SILENT DESIRES

The sick knot in his stomach grew and his chest tightened so much he couldn’t breathe.

“You wouldn’t listen,” she said tearfully. “You wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say. You’d already made your mind up.”

He swallowed and closed the distance between them, worried that she’d fall if he didn’t make her sit.

But she shook him off and turned her back, her shoulders heaving as her quiet sobs fell over the room.

“I’m listening now, Savvie” he forced out. “Tell me what happened. I’ll believe you. I swear.”

But he knew. He already knew. So much of that day was replaying over and over in his head and suddenly he was able to see so clearly what he’d refused to see before. And it was killing him. His brother had lied to him after all. Not just lied but he’d carefully orchestrated the truth and twisted it so cleverly that Matt had been completely deceived.

Then she turned, her beautiful eyes haunted, defeated. “It doesn’t matter if you believe me anymore,” she whispered. “You wouldn’t believe me when it mattered. He tried to rape me. He assaulted me. He touched me. He hurt me. And when I fought him off and told him that I would tell you what he’d done, he told me he’d make sure you never believed a word of any of it. And you know what the funny thing is? I told him he was wrong. I told him that you l-loved me and that you would make him pay for hurting me.” She said,

She broke off as another sob racked her.

Oh God. Oh God. What had he done? He remembered the phone call from his brother as though it was yesterday. He hadn’t believed him. At first. Not until Savannah had arrived in an agitated state telling him the exact same story that Enzo had just told him over the phone.

“He told you the truth,” Savannah said scornfully as if she’d plucked the thoughts right out of his head. “He told you exactly what happened, only he said that it was all a lie, that I made it up because I didn’t want you to know what really supposedly happened. He wanted to make sure that when I ran to you and told you what happened that you wouldn’t believe a word. And how better to do that than to tell you that I would claim to be attacked, that I’d claim he tried to rape me.”

Matt stared at her in horror as the realization of what had really happened that day hit him.

“And sure enough. I run straight to you and tell you that your precious brother just tried to rape me and you look at me with those cold eyes and call me a liar. All because he told you that’s what I’d say.”

“Did he?” Matt asked in a near whisper. “Did he rape you, Savannah?”

“He…. He touched me. He touched me in a way that only you were allowed to touch me. He hit me. He bruised me. Isn’t that enough?” she asked in a hysterical voice. “We never had sex though God knows he tried.”

She broke off again and buried her face in her hands. He wanted to go to her, take her in his arms, but he was afraid that just as he’d rejected her before, so would she reject him now.

She yanked her hands down, her face ragged and ravaged by grief, the same grief that was tearing through him.

“I should have been able to come to you, Matt,” she whispered. “Of all the people in the world, you should have been the one to believe in me. And I just can’t get past that. You should have been the one to hold me and tell me it would be all right.”

She broke off again, sobs tearing from her throat. She buried her face in her hands as her shoulders shook violently.

“Savvie, I’m so sorry. I thought… He was my brother. I never considered he would do something like that. He’d never shown any animosity toward you. He’d never been anything but accepting of you. The two of you seemed to get along well. I never dreamed he’d do something that despicable.” Matt said.

She raised her head and stared at him with dull eyes. “But you thought I would.”

The sudden silence was damning. He stared at her, completely frozen. He had no defense because at the time he’d believed Enzo. He’d made his choice and it hadn’t been Savannah. Even when she’d begged him. She’d told him the truth. She’d come to him for protection. She’d come to him hurt and afraid. And he’d thrown her out after making her feel like a whore. All because he couldn’t imagine his own flesh and blood committing such an atrocity. It had appeared to him that it was everything Enzo said it was, a ridiculous accusation to hide the sin of her infidelity.

His eyes burned. His throat swelled and knotted. For the first time in his life he was faced with a situation where he had no idea what to do. She had every right to hate him.

She put a hand to her head and rubbed. She swayed and then bent over as if she was about to fall.

“Savvie!”

He went forward, but she jerked upright again and thrust out a hand to ward him off.

“Just stay away,” she said in a low, desperate voice.

“Savannah, please.”

It was his turn to beg. And God, he would. He’d do anything to make her stay long enough that he could make it up to her.

“I love you. I never stopped loving you.” he said desperately.

She lifted her gaze again, her eyes drenched with tears-and pain. “Love isn’t supposed to hurt this much. Love isn’t this. Love is trust.”

He moved forward again, so desperate to hold her, to offer the comfort he had denied her when she’d needed him most. Anger and sorrow vied for control. Grief welled in his chest until he thought he might explode. Rage surged through his veins like acid.

She put her hand to her head again and started to walk past him. He caught at her elbow, anything to stop her, because he knew in his heart she was going to walk away. He didn’t deserve a second chance. He didn’t deserve for her to stay. He didn’t deserve her love. But he wanted it. He wanted it more than he wanted to live.

“Please don’t go,” he said softly.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.