SILENT DESIRES

His voice was thick with regret and it trembled with emotion as he stroked his hand over her hair.

“You have to know that Leila was here for the sole reason of causing trouble between us,” he said.

She went still against him, knowing that what she was about to say would probably only piss him off more, but she was through pulling her punches.

“Are you ready to admit that your mother hates me and would do anything to get rid of me? If you didn’t talk to Leila about us, then who the hell do you think did?” she asked.

“I know,” he said quietly. “It won’t work, though. As soon as we return home, I’ll put an end to this. I promise. She won’t be allowed to hurt you like this.”

She sagged against him. She wanted so desperately to believe him this time. His eyes were slowly being opened. Did this mean he would eventually accept her version of what happened a year ago?

He pressed his lips to the top of her head and whispered softly. “Stay with me, Savvie. We have so much to work out. God knows we’ve been through a lot together. But in order to do that I need you here with me. Not away in some godforsaken hellhole where I can’t take care of you or work things out with you.”

He pulled her carefully away and wiped at the trails of wetness on her cheeks with his thumbs. His gaze was haunted, intense and dark with emotion.

Honest to God, he looked like he was hurting every bit as much as she was. It had been on the tip of her tongue to tell him that it could never work out between them, but this time she didn’t. It was pointless to argue with him, and besides, she wanted him too.

He too was obviously expecting her to argue with him again because when she remained silent his eyes lit with hope.

“Give us a chance, Savannah. Let me take care of you. Whatever is wrong between us, we can fix it.” he said.

“I wish I had your optimism,” she murmured. How to explain that their problems were insurmountable in the face of his lack of trust in her?

He lowered his lips to hers, kissing her so lovingly that she felt a resurgence of tears. She broke away and then laid her cheek against his chest. It felt so good to be back in his arms, for just a moment to let go of all the pain and resentment.

He put a hand to her hair, his touch tentative.

“Savvie, we have to settle this matter between us.” he said

She closed her eyes, feeling dread settle in the pit of her stomach. “How exactly do you want us to do that? Would you even believe anything I say?”

He went still against her, nodded and then he let all his breath out. He cupped his hand to the side of her face and held her against his chest.

“Was there anyone else, apart from my brother?” he asked.

That wasn’t the question she had been expecting. Slowly she pushed against his chest until she was eye level with him. How it hurt that he said he was willing to believe her now about this, but he hadn’t been willing to believe her then when it came to his brother…. He still wasn’t obviously. And there was no point in saying anything because he believed his brother’s word completely, even till now.

“No, there wasn’t,” she said in a quiet voice.

Satisfaction was a savage light in his eyes. He framed her face tightly in his hands and then lowered his mouth to take hers in a possessive, fierce sweep.

Her lips were swollen when she managed to tear her mouth away. Her pulse raced and they stared at each other in silence. She was afraid to believe in him. So afraid she was nearly paralyzed with it.

“Do you believe me? I have to know, Matt. We can’t go forward unless you believe me.”

“I believe you.” he replied, still cupping her face.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

She bit her lip to keep from asking him if he’d believe her about everything else. She knew he didn’t, he hadn’t. And maybe it was too late. Wasn’t it?

“Savvie?” His soft entreaty broke through her musings. He stroked her cheek with the tip of one finger. “I believe you. Okay? I won’t believe you slept with anyone else. It was just that one time with Enzo, wasn’t it?”

The soft plea froze her to the bone. Hurt crashed through her heart-a heart she thought was already irreparably shattered. She was wrong. She hadn’t thought there was anything Matt could do to hurt her further. She’d been wrong about that too.

“Why does that make you cry?” he asked.

Matt wiped at the tear that trailed down her cheek, his expression one of complete bewilderment. Then he leaned in and kissed the moisture away.

She braced her hands on his arms, her mind a chaotic twist of anger and wretched grief. It took every bit of her strength to gather her shattered composure and speak to him when what she wanted to do was flee.

“If this has any hope of working, you’ll never breathe his name to me again. You were the one who wanted this. I will stay. No past. Forget the past. It’s what you said. I’m holding you to it. You bring him up ever again, and I walk-no, I run. Are we clear?” she asked.

He looked shocked by her vehemence. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to push further, but she shook her head and started to slide from his lap.

He made a grab for her, pulling her close to him again. “All right. All right. No past. I won’t bring it up again. I promise. Will you stay, Savvie? Will you work things out with me?”

She closed her eyes again and the fight left her. Her head dropped down and exhaustion crept in, gripping the back of her neck, squeezing until her entire head ached vilely.

His fingers slid around her neck, rubbing and caressing with gentle pressure. Had she been that obvious?

“I still care about you, Savvie.” he said softly.