The Soldier Next Door

I watched Ana’s back for the final time as she walked out that door.

That was three days ago.

She walked out on me before I could tell her what the only thing that is best for us to do with our relationship was. She did not give me a chance, not a second…she just walked out that door.

Today, I am still a fucking mess, and god knows I think that I will still be one for a while. The fact is that I cannot keep living in the vicious circle of absolute torture. There is nothing…between us, only spaces of emptiness and nothing. There was love…once, yet there was none; as for feeling, what parts existed? What parts of us existed?

The thing with moving on is you will be stuck there for a while. You will be moving, yet you will still be stuck in the memory, in the moments. So are you truly moving on?

I say it is bullshit.

But I cannot be that man that is going to climb into a deep abyss and sit in my own misery wondering what went wrong. I have a new role in fulfilling. Not only am I Ethan Hunter the Marine, but I Ethan Hunter a father, and both of these men will not let women ruin their lives and kick them down. I am getting off this fucking floor where I have been wallowing for the last three days, and I am claiming back my life.

So it is with a fairly surprised face that Gibbs and Matty see me enter the kitchen, dressed and ready to go, well, not sure where yet, but at least I am off that goddamn bed.

And Gibbs, being just as goddamn happy, hands me a warm cup of coffee, and just for that extra bit of motivation, he tops it off with a top of whiskey, As he hands it to me, he only but smiles, “You look like shit.”

“Ya, like you look any better. What did you boys get up to last night?”

Well, I need not even have to ask for next comes to petite blondes entering the kitchen. Then as Matty leans in, he softly whispers, “We were going to bring you one, but Gibbs reckon you will either shoot her or us.”

“You damn fucking right. Now get rid of the bitches; we have some work to do today.”

Ya, about that.

Gibbs only looks at me with wide eyes; if anyone knows me best, then it is this man with the spiky hair and deep brown eyes. He only but shakes his head and warns me firmly, “Don’t go there, Ethan.”

“I am going to,” I stop to take a sip from the cup in my hands, raising my brow at him with a cheeky smile, I inform him, “And you are coming with.”

He only but shakes his head as he drops it in his hand; with one firm squeeze on the bridge of his nose, he looks up at me and asks, “Why? What else do you want?”

“You see, Gibbs, the thing I have realized is that I made mistakes, and I made them a multiple of times. I thought that she was the one, and perhaps some parts of me still think that she is.”

“Ethan, as a friend, I am asking you, do not fucking do this.”

I raise my hand to show for him to remain quiet as I continue with a firm voice, “If I think back now, as I have for the past three fucking days, I know that I could have done things differently.”

“But,” Gibbs interrupts and makes sure to step backward, for he knows that I will fucking punch him. “What difference is it going to make now?”

“Fuck all, the past happened, but the thing is that the future can change.”

“Then,” Gibbs again. “What else do you want?”

I look at him with that newfound determination that is going to get me burned. But the fact is that Ana and I have broken up. It is over; we are single and are to do whatever it is that we want. I would love to think that maybe I would stop hating her, and we could get back together. But…

Not the fuck.

I have lost a piece of myself, and hopefully, maybe one day, she will go through the same pain. She would lose something that was good in her life. But it is time for me to stop and step into reality and stop putting little ice princess on a goddamn throne.

So, “Yes, there is something else that I want.”

And Gibbs only but shakes his head at me again; with one big gulp of his coffee, Matty joins his side, then he nods his head at me to continue.

“Ana Stone means nothing to me anymore. Do I still love her? Do I actually care? There will be many unanswered questions that come in the days to follow. One thing is, I want fucking nothing to do with her, but I want only one thing from her.”

“Well,” Matty shrugs his shoulder, “What else do you want?”

With utmost frustration that these two only think that I want Ana back, I spin on my heels and head out the kitchen but not before Gibbs calls me back, “Where are you going now?”

I look at him, giving him a good once over; as I wave over his dress choice for today, I only but utter two words, “The Raiders.”

With that, his eyes grow even wider than what it was a few minutes ago; I guess he has just come to realize what it is that I am after. Ya, I am getting my fingers burnt, but hey…

Who gives a fuck?

Ethan Hunter?

Ana Jenkins did not give one flying fuck.

I have one message for her, and I hope where she is sitting on her little throne, that she knows that it has just become a whole lot of dark out there for her. She best takes that perky little ass, and she better go hide it in a corner, for I am not done with her yet.

She is not done with me yet. She has not finished ruining my fucking life. When I stepped out of this room only but a few hours ago, my resolve was clear…

I moved on.

Now I am stuck in that abyss that I was falling.

I’m so tired of feeling sick and tired. Sitting on hope that isn’t there. Thinking about how things could’ve been for us. I want to get past this endless maze.

She has me trapped.

That goddam cage I built where she is supposed to be stuck in my heart, the moment I had that determination to get up and move on, she pulled me back and told, “Oh, this is not over.”

Well, fuck you, Ana Stone, I have a life, and it is time for me to take control of that life and stop being played like a game. I let it slide too long. You told me what I wanted to hear, just to keep me interested, to keep me going. I was so stupid to think that my future had you in it. I kind of believe it once in a while still, but it is getting so faint.

You tell me what I want to hear, just to keep me interested, to keep me going. I was so stupid to think that my future had you in it. I kind of believe it once in a while, but it is getting so faint.

I WANT NOTHING TO FUCKING DO WITH YOU.

I’m tired of beating myself up. It is what it is. You got a life you going to do what you want to do with it. I can’t change your mind about anything anymore. And same to me if you think you’ll have any control over me,

Nah.

I should move on. I wasn’t trying; I just disagreed and kept my hopes high. Really knowing deep inside that there isn’t a damn future. I just liked hearing it, I guess?

So, you, Ana…This shit is over cause now I’m trying to move on.

But, my little ice princess, I hope where you are that you are safe; I hope that you have had the sense to protect yourself better than I could ever protect you. Make sure that you are safely guarded, that there is no shadow lurking in the corners, that there are no monsters in your closet.

I hope that you are enjoying your life, that your days are filled with all those fucked it shit you always used to keep yourself occupied with. And then when night comes around, I hope that you sleep sound and safe. I wish you all the things that you never gave me.NôvelDrama.Org owns this.

But one thing I do wish you the most, I wish you feel the fear. I hope you feel struck by pain and hurt, and when the night comes to overwhelm you when you seek the warmth of someone’s arms, I hope that you find yourself alone.

So my little ice princess, keep warm, for one day I am coming back for you.