Stolen Virtue

Alright. Who the hell would be drilling this early in the morning? My eyes felt so heavy, and I wanted to go back to sleep. So why was that person still freaking drilling? I attempted to move, to tell them to put a cork in it. My body felt wounded and frayed. My god was the bed comfortable. I felt like I was sleeping on fluffy clouds. Talk about heaven.

I did not want to move. My body simply wanted to sink into the bed and give way to deep, dark sleep. I had to move, however, to get that person to stop drilling. But the moment I move, the louder the drilling got. I put my hands to my head to settle it and that’s when I realised the drilling was happening inside my head. What the hell!

My eyes fluttered open, everything was blurred. I blinked a few time to adjust my vision. When my eyes began to focus, I took in my surroundings. The place where I was, was unrecognizable to me. It seemed familiar, yet for some reason, I couldn’t place it. Everything about the place was strange and somewhat frightening. What happened? How had I gotten here? More importantly where the hell was here?

My mind was flooding with questions, all of which I didn’t have the answers too. A terrifying fear started to set in, parallelising me where I lay. I began to sit up, hurting all over. My body felt battered and used. A moan came from behind me, freezing me in place.

My fear from earlier multiply ten folds. Someone was in bed with me, touching me. I lift the cover slightly and bit down on my lips to keep the cry from escaping.

Ohmygod!

I was naked and in bed with a stranger. My body was already telling me what my brain did not want to accept. My brain could not even form the words, it did not want to believe that, something so cruel and vile could have happened to me. I started to move slowly out of the bed, taking care not to wake the sleeping person. I did not want to find out what would happen if I stayed any longer.

As I moved I tried to remember what happened the night before, however every time I tried my mind drew blanks. It was like my brain wiped the memory completely away. I didn’t get very far out of the bed when a hand grabbed me. I froze at first, then panic set in and I gave way to a deafening terror-filled scream.

The person turned me over, clapping a large hand over my mouth. At that point, I began to kick and fight. I would not let myself be violated like that, without putting up a fight. I tried to scratch him, but he pinned my hands above my head with his free hand.

He was saying something, but I was too frantic to listen. I started to fight, even more, wanted to get free. He moved between my thigh, and I started to cry. I put aside fighting and opt for begging.

“Open your eyes, Juliet. I not gonna hurt you, I promise.”

That voice, I knew that voice. I slowly opened my eyes, I didn’t even realise I had them closed. When my eyes focused on Clyde’s face, I felt confused, then hurt and betrayed. I started to panic all over again. He moved his hands away from my mouth and I started screaming again. I was shaking my head from side to side, begging.

“Please don’t do this Clyde. Please don’t do this to me.”

The sobs were coming fast and hard, rocking my body with the force. I looked up at Clyde and saw he look just as confused as I felt. He released my hands when he realised that he was still holding them. He moved off of me just as quickly. Too afraid to move, I stayed there clutching the covers to me.

“Did… Did I… Touch you? Did I do that to you, Juliet?”

He was looking at a spot on my thigh that was exposed. The shape of a hand, which had already turned an ugly blue, was branded on my skin. With shaky hand, I tucked the sheet over my exposed skin. He reached over to touch me.

“Juliet, I’m so sorry.” I jumped from the bed, dragging the covers with me, yelling.

“Don’t touch me! Don’t you dare touch me!”

I glared at him, but my eyes were drawn away by the dark red stain on the sheet. I gasped in horror, covering my mouth to stop the scream from escaping. Clyde looked down at the bed to see what I was looking at and cursed. I was shaking my head, walking backwards until my back came against a solid wall.

My body slid down the wall, and I started to sob, “Take it away! Take it away! Please just take it away.”

Clyde wasted no time dragging the white stained sheet from the bed, throwing it to the side. But the white mattress had the same stain as the sheet, where the blood seeped through.

I couldn’t take my eyes away from it. There was just so much blood. Visions started to flood my brain of another bed covered in blood. The screams, I just couldn’t stop the screams. Clyde threw something over the bed covering up the blood. I was almost grateful to him until I remember why it was that the bed was stained.

Clyde sat at the end of the bed, watching me. His eyes filled up with tears. He looked beaten and broken, not like the strong, confident Clyde I know. He wiped the tears away then ran his hand through his hair. Never taking his eyes off of me.

“Do you remember what happened?” He asked softly. I shook my head, sniffing.

“No, do you?” He nodded, “A little, but not how you got down here.”

I didn’t say anything to that. I shifted my eyes away from him. I couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. I didn’t want to see him look at me with pity or sorrow.

“What do you remember?” I asked after a long while. He let out a breath, shifting where he sat.

“I remember us doing the show and coming to the after-party at my house. I remember someone giving me a beer, then feeling out of it. I remember bumping into you, I think you were looking for someone. After that everything else is a blank. I’m sorry.”

The show was yesterday? I came to Clyde’s after-party? Why couldn’t I remember any of that? I have never been to a party before, why did I decide to go to one last night? I looked at Clyde.

“Was I… Was I drinking?” Clyde shook his head, “I don’t think so.” tears started flowing again.

“Why don’t I remember anything?” I asked no one in particular.

“I can only think of one reason,” he said, looking at me.

“We’ve been drugged.”

The way he said it was like Déjà vu. I tried to remember where or if I’ve heard those words before. However, every time I tried to remember, my head exploded with pain. I put my hands to my head and moaned.

“Are you ok, Juliet?” Clyde asked moving a bit closer to me, however not to close as to startle me.

I nodded, “It’s just… Every time I try to remember something, I get this horrible pain. It’s like I’m trying to break down a wall with my head.”

“That can sometimes happen. It’s your brains coping mechanism, it hides the stuff that you are unable to handle to protect you from further hurt. Give it time, it’ll eventually come back to you.”

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room. Both of us avoiding the question we both wanted to ask. I wanted to blame him. Oh, how I wanted to blame him. I wanted to scream and fight and break things. I needed someone to blame, I needed to know what I did to deserves being violated and degraded. I needed to stop feeling.

It was all my fault. Just like before, everything was my fault. Why was I even at Clyde’s stupid party? What was I doing in his room? Was I drinking? Did I seduce him, lead him on in any way? Why can’t I remember any of it? Was I being punished for what happened to Mary? Maybe I deserved what happened to me.

“Maybe I deserved this.”

I whispered, crying again. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged it. Burying my face into my knees, I started sobbing again. Clyde moved entirely off of the bed, coming to sit beside me. He laid a hand on my shoulder, making me flinch away from his touch. I didn’t mean to. I just felt so dirty.

He moved his hand away and spoke. “No you didn’t, don’t say that.” I looked up at him and yell angrily, “Yes I do! Yes, I do! It’s all my fault, it has always been my fault.”

Clyde looked confused, “How was any of this your fault, Juliet?” he asked. I started rocking back and forth.

“If I hadn’t asked her to stay at home, she would have still been alive. I was stupid and selfish and now she’s dead. They’re both dead and it’s all my fault.”

“What are you talking about, Juliet?” Clyde looked even more confused.

“My sister. Mary. She would have been alive if I had just let her go to that damn party. Instead, I had to be selfish. I hid her dress and when that didn’t work, I begged her to stay until she did.”

I grabbed tight on Clyde’s arm, sinking my fingers in. “You wanna know what happened?”

I didn’t wait for him to reply, I just continued, “Three guys broken into our house, while we were in her bedroom watching some stupid movie. We heard them going through the house, we know we couldn’t leave the room or we would get caught.”

I squeezed harder on Clyde, my heartbreaking all over again for what happened to my sister.

“We were so scared, I was crying and panicking. Their footsteps were getting closer and closer. Mary walked over to her closet, opened the doors and told me to get in. She looked me in the eyes and said. ‘No matter what you hear, or see do not come out or make a sound, do you hear me Jewels’ I nodded and climbed in. She looked at me and smiled then closed the doors.”

My sobs were coming so hard, I was finding it hard to breathe and talk. Sucking in big gulps of air to start breathing again, I continued.

“Not more than a minute after, her bedroom doors were kicked open. Three strong, well-built guys came in. Mary tried to run, but they caught her and threw her on the bed. She started kicking and screaming, but they didn’t care. They started ripping at her clothes, laughing. She begged and begged, but they slap her and punch her, telling her to shut up.”

I paused not wanting to remember what I saw. The wound in my heart just felt raw. It felt like someone was pouring hot lava into it. The pain was so unbearable, I wanted to curl up somewhere and die. I didn’t want to go back to that house, to that room. However, I knew I needed to tell someone. I couldn’t keep it locked away inside, eating me alive.

“I watched them beat and raped her one after the other, over and over and over. Then they just left her there, beaten, bloody and broken. And I never once left my spot in the closet. I don’t know long it was before my brother came home.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, remembering the absolute look of horror on Mark’s face. His heartbroken cries.

“He found her there, on her bed swimming in her own blood, unconscious. He went over to her and cover her up. He picked her up in his arms and rocked her back and forth crying. She was his twin, he said he felt she needed him that’s why he came home. I watched from my hiding place, too shock and scared to move. Mark laid Marry back down and ran from the room shouting my name. He finally found me in the closet. I was shaking with fear. He held me close and asked, ‘Jewels baby, did you see?’ I buried my head in his chest and nodded. He held me and cried. Soon after the Police and an ambulance came and they took us to the hospital.”

Clyde scooped me up into his lap and held me while I cry. I didn’t flinch that time, I welcome the warmth and comfort. I felt so numb and cold on the outside, yet I was burning up with guilt, shame and hatred on the inside.

“She killed herself. She couldn’t take the feeling of being violated, of being made to feel worthless, no better than a dog. And when she died, Mark went crazy, he had lost his twin. They had a connection so strong, it was like he died with her. He got drunk after the funeral, got in his car and crashed it. We don’t know if it was an accident or not.”

I started pounding my fist on Clyde’s chest, sobbing uncontrollably. My heartfelt so heavy. I wanted it all to stop, I didn’t want to feel the pain, the guilt, the disgust. I just wanted to stop feeling. I just wanted it all to go away. I wanted Mary back, I wanted Mark back, and I wanted my life back. I wanted to die with them.Exclusive content © by Nô(v)el/Dr/ama.Org.

“I killed them, Clyde. All because I was selfish.” He rocked me in his arms, trying to comfort me.

“Shh, shh. It’s not your fault. Those monsters who raped her are to blame, not you.” I pushed away from, but he held firm.

“It is my fault! How can you not blame me? I blame me, I blame me every day… It should have been me not her.”

I don’t know how long we stayed like that together. My cries were coming less and less. Clyde was still running his hand down my hair, in a calming manner. Here I was, sitting in the lap of the guy, who might or might not have forced himself on me. He claimed we were drugged, I didn’t know if I believed him, yet I couldn’t make myself move. I couldn’t remember anything, so maybe there’s some truth to his story.

Who would want to do this to me? What kind of a sick joke was this person playing, and why me? What did I do to hurt them that they’d hurt me like this? Did I even really wanna know? Clyde hand still, then he pushed my hair away from my neck. He touched a spot there and I hissed, making him curse.

“Jewels, you’ve got a needle on your neck.” I raised my hand to touch it. However, Clyde held it, stopping me, “Don’t touch it, it’s pretty bruised.”

He never let go of my hand. “I pretty sure now that you’ve been drugged. What I don’t understand is why anyone would do this?”

I sniffed, sitting up. “We should… Um, check to see if you’ve been drugged too.”

He nodded and turned his head to the side, exposing his neck. I rose a little to look at his neck and saw an angry red needle mark there. I let go of the breath I was holding, feeling relief to find the mark because if it wasn’t there, that would have meant… That Clyde…

“God, Juliet. I’m so sorry. I’m so…”

He trailed off. Then I felt his warm hand on my back, where the sheet had managed to slip away. I sat still under his scrutiny. I knew he was looking at the marks, which were made by his hands. I knew they were bad because I still felt the throbbing pain from them. I also knew that the rest of my body was no better. My breast felt tender and bruised, my… My thighs and my… Um, everything was tender, torn and bruised.

He pressed his hands flat on my back, holding me tight. Snuggling his face into my neck. I stiffen, from the intimacy of the contact. I felt uncomfortable, yet comfortable, I knew he wasn’t to blame for what happened, but I couldn’t help feeling that I was violated by his hands.

“I’m so sorry Juliet, I would never intentionally hurt you. You know that right?” he pleaded with me to believe him. I nodded my head, once I felt the wetness of his tears on my skin.

Deep down I think I knew that Clyde wouldn’t hurt me. I started to relax into him. He felt so warm and safe. I never wanted to leave, I never wanted to give up my safe place.

“I need to call my sister, she must be worried about me.”

I spoke, not moving from his lap. He secured the sheet around me, lifting me off the floor with him. He made to deliver me to the bed, however, changed his mind and deposit me on the sofa.

He walked off to grabbed his phone that was sitting on the table, that’s when I notice that he’d put on some jeans. He came back and handed me the phone. I accepted it and made my call, all the while watching him, sitting in the chair across from me.

After the first 3 rings, Jenny answered. “Hello.” She sounded so full of life, the total opposite to what I was feeling. I spoke, trying not to let my feelings be heard.

“Hey Jen, it’s me Jewels.” I heard rustling about, then. “Jewels, where the heck are you? You didn’t come home last night.”

I covered my mouth to stop the sob that was threatening to escape. I took a deep breath then replied.

“Yeah, I know sorry about that. I kinda fell asleep at a friend’s house. I’ll be home in a bit.”

Jenny was squealing on the phone. “OMG! This is big. San told me she saw you go off with hot lips Clyde, but I was like, Nah, not my big sis. Juliet would die before she actually has a life. So…” She trailed off, then the squealing started again.

“Ok, I need details. Was he any good? I did a little digging and found out from a few girls, ok maybe not a few, more like every darn girl at his party. I mean the guy has to be dynamite if so many girls praised his lovemaking skills.”

I gasped. “Jenny!” Casting a look at Clyde. He looked like he was trying not to laugh. My face became beetroot red. He heard what my little sister had said.

Jenny was still talking, I missed what she said earlier, but I figured it wasn’t anything important. “… for your first. I mean he’s hot and all, but this is your virginity we talking about.”

I gawked, mouth opened staring at the phone like it just told me the secret to eternal youth. Jenny was still talking.

“Jewels, did you hear me? Come on Jewels. Ok, I wouldn’t be mad if you slept with him. It’s just that I always thought you’d die a virgin. You know, with you being afraid of sex and men and all that jazz.”

“Jenny! Shut up. I am not discussing this with you, ever.”

Her sulking was so loud, I could hear it through the phone. “Oh come on, why not?”

I grunted out annoyed. “Because… just because. Look I just wanted you to know that I’m ok and that I’ll be home in a couple of hours, ok?”

She grunted as well. “Fine. But you’re gonna be home by yourself. Mom left for her month-long brain convention in New York, this morning. I’m gonna stay by Margret’s until she gets back. She said it’s up to you if you wanna stay home or by one of your friends.”

I totally forget about my mom’s convention. I was planning on staying with Sanity, but with everything that has happened I didn’t feel like the company, yet I didn’t feel like being alone. I told Jenny to have a nice time at Margret’s and to call me every day, then we said our goodbyes and hung up.

I sat there wondering what to do. If I stayed by Sanity, it wouldn’t be long before she figures out something’s wrong and started hounding me with questions. And as much as I love her crazy ass, I didn’t feel like answering any questions, I didn’t feel like talking period. Dillon also was out of the question. I just didn’t want him getting the wrong idea. So really and truly I was screwed.

“You can stay here if you want. This house is big enough for both of us.”

What the heck. Did he overhear my entire conversation? And can he read minds? I gave Clyde a look that portrays my feelings. He flicks his hair out of his face, then with a sheepish look said.

“I kinda overheard your conversation and you didn’t look like you wanted to crash by any of your friends, so hence the offer to stay.”

Did I want to say with Clyde? I was still mad and angry with everything that happened. I knew I could trust him, but did I want to be around him, having a constant reminder way to close for comfort. I wanted to figure out what had happened to me the night before and who would have done such a thing. But for me to do that I would need Clyde’s help.

So, I guess that means I’m staying.

I shift uncomfortably in my seat, the cover from the bed still wrapped around me. I felt hot and sticky. I need to wash away everything. Clyde was looking at me, waiting patiently for an answer.

“I wanna find out what happened last night. I need to… I need to… I just need to know, why me?” my voice quiver as I spoke and I felt a sharp pain in my heart.

Clyde nodded. He got up and moved closer to me. He didn’t sit on the sofa but knelt in front of me. Nodding towards my hands, silently asking for permission. I nodded once, letting him know that it was ok. He took my small cold, shaking hands into his large warm ones and squeeze once.

The look in his eyes spoke volume. It was soft and caring, yet strong and determine. Without breaking eye contact, he spoke, his voice taking on a fierce tone.

“I promise you, we will find out what happened and who did it, and when we do, I’m gonna make them pay for ever hurting you. When I’m done with them, they will regret the day they ever thought to mess with you.”

I nodded, tears flowing afresh. Clyde brought one of his hands up, wiping away my tears with the pad of his thumb. He stood in an instance, lifting me in his arms. I bristle at first then relax into him, looping my hands around his neck and resting my head in the crook of his neck. I closed my eyes feeling safe. I always feel safe when I’m around him.

My eyes open when he deposited me on a bed. At first, I started to panic, grabbing at Clyde, saying “No, no no no.” I didn’t want to be back on that bed, with all that blood. My shoulder slumped in relief when I saw that it was a different room. I gave Clyde a look of thanks and he smiled and nodded.

He cleared his throat. “Why don’t you go have a shower, I’ll go get you something of my sister’s to wear. The bathroom’s got a lock, so you should be safe in there until I come back from the main house.”

I nodded. He stood there for a few seconds longer, then turned and left. I sat on the bed observing the room. It was painted in a pearl colour, along with the ceiling and the doors. Sunlight streams in through a large bay window, overlooking the Japanese style garden. A window seat lay under the window, begging to be sit on if only to watch the birds play in the morning sun.

I edged off the bed, my feet coming into contact with the soft, gentle fur of a pearl rug. The room was very simple compared to the one I woke up in. A bed sat in the middle of two bedside tables, two doors right in front of the bed, one the closet and the other the bathroom.

I dropped my sheet, not caring. Padding naked over to the bathroom, I opened the door and turned on the shower with such urgency. I didn’t wait for the water to get hot, I climbed in and started scrubbing. Tears mix with water, I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. It didn’t matter how hard I scrubbed, I just didn’t feel clean.

I don’t know how long I stayed there, scrubbing until my skin was almost gone, I felt no pain from the blisters. Strong arms came around me and I started crying and screaming, water wetting us both. I felt like I was dying inside. The pressure build inside of me, increasing rapidly, barbs of pain shooting through my entire body. My world coming in and out of focus, and my breathing became very hard.

The agony I was feeling was unbearable, my heart was threatening to explode. The torture was just too much.

“Shh, it’s me, it’s only me. You’re ok, you’re ok now.” Clyde reassurance did little to calm me down. I cried and cried until my body gave out and I could no longer support my own weight. Clyde caught me, holding me as I shook with the force of my tears.

When I could cry no more, Clyde lifted me out of the shower. I was in a daze, unsure and uncaring as to what was going on around me. It was like my brain gave up and went into shutdown mode. Clyde was drying my skin with a white terry towel, then my hair. He left me there and went to a drawer to retrieve a black-Tee. He pulled it over my head and put my hands through it and I still didn’t care that I was naked. I was too tired to care about anything at that point.

He lifted me and placed me on the bed, pulling the covers over me and then turned to leave. I grabbed his white shirt and pleaded with my eyes for him to stay. Understanding my unspoken request, he removed his shirt and crawled under the covers with me. He pulled me close, and I sighed, sinking into him. Closing my eyes, I fell asleep. In my dream state, I thought I heard Clyde saying, “I love you, Juliet.” Maybe I’ll wake up to find that the morning after was all a dreadful dream.