The Soldier Next Door

It is in and out of consciousness that we take the drive back to camp. My leg is hurting like a bitch, and the only thing I can focus my mind on is…not fucking again.

I don’t know how badly I am injured; the moment I try to lift my head, I have Ray pushing me down again. I have Lopez applying pressure on my leg to try and stop the blood from gushing out.

I feel like a mess.

I am losing a lot of blood very quickly, for the dizziness is starting to set in. Then…I am out.

Next time I come to, I am being carried into the nurse’s tent where you have a severely understaffed medical team running to save the lives of the badly injured. The ones only in need of a view stitched or a non-serious bullet to be removed are pushed to the side.

If I thought the battlefield was a complete mess, this is complete chaos. Today is a very sad day for every Marine that walks and that used to walk these grounds. Here, in this tent, there will be more lives be lost today.

We were not careless, we were not too self-confident, nor did we let our guard down; we got caught in what was the perfect storm. The weather betrayed us today, and we paid dearly with our lives.

Every two minutes, Ray sticks his head in the tent to see how I am doing before checking with the doctor if we have lost anymore. I think, in all his years, he never thought that he should have to go through an experience like this.

There are voices of big strong Marines that echoes to the corners of the tent in agony. They are screaming and curling with pain. Bit strong men are crying like babies for their lives to be saved. Big strong men like me that do not wish to go anywhere else but home.

With this thought spinning over in circles in my mind, my mind cannot help but wander to Ana and our baby. If there is any reason for me to hang on, then it is her. She is the only reason why I want to live. Her and my baby.

So I reach deep into my pocket, but the pain is so great that I cannot move another inch. As I try to find my way into my pocket, I have some nurse coming and scolding me for not keeping my leg still. Well, guess what, the fucking thing is still. All I can feel his pain and nothing else.

Next, she has me move on a bed. I watch as she hurriedly starts to stick a needle from a drip in my arm.

“What is that,” I mumble at her under strained breaths.

“That is something for the pain; the doctor is coming to see you now.”

Ya, and that is me. The painkillers kick me out completely for what seems to be the next hour. When I open my eyes again, I have the doctor hovering over me. As I look down, I can see him busy cutting my pants off. I am shocked to the core.

“Which fucking leg did I hurt?”

He only but looks at me, concerned, “I asked you what leg did I hurt?”

“Both, Lieutenant. Now lay still so that I can see what is going on.”

I fall back onto the bed; I only felt the pain in my one leg. I never felt the pain in the left. I am so focused on hurting my amputated leg that I never thought that I would get hurt any otherwise. So as I lay with my head back on the pillow, I swallow deep, not for the tears to fall down my face. The last thing is for the man that is supposed to be able to do everything, to start and cry. Then the doctor looks at me as I am clenching my hands into a firm fist.

“Hey, Lieutenant. I have got you. Don’t worry about being that strong, hardass. Let it go; big men can cry. I promise you that I am going to do everything that I can.”

I look at him through very foggy eyes, “Please, I don’t want to lose my other leg as well.” I go for a brief moment, silent. “Please do not take my other fucking let. I beg you. Do not touch my leg.”

He only but looks at me and smiles, and this infuriates me even more. I raise my voice over the panic that is filling the air, “DO. NOT. TAKE. MY. FUCKING. LEG.

I see several faces snap in my direction, but they are in their own pain that they do not pay much attention to me, please. He soon places another drip in me and places an oxygen mask over my face. I still try and beg him and beg him even more, but I soon find myself completely under. Now my life is in his control.

And so I lay, there is not a single thought that enters my mind, not a dream, everything only but darkness. A deep darkness that consumes my body and my mind and creeps into the depths of my soul.

As I feel myself slowly coming to again, I feel groggy and very confused from the anesthetic. I search for the doctor, but neither he nor a nurse is around. I call out for what seems to be a fairly deserted tent, apart from a few other Marines, it seems to have clear out. Not finding the doctor only but increases my agitation.

While I frantically search for some sort of medical staff around, I try to move my legs…but I cannot feel them both. My body is numb, and my arms are too weak to move down to open the blanket. I cannot get to my goddamn next, and there is nobody fucking around. I cannot even remotely wiggle my leg nor feel my toes move on my left leg. It is completely numb. I do not feel a damn thing.

Just as I am trying to lift myself off the bed, I have a nurse coming to push me down, “Where do you think you are going, Lieutenant?”

“What is going on? What happened? Why can I not feel my legs?”

She only but shakes her head at me while she checks my drip, “Sorry, but you will have to wait for the doctor.”

“Then where is the doctor?”

“He is with Ray; I will go tell him that you are awake.”Content held by NôvelDrama.Org.

But she only increases the flow of the painkillers, and in no less than a minute, I am down under again. This time…I can dream.

In my dream, I can see Ana waiting for me at the bus stop, but I cannot run to give her a hug because I don’t have legs. I can see the pain and then the anger in her eyes as she sees me slumping like nothing but a dwarf. She will never see me as a man again, and not only that, how will I ever be a father. I can see how my perfect life disappears. In an instant, just as fast as those bullets hit me, just as fast my life disappears.

I have worked so hard to become a Marine again that I was not prepared to think of the dangers. But this is what we sign up for. This is what we do. We cannot protect if we do not put our own lives in danger. I do not regret becoming a Marine, nor do I regret coming back. Not for one bit.

Consequences…

You live with them…

Then you get up, and you carry on again…

But that is not something that I can do, not at the present time and not as long as they keep pumping this damn morphine through my veins.

Do I get the idea that they are hiding something from me? Are they too damn scared to tell me what is going on? Where is this doctor that was supposed to have come seen me like what seems a day or two ago? Why? Why the fuck are they keeping me under?

Then, next, when I wake up again, I watch as one of the nurses is packing up some of the equipment and ordering another nurse around to get some of the Marines to come help move the patients that are still in the tent.

Very annoyed, I call after her, “Can you call the doctor?”

“Sorry, Lieutenant, he is at the plane, getting the place ready for you guys.”

“Plane?”

“Yes, we are going home today.”

I only shake my head at her in disbelief, “Have I been here for a week?”

“No, only four days, they sent in for us earlier. We are going home today.”

With that, I cannot let my heart jump for a brief moment, but just as the excitement sets in, I feel an incredible pain; as I cry out, I have the nurse immediately coming to give me more morphine. I know by that, by the way, it is going now; I will only be awake again when we get back to the hospital at Pendleton.

So I ask for the nurse to give me the photo of Ana that is lying on the little bedside stand; I hold it firm by the edges and put it close to my heart.

And then…

I drift off again…