SILENT DESIRES

He held it out to her and she lifted her gaze to stare at him as if he’d lost his mind.

“I couldn’t decide whether or not to give you back your old one or buy you a new one. I kept the old ring. I kept it with me the entire time you were gone. But I bought a new one for a new beginning.” Matt said.

Her hand trembled in his and she stared speechlessly at him.

He ruefully shook his head. “I know it’s not the most romantic proposal. It’s not even under the best circumstances. I’d intended to wait. Until it was the right time. Until we’d sorted out things between us. But I couldn’t wait any longer. And when my friends and family see you again, I want them to know that we’re together, that you’re the woman I’m going to marry and that you have my support.”

Tears filled her eyes and her chest ached with emotion. He made no move to take the ring out of the box and put it on her finger for her. He simply held it in the palm of his hand, waiting for her to make the decision.

“But Matt,” she began helplessly. “There’s so much… The past…”

“Shh,” he murmured. “I know what you’re saying. We have a lot to talk about. We have a lot to work out. But I wanted to do this first so that you know that no matter what comes out when we eventually revisit the past that I still want to marry you. I need you to know that. Maybe it’ll help. Maybe it’ll make it easier knowing that it won’t change things between us now.”

She wiped furiously at the moisture on her cheeks, determined not to ruin the moment by breaking down. “In that case, yes. I’ll marry you.” She said,

He looked thunderstruck, like maybe he really hadn’t expected her to agree. And then he smiled and such joy flashed across his face that it left her breathless. His eyes lit up and his grip on her hand tightened until her fingertips were bloodless.

He fumbled with the box, took the ring out. The hand he held hers with shook as he positioned her finger so he could slide the ring on.

Then he leaned across the table and kissed her.

When he pulled away, he still held her hand and he suddenly stood, pulling her to her feet.

“Let’s go,” he said hoarsely. “Let’s go home where we can be alone. I just want to hold you away from everyone else.”

She went willingly into his arms and they walked past the other diners, uncaring of the stares they received. She never felt the cold, brisk air as they exited the restaurant and walked to the curb where Matt’s car waited.

For once she felt warm on the inside. After feeling cold and alone for so long, sunshine rushed through her veins.

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Savannah woke to find Matt gone from bed. She rolled to check the clock on the nightstand and realized why she was alone. Matt had gone to the office early as he had a meeting, even if it was Saturday. He had gotten her a job in his company as he had said, but Savannah had insisted that he let her work in another department.

She had a job now as an administrative assistant and she was grateful for it. It was much better than her job at the diner. Even Victoria was almost okay with the idea of her and Matt being back together though she still insisted that Savannah be careful.

When they’d returned, Savannah had moved into Matt’s room. It wasn’t as though a big production had been made. He’d simply carried her luggage into his room. And when it was time for bed, he’d carried her to his bed.

And she’d stayed.

How easily they’d fallen back into a comfortable routine. Just like before.

Before, it had been easy to take for granted the rapport between them. The comfort and trust. She hadn’t known then as she knew now how quickly things could be broken.

Even now she questioned how it could have happened. There was always an excuse, a reason. He hadn’t loved her enough. He hadn’t trusted her. Their relationship was too new to weather something so difficult.

But no matter the reason, the end result had been the same. When things had gotten difficult, their relationship had crumbled like stale bread.

It didn’t speak well for their future. But she wouldn’t think of that right now. Sure, it was stupid of her to allow herself to have such faith in him. But hope was a powerful thing. It made a person willingly blind to the truth.

She kept telling herself maybe this time… Maybe this time they would truly get things right.

Even if it meant forever bearing the burden of having the man she loved think she’d betrayed him with another man. His brother.

So many times she wanted to confront him. She wanted to try again to make him listen to her. Make him hear the truth. But each time she bit her lip because what purpose would it serve?

He might not believe her. He might. But would it change anything in the past? Would it change their future?

It wouldn’t even make her feel any better because she knew the truth. Matt believed she’d lied to him but he wanted to forget and move on. Was she an idiot to want more than that? Was she stupid to want him to know how wrong he’d been?

It was a dilemma that plagued her every single day that she and Matt were back together. Part of her wanted to make him listen and to demand that he accept that he’d been wrong if he expected her to give this whole thing another shot.

Another part of her told her that her pride and her anger were barriers to her own happiness.

Wasn’t a life with Matt what she ultimately wanted? Did it matter how she achieved that goal? She stared up at the ceiling as she lay in bed.

Yeah, it did. It really did. She couldn’t go through their life together knowing it was in the back of Matt’s mind that she’d slept with someone else when she’d promised to be faithful to him.

She had to accept that what she really feared was that when she did confront Matt, he’d reject her all over again, and if that happened, she knew she couldn’t spend her life with someone who didn’t trust her.