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205 Ava Past Ava Was Stupid

205 Ava: Past Ava Was Stupid

“I had to look through history books,” Lucas explains.

“What are they like?”

“Selfish. Arrogant. They like mysteries and intrigue. They’ll never

enter a losing bet, and they’ll ensure they never lose. Some say they can’t lie, and others say they’re full of deceit. The stories don’t tell us much, except not to trust a Fae.”

The lack of consensus on their truth–telling abilities has me thinking. “Maybe that’s why people think Fae can’t lie,” I muse aloud. “Because of their food.” The implications unsettle me. If Fae food can compel honesty, what other powers might they possess? Steve had mentioned that the callers seemed to use Fae magic.

What are the limitations of such a power?

Lucas’s voice cuts through my reverie. “Are you worried, Ava?”

I hesitate, not wanting to add to his burdens, but the truth spills out anyway. “Yeah, I am. The person on the phone… They were so insistent that I need to learn my powers before something terrible happens.”

My mind flashes back to first learning of my power, which I still can’t wield properly. It feels like it’s been so long since then, but hasn’t it only been a few months? How does it feel like forever already?

“Selene said many people died trying to learn their powers before they started learning from others. It’s worrisome.”

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His silence speaks of his concern, and I can imagine the worry etched into Lucas‘ handsome facel

“I don’t like the sound of that.” He pauses, seeming to weigh his next words carefully. “They said you were given a book from Mrs. Elkins. But how exactly did she even get there? Kellan’s text message didn’t make sense.”

I can’t help but chuckle at the memory of Mrs. Elkins surrounded by perplexed guards. “That’s because it doesn’t. She claims it was divine intervention from the Moon Goddess.”

To my surprise, Lucas‘ response is a simple grunt of acceptance, accepting this outlandish explanation with ease.

“That makes sense to you?” I ask, incredulous.

“Ava, after the vampire attacks and discovering your existence, let’s just say my horizons have broadened recently.”

He has a point. A very good point. “I guess we’re all just navigating uncharted territory.”

He chuckles. “We’ll figure it out together.”

His words wrap around me like a soothing balm, temporarily quieting the whirlwind of worries in my mind. Together.

To think that it wasn’t so long ago when I was questioning his motives. When I was sure his feelings weren’t real. When I didn’t believe him to be my safe place.

Past Ava was stupid.

Just in a different place than present Ava. Selene’s words interrupt my thoughts, and I smile, realizing I’ve been petting her this entire

time.

205 Ava: Past Ava Was Stupid

“Ava, how dangerous are your powers?”

Sighing into the phone, I roll onto my back, absently tugging at Selene’s ears as she rests her head on my belly. “I don’t know. I can’t even access it when I want to. You saw me running; that’s the first and only time I’ve really been able to tap into it.”

“Running fast doesn’t seem that dangerous, so there has to be

more to it.”

“Mm. Selene thinks it might have to do with the elements, but so far, that’s only a theory.”

He goes quiet again. Probably worrying about me, when he already

has so much to deal with.

“I’ll figure it out, Lucas. You focus on the Council.”

Lucas groans over the phone, a sound that brings an amused smile to my lips. “Sorry for reminding you of them,” I say, my voice light despite the heaviness that seems to have settled over my heart.

“It’s been a nightmare.” There’s a pause, a heartbeat of silence, before Lucas speaks again. “Ava, I heard about your mom. I’m so sorry.”

His words hit me like a physical blow, knocking the breath from my lungs. In the chaos, I’d almost forgotten. No, not almost. I had forgotten, purposely shoving it so far in the back of my mind that it couldn’t even pop up at quiet moments to remind me.

Vanessa would probably tell me how unhealthy that is, but…

I grimace at the ceiling, tracing the faint patterns in the paint with

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205 Ava: Past Ava Was Stupid

my eyes as I try to sort through the tangled web of emotions in my chest. It’s like trying to untangle a ball of yarn that’s been played with by a kitten–a mess of knots and loops, with no clear

beginning or end.

“I don’t know how to feel,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “It’s like… most of me doesn’t realize she’s really gone. Like I’m waiting to hear her voice any minute. Like she’s going to walk through the door, take one look at me, and say, ‘Can’t you at least try to look less pathetic?“”

The words taste bitter on my tongue, like the dregs of coffee left too long in the pot. I can almost smell the acrid scent, can almost feel the gritty texture on my teeth. It’s a sensation that’s perfectly synonymous with my relationship to my mother–unpleasant, and lingering long after it should have been thrown out.

Lucas is quiet for a moment, and I can almost see him in my mind’s eye–brows furrowed, jaw clenched, golden eyes dark with concern. “Are you going to hold a funeral for her?” he asks after a while, his voice gentle. Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.

I think about it for a moment, turning the idea over in my mind. A funeral. A chance to say goodbye, to lay her to rest. But the thought leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

“No,” I say finally, my voice firm despite the slight tremble in my fingers. “No, I don’t think I will.”

“Are you going to bury her, then?” Lucas asks, and I can hear the slight confusion in his tone.

He can’t see me, but I shake my head anyway. It’s like a physical denial of the influence she still has over me. “No. I’d rather burn

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205 Ava: Past Ava Was Stupid

her.” The words come out harsher than I intended, sharp and jagged. Like broken glass. “I don’t want her toxicity to have a permanent place on this earth.”

Lucas lets out a surprised laugh, the sound startling in the heavy silence of the room. Most wolf corpses are not burned; the funeral pyres of the vampire’s victims are an anomaly. Burned so they can’t rise again.

“That’s a bit symbolic, don’t you think?”

But I’m not laughing. “I’m serious, Lucas. No part of her needs to remain in this world. I want her gone forever. Nothing but dust in the wind. No name. No presence. Like she never existed.”

My voice cracks on the last word, and I feel a hot tear slide down my cheek. Furious with how much her loss hurts, even after everything she’s done, I brush it away with angry movements.

She doesn’t deserve my tears.

“Okay,” Lucas says softly, and I can hear the understanding in his voice. “If that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do. I support you, no matter what.”

His words wrap around me. Comforting. Secure. The warm sun on a cold winter’s day.

nank you,” I whisper, my voice thick with emotion.

“Always,” he says, and I can hear the fierce promise in his voice. “I’ll always be here for you, Ava.”