Novel Square
57
She remained close.
Far too fucking close.
In fact, she even leaned into me.
And then she slowly gazed up at me. “Thank you … for not letting me fall.” A beat passed, her lips drawing an even bigger smile. “I have a favor-ish to ask.”
The light from the front door showed me her eyes and how they were focused on my lips.
“Anything, Sydney.”
“Good. Then, will you hopefully not kill me if another car shows up here tonight?”
Another car?
That meant someone was coming over.
At this hour, that could only mean one thing …
A fucking dude.
My stomach dropped.
I’d lost her.
I’d lost her before I even had her.
And it was my fucking fault-I’d waited too long; I’d pushed her away.
I’d sent her right into the arms of someone else.
My body stung at the thought.
At the goddamn realization.
I hated myself for it.
My hands dropped to my sides, and I added space between us. “Your house, remember? You can do anything you want.”
She smiled. “Thank God because I’m starving, and I’m going to order some food to be delivered.” She laughed. “My fridge is so empty.”
That’s what this is about?
Food?
Relief flooded my chest, and I practically fucking growled, “You don’t have to order anything. You can raid my fridge.”
Her face tilted up as she studied me, positioned perfectly for me to kiss her. “Does that mean you’re going to cook for me?” Her hand pressed against my chest. I wasn’t sure if she was holding herself up or if she needed the feel of me against her fingertips. “Or are you just giving me access to your food?”
My fucking God, she was hot.
“Sydney … it means I’m going to feed you.”
“Mmm,” she moaned, biting that lip I loved. “Hurry, I’m about to eat my arm.”
That sound.
That mouth.
Fuck me.
“Come on.”
My hand went to her lower back, and the moment we got into the kitchen, she stopped at the island, reaching under the glass lid to grab a cupcake.
“I forgot I made these.”
I waved my fingers at her. “Hand one over.”
“Chocolate for you.” She set one on my palm. “Pumpkin spice for me.” She pulled off the bottom wrapper and took a large bite, her upper lip covered in frosting. “God, I can bake.”
Sydney was the epitome of humble.
Timid even when it came to her sexuality.
With alcohol flowing through her veins, there was a confidence inside her that I didn’t normally see. A flirtatious side that she usually kept reserved.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.
I wanted more.
“Yes, you’re incredible at it.” I took a bite, the chocolate melting on my tongue. “In ways I can’t even describe.”
She held hers out to me. “Try this.”
“Nah. Pumpkin isn’t my thing.”
“Try it, Ford.” She licked her finger, where a gob of frosting had fallen. “It has a brown butter and maple cream cheese frosting that’s”-her head fell back, exposing a neck that I wanted to kiss-“all kinds of mmm.”
Whether I liked pumpkin or not, it didn’t matter. She could demand anything from me at this point.
My hands just needed to touch her.
My lips just had to be on her.
I fucking needed this girl.
And I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t hold off. I couldn’t stop what was already in motion.
Nor did I want to.
With her head still tilted back, she was unaware that I’d closed the distance between us until my mouth surrounded the same finger she had just sucked.
“Ah!” she gasped the second I dipped to her knuckle, licking the remainder of the sweetness she had left behind. “Ford …”
My tongue swirled around her skin, and once it was clean, I pulled her finger out and went in for the cupcake, taking a bite. “Delicious.” I chewed, swallowed. “But not as delicious as you.”
She smiled, glancing away. “What are you doing to me?”
“What I should have done a long time ago.”
My hands gripped her sides, and I was overtaken by the coconut-a scent that now drove me fucking mad.
“But, Ford, you’re going to regret this again.” Her eyes were on me, her voice a whisper.
Her back was against the island. She was unable to move. That was exactly where I wanted her-caged in by me.
“The only thing I’ll regret is not telling you how much I want you.”
She sucked in a huge breath. “Don’t.” She paused. “Don’t do this to me again. My emotions can’t take it. Not if you come and go like last time.”
I surrounded her face, pointing her eyes up at me. “Have your feelings changed?”
“No.” Her lips stayed parted, exhaling, inhaling. “They’ve gotten stronger. That’s why I can’t handle it, Ford. I can’t handle hearing those words and seeing that expression on your face, knowing I’m the one who caused it. It’s … too much.”
“Do you know that I’ve wanted you from the very beginning? That I’ve fought these feelings because I thought that was the right thing for my family?”
“You were trying to protect Everly-I get that-but, my God, that hasn’t made it any easier on me.”
“I know.” My stare hardened. “Sydney, I’m not good at this. I push women away, so they can’t hurt Everly like Rebecca did. It’s all I know. All I’ve ever done. When you came along, I wasn’t ready. Even though my feelings were different after spending time with you, I expected to push you away like all the others. But you’ve been here, every day. Caring for her. Loving her. And every day, I want you to be doing the same for me.”
“Ford …” She glanced down, as though my stare was too much. “The last time we were in this kitchen together, I understood. It made sense. But have you considered what I want?” The pain deepened in her eyes. “How badly your decisions affect me?”
“No, and that’s where I fucked up.” I held her tighter, kissing above each of her eyes. “I only thought about myself. I’ve been the selfish one here, where you’ve been there for me this whole time. You’ve given me everything I needed.”
“Because I have feelings for you. Because there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”
I pressed my nose against hers, breathing her in. “You need to believe me when I say this, Sydney: there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”
“But still … you hurt me.” She squeezed the back of my hands. “How do I know you’re not going to do it again? How do I know this time is different? How do I know you’re not going to change your mind tomorrow morning?”
I made sure her eyes didn’t move from mine, and I said, “Do you want to be with me?”
She filled her lungs. “Yes.”
“Then, you’re going to have to trust me.”
“Ford-“