Chapter 94
Two years. It’s been two years since she lost her supposed third child. She thought things would already be better for her and Callum. Shane was no longer In the picture. They were already married.
Everything was supposed to be perfect but she suffered a miscarriage. The doctor said what happened was not related to her previous miscarriage but every time she thinks about losing two of her children, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of longing.
After her miscarriage, Callum did everything to make her feel better. And she had shown everyone that she was fine.
But maybe she couldn’t fool herself. Everything from her past seems to be haunting her. It only took two years for Ciara to start getting her nightmares, nightmares that only she knew. The scars carved by her experiences were haunting her, making it hard for her to breathe.
“Are you sure you are okay? You haven’t been looking so well lately, baby. I can accompany you today at the hospital,” Callum asked worriedly as he watched Ciara tie his necktie while he was getting ready to go to the office.
He had been noticing how Ciara seemed to be out of focus lately and looking so pale. He wanted to bring her to the hospital, but he knew better than to force his wife into anything. Also, he knew that Ciara was not sick. But then again, he couldn’t help but worry. Something kept bothering him but he couldn’t dare to ask.
Ciara forced a smile and smoothened his dress shirt after she was done fixing his tie. She didn’t want him to worry.
“I am okay. I guess the weather doesn’t suit me lately, but you don’t have to worry. I will just sleep this off later,” she assured him.
The truth was, something about what Serra asked her a few months ago started triggering whatever she was experiencing right now.
“Are you sure the two of you don’t want to try having another child? Cara is over ten years old. Now is the best time for her to have a sibling,” Serra teased as they were in the living room.
Ciara knew that it was an honest question and that her sister didn’t have any bad intentions. However, the moment her mind drifted to that thought, so many possibilities started going crazy in her mind. And at the same time, the thought of already losing two children triggered her.
Suddenly, her breathing became ragged as she was having trouble breathing. Her vision started getting blurry and Serra’s eyes immediately widened as she realized what happened. She immediately tried to reach Ciara and held her hand, “That’s not what I mean. F**k, I’m sorry.”
Serra guided her to calm down and gave her a glass of water. Ciara tried to pull herself together as she gave a reassuring smile to Serra.
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She took a deep breath, “I am okay. Please don’t tell anyone about this,”
Serra seemed a bit hesitant but she knew better.
It’s been years, and Ciara thought she was holding up well, but she didn’t realize the pain was still there. The pain of losing not one but two children started haunting her again, like everything just happened yesterday. Or maybe time will never heal her pain because it’s not a pain that could be healed. Losing a child is like losing a part of her.
C’mon, Ciara. Pull yourself together! It’s been years. You were already fine! Callum and you are already together! Spiraling at a time like this will not do you any good!
And starting from that day, she started having dreams of her children growing up. And she would wake up late at night, crying and realizing that would never happen. That she wouldn’t be able to see them grow because they were already dead.
And maybe the stress building within her was the reason why she was not having her period regularly. At first, she thought she might be pregnant. But then she realized that her period started being off-schedule from the moment she started having these nightmares. It’s like her system was unconsciously failing her.
She’s scared.
“Baby…” Callum whispered, pulling her back to her senses. His eyes were filled with worry, but he knew Ciara just
wanted time for herself.
He pulled her closer, their lips touching, and Ciara automatically wrapped her arms around his waist, returning his kisses with the same passion. A soft moan escaped her lips as their kiss deepened. Callum’s hands moved to her waist, pulling her even closer as if he could shield her from all the pain and whatever it was that was bothering her.
“I love you,” he whispered against her lips, his breath warm and comforting. It tingles a different kind of emotion between them and Ciara suddenly felt better. As always, Callum could easily make her feel different kinds of
emotions.
“I love you too,” she replied, her voice breaking slightly. She buried her face in his chest, inhaling his scent. She was starting to feel hungry for him but she knew Callum had a very important meeting today. If she indulges Callum even more, for sure Callum will stay and f**k her instead of attending that important meeting.
Callum gently lifted her chin, making her look into his eyes. “You can call me anytime at the office. You know that, right? Wait. Scratch that. You can just visit me or we can have our lunch outside. What do you say?”
Soft chuckles escaped her lips but she nodded nonetheless. She was feeling a bit overwhelmed and was afraid she would start to feel emotional but she blinked them away, not wanting to break down in front of him. “I am glad we’re together again. You, me and Cara. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’ll never have to find out,” he promised, kissing her forehead. “But right now, I need to go to work. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Promise me you’ll take it easy today?”
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“I will,” she said, trying to smile. “Go, or you’ll be late.”
Callum gave her one last lingering kiss before grabbing his briefcase. “I’ll call you later. Please, Ciara. If you need anything, just call me, okay?”
“Stop stalling and just go, baby,” she laughed at his antics. Callum chuckled but soon left as well.
As soon as the door closed behind him, she felt the weight of her loneliness settles over her again. She sat down on the couch, staring at nothing, her mind replaying the same painful memories over and over.
She thought about calling Serra, but she didn’t want to burden her older sister with her thoughts right now. Instead, she decided to try and distract herself. She picked up a book, but the words blurred together, and she couldn’t focus. She tried watching TV, but nothing held her interest.
Eventually, she found herself lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, her thoughts drifting back to her dreams.
She imagined what life would have been like if her children had lived. Would they have had Callum’s eyes or her smile? Would they have been a good student, or maybe she would be like Cara?
I bet Cara would be so happy to take care of her siblings. They will watch Disney movies. Her siblings could be princesses like her. Or maybe, a prince.
She felt tears rolling down her cheeks and didn’t bother wiping them away. She was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, but sleep wouldn’t come. Sometimes, she was afraid Callum would notice her crying at night.
Giving up, she decided to just go out of their room. Cara was at school already so she was alone except for the maids. She started a different venture and had her own business after she told her family she would no longer be the CEO of their company. Right now, she has free time and she doesn’t have to go to her office for now.
She could feel a surge of pain in her head since earlier. And she knew it was because of lack of sleep.
She decided to go to the kitchen to grab a glass of water but she was just about to reach for a glass when she noticed her surroundings getting blurry. Her knees wobble and she tried to reach for something to hold onto but the next thing she knew, everything went dark.