Unforgiven Sins

BenChua’s POV

I still can’t believe what I found out. I also don’t understand why even though the result is like this every time I see her, I feel complacent and secure. But, I don’t want to let it fall and completely make me feel better about Cinyla. I don’t want to lead to the opportunity to be enslaved by love.

At this time, I chose to ventilate outside my room where I could see the calm color of the water and its silent waves every time there was a breeze. I am currently sitting on the couch and just watching the vastness of our swimming pool. I am only here in the mansion, my mom was not here again. She is always busy with everything, if there is a special occasion, we just count on my hand that we meet.

I just sighed at my thoughts. I need someone to talk to but I don’t know who and where I can find that person.

Until I received a message from her…

I was to open my iPhone 14 when nanny Dian came up and said, “Sir, someone is looking for you outside. She is Cinyla. Shall I let you in?”

I was shocked when my nanny mentioned her name. Why is she here? My heart beat so fast that it seemed to lose its place.

“Sir? Sir BenChua?” Yaya Dian waved so I was alarmed and I quickly straightened myself up.

“W-what did you say again, Yaya Dian?” I looked at her seriously and showed that what he said was not clear.

“You have a visitor, it’s Cinyla.  I remember that she mentioned her name sir, she is Cinyla Montevilla.”

I bit my bottom lip before letting out the words, “I see. Just let him in, nanny and please bring us some drinks and food.” Nanny immediately nodded and left in front of me.

The pounding in my chest subsided, but now I was wondering what his real purpose was. What is he doing tonight? What will he say?

While waiting for her, I check my phone and I read the message.

I will go to your house now. I need you.

Her words are impactful. It’s just 5 words but my heart is now beating so fast. Why does this girl make me feel this way? And why do you need me? For what?

“S-sir?”

I was stopped from my thoughts when I saw him walking towards me. Her eyes are blinking and her cheeks are like a tomato because of being reddish. I stood up and approached him.

I want to speak but now I can’t move and it’s like I’m suddenly speechless. She came to me closer and hugged me so tight. I was surprised by what he did but my hands quickly responded to his embrace.

“I know sir that today is your rest day. But I can’t take this, I want to talk with you. I miss you.” Her voice softened when she said the last three words which made my heart beat faster. Why does he feel this way?

I tried to calm down because I was too shocked and confused by what he was doing. She makes me crazy!

He let go of the hug and said, “Sorry sir, I’m just shocked. Am I too late and I’m disturbing you while you rest?”

I don’t know why he’s acting so weird now. But I admit, this personality is what I really like the most.

“Not really Cinyla. Anyway, what’s the matter, and why are you here?” I act like a normal and serious one in front of her. I don’t want her to think anything is different. I don’t want to be clingy and think that I am her suitor and lover and be rejected again. It’s hard to hope and even harder to just get hurt in the end.

“I just came here because I want to talk to you, and honestly I want to ask you how are you. I know these few days a lot has happened between us. I mean, we are totally having a misunderstanding and mess trouble. I am so sorry,” she said while looking at me like a childish baby girl.

“I’m okay, don’t worry about me. Don’t think a lot, but it’s too late and I don’t understand why you want to go here to my house. Do you need me? I mean you need something, right? Anyway, you need to rest and you’ll have other things to take care of tomorrow.” I explained but she hugs me that I don’t know the real reason for it.

While we were currently walking, there were some strands of her hair left on her shoulders that caught my attention. I get it and try to put it inside my pocket so I hope it doesn’t get lost. Her hair is a little bit blonde. I thought I could use it to find out what’s true-I hope it’s not true that we’re siblings.

I let go of her embrace, not because I didn’t want her to think I didn’t. Honestly, I love the way she makes me feel but, there are many buts. Most of all, I want him to think that I was hurt by what he did in the past with his indifferences.

“I’m so sorry sir, I’m going home. I just came here to really say hello and give you a hug. Have a great sleep and goodnight, sir.” She let out a forced smile and walked away from me.

“I’m going home. Thank you for your time,” she added as if slicing my heart. I don’t want to be rude but I don’t know what to do. Cinyla turned to leave but I quickly grabbed her left hand.  “You too, take care,” I said to her seriously.

Also, I approached her and quickly hugged her. “I miss you so much,” I whispered in his ear and felt a sense of relief. This reciprocated as if it was refreshing because he had been breaking free ever since. Why do you feel this way, Cinyla? Why are you so different from now?All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

“I miss you too, sir.” My world almost stopped at her answer. She is literally weird but sweet right now. Should I shout? Or should I pray more often because of what I am doing and feeling now? I can’t believe it. This is true? I am just having a fantasy.

“I am sorry, sir. But, thank you for your time at least for a moment. By the way, I know I disturbed you so you better rest…” I cut her off and said, “Stop calling me sir, just call me BenChua and that’s enough.”

“Sure BenChua.” She smiles sweetly which makes my heart beat so fast again.

After he smiled, he completely left. I didn’t hesitate to call him because I was holding myself back.

I felt regret, but I couldn’t do anything because my feelings for her might be deepening. But I saw the sadness in his eyes when he finally left me to go home.

Am I bad? Did I do something wrong?

Until I remembered what I put in my pocket. I quickly groped for it and luckily it was still there. I want to be sure, I want to know the truth. I love you so much but… there are many buts…