SILENT DESIRES

Suddenly she couldn’t wait to tell him. He was bound to be happy. He wanted children. She knew he did. This finally would stop him from acting like she only existed in the bedroom. A man could not dismiss the mother of his child so easily. Especially a man like Dash.

She instructed the driver to take her to Dash’s office building.

When she got there, she took the elevator to the top floor without stopping at reception. She barely waited for his secretary to buzz through and tell Dash she was there.

When Tess walked into his office, he stood up and came around to the front of his desk. “This is a surprise,” he said.

She nodded. She hadn’t even ever called him at work. Showing up out of the blue was bound to shock him. “I had something I wanted to tell you.” Tess said.

“And it could not wait until I returned to the villa?” he asked with one sardonic brow raised.

“We don’t talk when you’re home,” she said with a tinge of the pained frustration that caused her.

He didn’t reply but led her to a chair by the huge plate-glass windows overlooking New York’s wealthy business section.

He took the chair closest to her own. “Would you like something to eat or drink?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I want to talk.”

He looked at his watch. “I have a meeting in ten minutes. Perhaps this can wait.”

“No.” She said.

His expression was not encouraging. “Make it short.”

Darn it. This should be special, but he made it impossible, or was that her timing? Maybe she should have waited to tell him at home, but she was here. She might as well finish it. For a second, the words simply would not come.

He moved impatiently and looked pointedly at his watch again.

“I’m pregnant.” She said,

He went completely still, the sculpted angles of his face moving into emotionless rigidity. “You are sure of this?” he asked.

“I went to see the doctor today.”

“And he confirmed your suspicions?”

Dash asked.

“Yes.” Why wasn’t he reacting? He was acting like they were discussing the details of a rather boring business deal.

“I am surprised you didn’t do something to prevent conception so early.” His black eyes mocked her in a way she did not understand. “I had the distinct impression you were enjoying our physical intimacy.”

Did he think they couldn’t make love now that she was pregnant? “The doctor said there would be no risk to the baby during normal intimacy.” She said.

“You asked. This surprises me. You are still shy about some things.”

She blushed under his mocking scrutiny. “He offered the information.”

He nodded. “That is a more believable scenario.”

She waited for him to say something about how he felt knowing she was carrying his child, but he stood and looked at his watch again. “If that’s all?”

She stood too. “Yes, but…”

“But what?” he asked.

“Are you glad about the baby?” she blurted out.

“You must know that I have every reason to be pleased that you have conceived so quickly.”

Was this the man who had made love to her with such gentleness the night before that she had cried?Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“I could do with you saying it.” She could do with a lot more, but she would settle for that.

He smiled derisively. “I am happy about the baby. Are you now satisfied? May I return to my business?” he asked.

He had managed to say the words she most wanted to hear in a way that caused pain rather than pleasure. Tears burned the back of her eyes as pain radiated from her heart outward. Why her? What had she done to earn this kind of constant rejection from the people that were supposed to care about her?

She jumped to her feet and spun toward the door, not bothering to answer his hurtful question. Obviously his upcoming appointment was much more important to him than his wife or the knowledge he would be a father.

She stumbled toward the door, her vision blurred by tears spilling down her cheeks.

“Tess!” she heard him call.

She ignored him and made top speed for the elevator outside his office suite.

Following a pattern set in early childhood, she wanted only to find someplace to be alone where it would be safe for her to grieve in private. That precluded going back to the villa.

She couldn’t even stand the thought of getting in the limousine and exposing her pain to the chauffeur. She hated the fact that Dash’s secretary had no doubt seen the tears.

She used her phone to call and dismiss the driver, telling him she would find her own way home.

———————–

Anger warred with pain in Dash. He wanted to go after Tess, to hold her and tell her he was thrilled about the baby. The thought of her pregnant with his child was sweet when it should be sour. He wanted to wipe the look of misery off her face and he despised himself for his weakness.

She had lied to him. But what was the lie and what was the truth? She had looked so lost, so vulnerable when she told him about the baby and he had forced himself to contain his response.

The woman who had colluded with her father to trap herself a husband was not vulnerable.

But Tess had been vulnerable. And she had been hurting. Was it possible he had misunderstood what he had heard on the phone weeks ago? His brain rejected the thought as the words replayed themselves in his mind. Yet, he could not reconcile those words with the woman who gave herself so completely when they made love.

She was too generous in her passion to be such a heartless schemer. And yet, what other explanation was there? Neal Patchett had blackmailed him and Tess had known about it.

She had said she loved him.

The reminder caused more disquiet in the region of his heart. She hadn’t repeated the words since he returned from his business trip, but he could not forget the sweetness of them on her lips when their bodies were intimately joined.

He wanted to hear her say it again, which enraged him. What was the love of a deceitful woman worth?

Nothing.

Only if that were true, then why did the lack of those words weigh on him in the dark of the night? She slept in his arms, but felt separated from him in a way he could not define?

He was not used to feeling like this. He did not like it. He did not like the confusion, or the need she engendered in him. He did not like the way he doubted the wisdom of including Tess in his revenge, his weak desire that she not find out what he had done to hurt her. He did not like the feeling that his actions had been stupid rather than decisive.

A short buzz alerted him that his next appointment had arrived. Business was much more comfortable than wallowing in conflicting and destructive emotions, so he forced himself to focus on it.