Too Beautiful for the Alpha

Chapter 26

I stand in the mirror and run a comb through my hair, brushing through it before bed. My mind cannot

stop wandering to earlier when James and I kissed on his bed, and the thought makes me giddy. My

cheeks have been stained red, and my lip quivers as his lips haunt mine. I feel like a young girl, the one

I never was. The girl that kissed a boy in the trees then ran off to tell her friends about it, only I have no

friends here. There's James, then Gail and Theresa, Theodore, Will, Claire, my mother, Noah... Is it

sad that I can list all of the people I've interacted with through these past few months?

I need to find a friend, and not the kind of friends the girls at my pack used to have—always talking

about each other—but a real friend. Obviously, Claire won't work, and Theodore probably finds me

annoying. Gail and Theresa are lovely, but I need someone my age. Preferably a girl so we can be

alone without James getting any ideas.

I set down my brush and leave the bathroom, my robe tied tight to keep me warm. My bed looks the

same, same comforter, same pillows, same scent, softness, and warmth, but my mind continues to drift

to him. Do I want him here? Do I want him to sleep in my bed tonight? The night that he did was the

best sleep of my life. It's not something completely new, we have done it before, so it's not too big of a

deal, right?

I walk down the hall softly even though it is only us in the house at this time. I take a deep breath

before knocking lightly on his door, then I step back as if knocking on a stranger's front door. Crossing

my arms, I wait for a few seconds until he opens one. "Is something wrong?" James asks, glancing

down the hall.

I peer behind me for a second then look back. "Oh, no, I just...I, uh, I was wondering if you maybe

wanted to sleep with me—in my bed, I mean, like we did before." I internally curse at myself and swipe

the blush from my cheek, pushing my hair behind my ear. "If you want."

I look up at James' somewhat amused face as he leans against the doorframe. Not knowing what to

do, my blush deepens and I stand awkwardly, waiting for an answer.

"Okay," I say, wanting to run back to my room and hide. "I'm just going to go back and—"

"No, no," he stops me, "of course I will. You're just so adorable when you ask."

I swallow. "Okay, well, I'll..."

"I'll be there in a minute," he says and I nod before walking away.

I leave the door open a quarter of the way and scan over the room. Quickly, I pick up the decorative

pillows and arrange them neatly at the base of the bed, swipe up my dirty shirt from the floor, and clear

the nightstands of my empty glass and books and random things.

I sit under the covers, my legs crossed, with a book in my hand, pretending to read. My eyes glance up

at the door every three seconds until I hear him coming down the hall. My heart begins to race and the

giddy feeling returns. James pushes the door open and comes inside, and I look up while closing the

book.

"Hi," I say right away, then wonder why I'd done it.

James walks to the other side of the bed. "Hi, Rae."

I watch as the beautiful man gets into my bed, and again, young Rae comes out to question. How did I

get myself here? How is an Alpha getting into my bed? James gets comfortable and I set my book on

the nightstand, awkwardly scooting down and positioning myself. The first time we did this, I was drunk

with exhaustion and saying whatever came to mind, and now I wish I could take a quick swig of

something. I rest my head on my pillow and imagine the times when he'd come in here himself and

sleep. It's like traveling back, like I'm not here and I get to witness this need of his.

I'm enjoying this, asking him to do things I want to do, no longer scared of the backlash.

I reach over to the lamp on the bedside table and turn it off, submerging us in darkness. "James?" I

ask, remembering from earlier, "Can I get her next diary from the secret room?"

I hear him shift, feeling the bed move a bit. "There's more?"

"There's two more."

His voice is soft, not threatening or powerful like an Alpha's would be, the voice I had grown used to

when I first came. I like this one better, this soothing one. "I'll grab them for you in the morning. I'll leave

them on your shelf."

"Are you leaving early?"

"Yes. We're having a bit of trouble with the East border. There have been too many rogue sightings, so

a few groups are going to search the area for camps."

"That doesn't sound safe," I murmur.

"We'll be fine. It's nothing to worry about."

"You'll wake me up then, before you go," I tell him, "I want to say goodbye."

"It'll be early, Rae. You'll be tir—"

"You'll wake me up."

I hear him sigh. "Alright."

-James-

Her scent seeps into me as my eyes wearily open. The sky is still dark but the clock reads five, so I

peer over at Rae. She's grasping onto my arm, her hands holding tightly, and I fight with myself on

moving her. I slowly pull away, sliding the pillow in its place, and she grabs onto it, shifting and

moaning.

Seeing Rae like this, so peaceful and pure, brings a guilty feeling to my stomach. I brush the hair from

her face and bring the blanket up further, covering her arms. I close the shutters so the sun doesn't

wake her, and I quietly leave the room.

I know of my mistakes, and I will never forgive myself for them. Her happiness is all that matters, and I

will do anything to make sure she feels accepted. Though, her talking with Claire worries me. Claire's

feelings for me were far from love, she has been unstable ever since Rae arrived those months ago. It

was wrong of me to push her away so abruptly, but her words began to worry me. She never held back

when it came to sharing her opinion on Rae.

The first night I told Claire that she was my mate, and immediately Claire tried to secure her position,

talking about becoming Luna and how Mates are overrated. I let her rant. I didn't care at the time.

Once I'm ready to leave, I stop in the hall and look to her door. I drift over and check up on her, looking

in to find her asleep still. Wanting to keep my promise, I quietly make my way to her and crouch down

beside the bed. Her breathing is steady and soft, and I gently place my hand on her shoulder. "Rae?" I

whisper, and she shifts.

Rae rolls over, her eyes closed. "Yes?"

I tuck her hair behind her ear, her skin warm and flushed. I cannot tell if she is fully awake, but I

continue anyway. "I'm leaving now, okay?"

"Where?" She mumbles, and her eyes flutter open.

"To search for camps."

"Okay. Be careful."

I watch her for a moment before closing the door behind me. She is something of an angel, something

from another world. My past will forever haunt me, my memories of her pain never to be erased.

-Rae-

I find myself sleeping in, not waking up until noon. At first, I see the clock and think that it must be

broken, but then I head downstairs and Gail and Theresa greet me.

"Someone was tired," Gail says as I sit down with Theresa at the table. "What time did you go to bed?"

"A normal time," I say slowly, still waking up. "I thought someone would wake me if I was still sleeping

past ten."

"We would have, but Alpha Grant left a note to let you sleep. He said you needed rest."

"You do look well rested," Theresa chimes in. "We all need to sleep in now and then."

I nod and thank Gail as she places a plate in front of me. "How long will they be searching for camps

for?"

"Usually all day, why? Are they searching for camps?"

I nod again, taking a bite out of the sandwich. "That's what James said. They're searching past the

East border."

"Well, I'd assume he'd be back for dinner then."

We continue chatting and I decide to ask them if they know of any girls my age that may want to hang

out sometime. At first, they give me a funny look. "What?" I ask. "I'm serious."

Gail straightens up, "No, No, of course we know. Aren't you friends with that Theodore one?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I want a friend that's a girl."

Theresa grabs my attention, "You know, all the young people go to the gathering. You can go to one

and meet people I'm sure. My niece goes to every one."

"Oh, yeah," I mutter, not so enthusiastic, "those don't really go well for me."

"What do you mean? All the kids just get together and dance and talk and do whatever you guys do

now."

How do I tell them that I'm not the average 'young person'? Thinking about any gathering, my pack or

here, makes me experience uncomfortable flashbacks. I can't say that I didn't give it a shot, many shots

at that. The gathering is just not for me.

After lunch, I remember the dairies and check my shelf, but they aren't there, so I return to the hidden

door. The bookshelf is moved against the wall beside the door, exposing the handle and outline. James

must have moved it for me. Now that I think about it, I don't know how he'd find the diaries. He doesn't

know where they are or what the others look like.

I enter and bend down to the shelf underneath the window, placing the first diary in its slot and grabbing

the other two. I close the door on my way out, but leave the shelf against the wall, not wanting to break

anything in an attempt to move it all the way back. The first time I just scooted it forward a bit and

squeezed through, so I turn for the hallway but stop when an array of noises erupt from the other end

of the house. I listen carefully and immediately make out the sounds to be voices, and not Gail's or

Theresa's.

Leaving the secret room behind, I venture out into the commotion. As I near the kitchen, I see Gail

walking out and heading for the living room. "What in the world—," she starts but stops and I hurry to

her.

"What is it?" I ask, coming up beside her but promptly being swiped by the scene. Two guards stand at

the door while another stands at the bottom of the stairs while Will and another help James up the

stairs. An unknown feeling grows in the pit of my stomach, but I don't know what it is.

"What's going on?" I call to the guards, handing Gail the diaries while I hurry up the steps. "James?"

Will looks back to me with James' arm slung over his shoulder. "There was an accident."

"An accident?" I ask, growing impatient and worried. "What do you mean? James?"

I trail behind them and slip past when they reach the top. First I see his face, then I see the blood.

There is a cloth tied around his abdomen, soaked in blood. My eyes widen and my breathing speeds

up, my head spins as I touch his face.

"It's fine," he mutters, "I'm fine."

Will snorts, amused.

They turn to his bedroom but I step in the way. "Put him in my room."

"Rae we—"

"Do as she says," James cuts him off, "she's your Luna for Goddesses sake."

I open the door for them and the two set him on the bed. James winces as he lays back, and the blood

begins to drip down his side. I climb up on the bed beside him, my heart racing. Without a thought, I

grab my pajama shirt from beside me and place it on top of the blood-drenched cloth.

"We have doctors on the way, we just have to control the bleeding," Will says.

I glare up at him, not able to control my emotions. "What happened? What did you do to him? Look at

him! He won't stop bleeding! What happened? Oh Goddess he's going to die!"

"I'm not going to die," James breathes out.

"Shut up!" I shout. "I knew that stupid rogue hunting crap was a bad idea!"

"We've done it before, I mean, it's nothing new—"

"I swear, Will..." I seethe and he backs away. "All of you are a bunch of idiots! My mate's going to die, ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

and I'm going to kill all of you!"

"I'm not dying, Rae," James struggles again and I peer down at him, my pressure on his wound

growing.

"You won't stop bleeding," I say, my eyes watering. "You won't stop bleeding. I don't know what to do."

"Calm down," he brings his hand to my back, "the doctors are coming."

"Will someone tell me what happened then?"

"Damn, I don't even know," Will mutters, "these rogues just came out of nowhere. There wasn't even a

chance of communication, they just attacked us."

"How many were there?" I ask, running my hand through James' hair, needing to nurture him and

smack him at the same time.

"Four or five. They went straight for James, they obviously knew he was an Alpha."

The animal inside of me is hurting, I am hurting, these feelings are not only physical but mental as well.

My mate is bleeding in my arms and there is a similar gash in my heart. It's not the same as before,

when he was with her, this feeling is pure sadness and anxiety.

I continue to sit with him until two strangers come in with supplies. I look away when they remove the

cloth, knowing that the feeling will only get worse if I watch. So I lay down beside him, distracting him. I

play with his hair, stroke his cheek, and it all comes naturally. There is a calm, nursing side to this bond.

It is not only heartbreak and intensity, it is making the pain go away.

James may have abandoned me in my time of pain when he was that other man, but it doesn't make

me pathetic to help him. Taking away someone's pain is a gift I will always cherish. And as I watch his

eyes slowly close, I know that there is more to him, more than I am not seeing, more good.