SILENT DESIRES

The room went absolutely silent at his declaration.

The expressions ranged from his mother’s ill-disguised horror to outright disbelief on his friends’ faces.

Even Emily looked skeptical as she rose to extend her hand to Savannah. It was then that Savannah noticed that Emily was pregnant.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Emily said with what looked to be a forced smile. Hell, how much could Emily possibly know about Savannah anyway? It wasn’t as if she’d been around for that long. But she, like the others, didn’t appear to roll out the welcome mat.

But Tess. She seemed different, and genuinely happy to meet her. And Savannah wasn’t sure if the smile was from her heart, but she was glad that at least some one was nice enough to pretend to be happy to see her.

Savannah offered a nervous smile and allowed Matt to seat her. This was going to be a long night..

“How are you, Savannah?” Dash asked politely.

He was seated next to her and she supposed common courtesy dictated his question.

“I’m good,” she replied in a low voice. “Nervous.”

He seemed surprised by her honesty. Matt conversed with his friends and his mother.

Savannah sat quietly beside him and watched the goings-on around her. No one tried to include her in conversation except Tess, and one time Emily. Tess seemed to understand the way she felt. She was the only one who didn’t seem to have this judgmental look on her face.

The one time she offered a comment to join in the conversation, the awkward silence that ensued told her all she needed to know.

They were tolerating her for Matt’s sake, but she didn’t miss the looks they cast in his direction when they thought she wasn’t watching. Looks that plainly said, Are you crazy?

By the time the food was served, she was extremely grateful to have something to focus on.

She felt out of place. She felt conspicuous. This was going down as one of the worst nights of her life and she was counting the minutes until she and Matt could make their escape.

The food felt dry in her mouth. Her stomach churned and after only a few bites, she gave up trying to force herself to eat. Instead, she sipped at her water and pretended she was back on the island with Matt, about to dance underneath the moonlight.

That was her problem. She was living in a fantasy world, avoiding reality. And reality sucked. Her reality was sitting here at a dinner table while other people judged her. Her reality was living with a man -a man she intended to marry-who felt he needed to forgive her for sins she hadn’t committed.

At what point in her life had she decided she didn’t deserve better than this? It was a startling discovery. The blinders had come off. Why the hell was she putting up with this?

She was prepared to end the entire thing when she looked up and saw Enzo walk to the table. He leaned over and kissed his mom then held up a hand in greeting to the others before turning his gaze on her and Matt.

She broke into a cold sweat. Matt stiffened beside her and the others fell silent. It was as if everyone in the room waited for the inevitable fireworks. Her head pounded viciously.

Her stomach cramped and she wanted to die from the humiliation. More than that, she was so furious she couldn’t see straight.

“Sorry, I’m late,” Enzo said. “I got caught in traffic.”

As he took the empty chair beside his mother, bile rose in Savannah’s throat. Her heart was shredded. She was bleeding on the inside, so hurt, so devastated she wanted to die. She refused to look at Matt.

How could he have done it? She didn’t believe for a moment that Matt had actually invited his brother… had he? But why hadn’t he made it clear that he wasn’t welcome?

Everyone stared at her. They likely thought she deserved whatever humiliation was heaped upon her tonight. But she refused to look back at them. She wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing her so shattered.

Instead her gaze locked onto Lorenzo Bradford and his mother.

How they must hate her. The coldness in Elizabeth Bradford’s eyes reached out to Savannah. They said, You’ll never win. I’ll never let you.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

What had she ever done besides love Matt?

Enough was enough. Savannah deserved better.

She was through paying penance.

She was done with being looked down on, condemned and forgiven.

Forcing a smile in Matt’s direction, she pushed back her chair and slowly rose as if she hadn’t a care in the world. She stared across the table at Enzo and his mother and let the full force of her hatred shine. She didn’t care if they ever accepted her. She didn’t accept them. They could both go to hell. She’d buy them a first-class ticket.

Then she turned to face the entire table. “I’m done here. You’ve all sat and stared your disapproval. You’ve sent pitying glances Matt’s way. You’ve judged me and found me not good enough. To hell with all of you.” She said,

Then she turned back to Enzo, her voice coming out in a low hiss. “You son of a bitch. You stay away from me. I’ll see you in hell before I ever let you near me again.”

Matt started to rise, but she shoved him back into his seat. “By all means, you stay. You wouldn’t want to disappoint your family and friends.” She said, her voice heavy with hurt.

Before he could react, she stalked away.

She bypassed the doorway leading to the bathrooms and kept on walking. She burst into the cold, shivering because she hadn’t bothered to collect her coat. She embraced the chill, welcomed the cold slap in the face.

Her head had ached all afternoon, but after spending the past hour with her teeth gritted and her jaw tight, the headache had exploded into vicious pain.

She walked a block before the cold penetrated the thin layers of her dress. She stopped and waved at a passing cab but it didn’t stop. It took two more attempts before she managed to get one to pull over for her.

She was barely able to get out Matt’s address before the tears started to fall.