny than rough. The day had been hard. Telling the doctor everything meant also reliving it -- the highs and lows. Austin did feel better after sharing his story. The idea that they had a path forward, had filled him with hope. But that optimism still felt like a very distant glow viewed from the bottom of a deep, dark ocean of misery. "I can't sleep. It's weird enough with everyone around and then being back here in the house. It's just weirder. You know?"

"You're have quite the way with words, brother," Lexi said with a bit of a laugh. Hey! I just used copulate in a sentence earlier! Austin wanted to retort. But he let it go. Instead they both sat quietly and watched the moonlight slowly drift up Lexi's pink wall. Finally, Austin got up the courage to ask what he was really worried about.

"Molly kind of told me what happened at the lake," he said, "I know it's none of my business but, I mean, the doctor did say we should try to talk about things. Seriously, are you OK?"

"Everything that's happened, and this is what everyone's upset about," Lexi shook her head ruefully as she talked, "I'll tell you what I told Dad, Molly, and the doctors: it was consensual. Everything I did with Kim and Cole? They asked me for permission first. And I said 'yes.' To all of it."

"That was the drug," Austin said.

"Was it?" Lexi said, "I honestly don't know if that's true. Can you say, truly, that everything you've done these past few days is 'just the drug'? And not, say, a secret desire that you never had the courage to act on and suddenly did?" Austin thought about it. He found he couldn't answer his older sister. What he'd done felt out of his control in the moment, but could he say that was the case for every instance? For instance, right then, he was looking down at Lexi's little boob, nipple pushing hard against her tank top. He remembered what it felt like to suckle on that lovely, tiny tit. How it felt as he flooded his sister's cunt with his cum. Was that really the drug?

"Did they take advantage of me?" Lexi said, "Maybe. But I can't say I didn't want them to do it in the moment."

"But if it was under the influence of the chemicals."

"Chemicals that I took, willingly," Lexi said.

"Sure, but if you get drunk at a frat party, that doesn't give some dude the right to fuck you while you're passed out, either."

"I let them do it, Austin. I swear I did. And while it was scary and weird, it was also wonderful. Like with a lot of things that happened this weekend. No one took advantage of me. I wanted it. I swear I did."

Austin looked down at his bare feet. They looked large and strange, like they belonged to a different person. A lot of this felt like it was happening to someone else. It had to, because otherwise he wasn't sure how he was going to live with himself. It wasn't what they'd done -- he knew that guilt would pass over time. Become a little dark spot on a nearly endless horizon. It was what he still wanted to do, desperately. That was what haunted him. Would haunt him forever, probably "I'm going to try to get some sleep," Lexi said, shoving her younger brother lightly on the shoulder, affectionate but rough. Just the way Lexi likes it, Austin thought, ashamed and aroused that he knew such a thing. He nodded glumly and stood. As he was about to leave the room, Lexi called after him.

"Austin?"NôvelDrama.Org: text © owner.

"Yeah?"

"I'll tell you something else. Those two college kids. The ones I was with? They weren't a couple. They were brother and sister." Lexi said it again, slowly for effect, "Brother and sister. Just like us."