Thirty Two
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Late Night Talks
***
Elena
Just like that, the wind went out of my sails. Just like that, I realized that I didn’t have a full understanding of what had happened.
Not really.
“No, you’re not.” Dracul said, his voice nothing more than a whisper between us.
I searched for a chair and pulled it beneath me, sinking into it. My legs were shaking, and I was finding it hard to breathe. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I couldn’t believe what was happening.
“Why?” I whispered, my voice cracking.
It didn’t make sense. Dracul had called me here, just because he needed a virgin sacrifice, a royal one, at that. He had called me here to kill me, to save his people.
So why had he slept with me?
Sleeping with me was the worst possible outcome for him.
By sleeping with me, I was no longer a virgin and no longer useful to him. I couldn’t help him.
I couldn’t save his people. He couldn’t sacrifice me. I was useless as a sacrifice. So why had he done it? I could understand needing to save his people.
I could understand him calling me here. I could even understand him killing me, despite the way that made me feel sick and betrayed. But I couldn’t understand this.
“Why what?” He said. He was no longer looking at me
.
“Why did you sleep with me?” I said, my emotions bursting out of me in a rush,
“What game are you playing?”Property © NôvelDrama.Org.
It was unfair, I knew that. He had saved me, and I knew that the emotions that I felt for him was real.
But I was angry, and I was confused. I was relieved that he was safe and alive. I was relieved that he had swooped in and saved my life.
I was relieved that we were both here and able to talk about this in the first place. What I didn’t understand was why he had dragged me here if he had no intention of following through with this plan. I didn’t know if his feelings were real if anything was real.
Everything was suddenly up in the air and absolutely uncertain.
“Game? This isn’t a game, Elena.”
“Then why?” I shot back, my voice cracking. There was a burning intensity in his eyes that almost scared me, something lurking in the distance, in the background, something dark.
He meant business and I knew it.
But at this point, I was no longer afraid. The world was uncertain, death felt inevitable and I would rather go down than spend another minute in uncertainty. I stared him down.
Dracul looked away first.
“It’s not like that, Elena.” He said. Something changed in his voice. It was like all of the anger had drained right out, leaving nothing behind but exhaustion.
I sighed and buried my face in my hands, “Then explain, Dracul, please.” I said.
There was another moment of silence between us, the silence that hung so delicately, waiting for an answer, waiting for the moment to break.
“Alright.” He said.
He took a deep breath, “I didn’t know what Gulliver was going to tell me when we got here. I knew that we needed a virgin royal, and I knew that had to be you.” He sighed and shook his head, “No one else around like you.”
I nodded slowly. That seemed to make sense.
Honestly, he didn’t seem to want to give me a straight answer when I first got here.
Most other princesses around were either married or much older than I was, so it also made sense that I was a virgin when they were not. That all added up, but there were still holes.
I bit my tongue to stop myself from questioning him. I needed to let him speak. I needed to hear everything that he had to say before I jumped in with more questions.
Dracul sighed and shook his head, “I didn’t know what you needed to do. Gulliver was still working on that part of the text. He didn’t have an answer yet and I wasn’t going to push him for one until he was ready. I needed this to work.”
He shut his eyes and took a breath. It seemed like it was a struggle for him to talk about this and I realized that I had never truly seen Dracul open before.
Even during sex, there was a slightly guarded lilt to his voice, to the way he acted. He was careful. But right now, he seemed to be honest and I wanted to let him finish.
“When we got here, Gulliver told me what we needed to do. A blood sacrifice.” He shuddered, and shook his head, looking me dead in the eyes.
“I should have done it. If I wanted what was best for my people, I would have done it.”
He swallowed hard, “But instead, I acted on instinct. I made sure that killing you would have no meaning. That way…”
“No one would have any reason to kill me.”I whispered, realization washing over me like a wave.
He had slept with me to protect me. If I wasn’t a virgin, there was no point in anyone else killing me, or pressuring him to do it. I was protected and I was safe.
The realization shook me, thundering to my very core until I felt sick. I had been so close to death, so very close to finding out what it was like on the other side.
But Dracul had protected me. When instinct took over, it had been the instinct to keep me safe, the instinct to protect me. Instead of killing, he protected.
“Exactly.” Dracul said, letting the word linger between us, “I didn’t want you to die, Elena.” He said, looking me dead on. “That’s why Gulliver is so furious. I chose to keep you safe instead of the kingdom. It’s not a choice a good ruler makes.”
There was a hardness in his eyes, but I could tell that it was not directed towards me. He didn’t seem angry with me. He was angry with himself.
I shut my eyes tight and tried to take it all in. Dracul had done this to protect me. Gulliver was angry because I couldn’t be used to save the kingdom. I couldn’t be angry at Gulliver.
And I couldn’t be angry at Dracul. It was a desperate situation and he was doing his best through it. Instinct had been to protect me. and that was something that I should be. grateful for. That was something I needed to appreciate.
And yet, there was a nagging feeling at the back of my mind, something that I couldn’t shake.
“Why did you do it?” I said, whispering through the space between us, “Why did you protect me?”
Dracul looked at me and there was something glowing in his golden eyes, Something warm and intense.
“I don’t know.” He answered finally, “There’s something about you. You make me…” He sighed and trailed off.
“I make you what, Dracul?” I murmured.
“Feel things.” He answered. I shivered, his words resonating through me and moving through my veins, into my heart.
I made him feel things. It wasn’t empty, it wasn’t just instinct.
He had saved me for a reason. The same reason he had run into the forest to save me. I suppose part of me had to realize that, part of me knew that he cared.
On some level, he had to care. It didn’t make sense if he didn’t. It didn’t make sense if he saved me and condemned his people for no reason other than impulses.
I groaned softly and leaned back. My head was spinning. It was a lot to take in, a whole lot. I was grateful, I was relieved, and I was angry. I was also confused and wracked with feelings of guilt.
If Dracul hadn’t saved me, he could have saved all these other people. This kingdom didn’t deserve to die.
Dracul didn’t deserve it. to die.
But he had protected me, against all odds, despite the cost. It was a lot to process, a lot to understand.
And it begged the question- what did our lovemaking mean? He said I made him feel things, but that didn’t mean he loved me. I didn’t even know if I loved him. It was such a big word.
I knew I cared. I knew he made me feel things too. Conflicted, angry, exciting things that I didn’t understand. I knew that my emotions ran wild around him.
I didn’t know what that meant, but I knew that I wanted to find out. I knew that I wanted him around.
I swallowed, the question dancing on my lips. I steeled myself, gathered my courage, and opened my eyes.
Facing him straight on, I asked the question that was plaguing me the most, now that my curiosity had been sated.
“Dracul… did it mean anything to you?”
“When you slept with me?”