Years of Silence
Jane
A deep sadness filled my chest as I joined Sarah’s team at Emily and Bronn’s cozy home. The smell of Emily’s barbecue was in the air, but it did little to lift my mood. I wandered to a quiet spot in their garden, away from the lively conversations.
I sat quietly in the garden, drinking beer alone while reflecting on the four years of my life that Brody had taken over.
The sound of grass rustling signaled Sarah’s approach. Once comforting and familiar, her presence now brought a mix of longing and nervousness.
“Can I talk to you?” she asked.
I nodded. Part of me wanted to know if she still resented me, but another part feared the answer.
Sarah began speaking while staring off into the distance. “Did you know I deliberately ensured our paths wouldn’t cross for four years? I… I didn’t know how to face you.”
I pressed my lips together, absorbing her words. A moment of clarity hit me. Why was I still afraid of Sarah’s judgment when I was the one who had destroyed the beautiful relationship we once had?
“I felt the same way,” I confessed, my voice hoarse with emotion. I took a long swig of beer, hoping it would steady my nerves.
“I felt like I had no right to show my face to you… Sarah, I was utterly broken four years ago. You witnessed firsthand how Madam Cornell manipulated and mentally abused me… When Bronn came along and rescued me from that situation, I saw him as my savior. I poured all my misguided fantasies and desperation for love onto him…”
I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. They streamed down my face, hot and relentless, like the guilt that had plagued me for years.
“I don’t want to make excuses or justify my actions. I… I want you to know I’ve missed you terribly, Sarah…” A sob escaped me, and I struggled to regain composure. “You probably know how many times I tried to end my life… I felt so utterly alone and unlovable. But when I look back, you were always there for me. You were often the first to show your love and support whenever something happened to me… And I repaid that kindness by submitting to my demons, causing you to leave my life…”Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.
I wiped my tears with the back of my hand. “After our last encounter, I still thought about ending my life. Nightmares tormented me, and I felt like everything was pointless. But just before I could act on those dark thoughts, I realized that even in the end, I was being selfish… Wasn’t I meant to suffer for what I had done? Wasn’t this pain my punishment? I was so broken, Sarah…”
Sarah enveloped me in a tight embrace, and I felt the warmth of a friendship I thought I’d lost forever. Her gentle hands wiped the tears from my cheeks as she shed her own silent tears.
“I’m jealous of you, that’s true. I’ve wronged you so deeply, yet fate has been inexplicably kind to me. I married a wealthy man and was given opportunities to work abroad…” I murmured, looking down.
“Philip mentioned that you and your husband are having problems?”
I nodded.
“Do you love him?” she asked.
“Yes.” It’s natural for me to love Brody, not because he resembles Bronn, who was my first interest. “Over the past four years, I’ve felt Brody’s respect. He’s been attentive, bringing me flowers on our anniversaries and gifts for various occasions. But…” I paused, struggling to articulate my feelings. “I’ve realized that he sees me as a wife, nothing more.”
I took a deep breath.
“What I want is a family, Sarah… Madam Cornell took away the chance for me to have that. But for Brody, all he needs is a wife on paper-a person to be intimate with in bed.”
Sarah listened intently, her silence encouraging me to continue. Her patience allowed me to express my frustrations freely, without fear of judgment.
“For months now, I’ve been troubled by Brody’s secretary. I tried to convince myself that I shouldn’t have any problems with her. Brody treated me well, making it easy to ignore what was happening. But last month, I discovered something even more shocking about their past-they were essentially in an open relationship.”
Sarah looked stunned. “You mean Brody was seeing other people? Or was it the woman who had other relationships?” Her brow furrowed with concern. “But surely, that’s not the state of your current relationship with him, right?”
“No, Sarah! Of course not!” I exclaimed, horrified at the thought. I don’t want another complication in my life. Even though my relationship with Brody might be casual in some ways, the idea that he might be with another woman… it’s like poison to my mind.
“That’s why I couldn’t relax for a whole month after I found out, and I threw myself into work. The woman was the one who introduced him to that kind of… open relationship.”
I met Sarah’s concerned gaze.
“God, Sarah, after I discovered Brody had been in such a relationship before, I rushed to the hospital to get tested for every possible infection. That’s how paranoid I became!
“When I returned from Paris, where I was managing Luminary Productions’ modeling agency, I was stunned to find his ex in our apartment. Of course, It’s only natural that I assumed the worst. I was so shocked that I immediately said I wanted a divorce!”
“Sarah, I’m set on this. I can’t deal with any more emotional stress. Loving someone who doesn’t respect you is just too draining.”
“Since his ex showed up, it’s been clear she’s got his attention, so I decided to step back. After everything I’ve been through, I need to protect my mental health at all costs…” I took another swig of beer, wincing from the pain.
My mind drifted back to that scene, seeing the secretary there, relaxed in what should have been my space.
***
My tired smile appeared in the shiny elevator doors as I headed to our penthouse apartment. Finally, after weeks apart, I was about to see Brody. He’d been texting me every day from Paris, constantly checking how I was doing.
I glanced at my phone screen again, re-reading his latest message: “I miss you, wifey. Please finish up your work and come home soon.”
Right now, he’s the only person I wanted to see. The familiar space came into view as the elevator doors opened on our apartment floor. Everything seemed normal at first, except for the two people standing frozen in the middle of the room.
Brody had his hands on Sonia’s shoulders. The cheeky woman was wearing my favorite silk nightgown. My husband was still in his tailored three-piece suit, his tie loosened and hair slightly disheveled. I couldn’t stop the ugly thoughts racing through my mind.
Did they plan to spend the night together because they thought I wouldn’t be home?
Had this happened before while I was away? Was this a one-time mistake or an ongoing affair?
“What is going on here?” I couldn’t help but ask.
Brody’s eyes widened in shock.
He’s cheating! I can’t take this anymore!
“Brody, I want a divorce!” I declared, my voice steady despite the storm inside me. Fortunately, the elevator was still there, waiting for me like a gleaming escape pod.
I stepped back into the elevator, pressing the lobby button with shaking fingers. As the doors closed on Brody’s stunned face, I took one last look at our life together…