The pain is too much to bear
Amelia Forbes
It seemed like my bad luck was on a roll today because, I soon as I walked out of the classroom door-wiping the remaining tears on my face and still massaging my neck-Kimberly and three of her minions waylaid me.
They backed me into a corner and forcefully led me into the girls’ bathroom.
As we got in, Aneeka secured the door and took her position directly behind Kimberly.
Kimberly looked at me, one hand on her waist and her right hip protruding in her favorite pose.
“What the fuck is going on between you and Adrian?” She spat, shooting me a glare.
I swallowed.
“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to buy time.
Malia rolled her eyes saying, “Bitch, don’t act dumb.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I repeated, crossing my hands in front of my chest.
Kimberly walked up to me. Out of nowhere she grabbed a fistful of my hair and dragged on it. I let out a sharp yelp, shoving her backwards with all the strength I could muster.
Malia and Aneeka stared at me in shock, mouth agape.
“You little bitch!” Malia exclaimed, just about the same time Kimberly recovered, walking up to me and slapping me hard on my left cheek.
“Don’t you ever put your hands on me, bitch!” She screamed. “You fucking ruined my top!”
My cheek stung. And I could tell that the rings Kimberly always wore would definitely leave a mark.
Clearly not done, Kimberly grabbed me by the jaw, her artificial nails digging into my skin. Forcing me to look at her she said, “You’re a nobody, Amelia. Stop forgetting that. Adrian doesn’t give a shit about you. Stay the fuck away from him.”
I struggled to release myself from her grip but Aneeka and Malia held me down, holding my arms on either sides.
“I see what you’re trying to do, Amelia. Playing the good girl so Adrian would fall for you? You’re trying to be part of the cool crowd now, huh? You pathetic piece of shit.”
“That’s NOT what I’m doing,” I screamed out in protest.
I would never do that. What the heck did I need popularity for anyway?
Kimberly shushed me saying, “There’s no need to deny it Amelia. I see you. I see what a pretentious bitch you are. All you want is to be on top right?”
She laughed. “Go home, Mel. Go throw some roses on mommy and daddy’s grave, will you?”
Kimberly saw that she had hit home. She smiled, placing a hand on my shoulder. “That’s right, loser. Go on. I mean, they obviously can’t stand you either. But. . . they’re dead so it wouldn’t matter of course.”
A tear began to pool in my eyes.
Malia noticed. She cackled as if seeing me cry was the funniest thing in the world.
As the three of them surrounded me, laughing and sneering at my misery. I felt like nothing more than a mere cockroach for everyone to step on.
And, not for the first time, I wished I was in the backseat of that car the day of my parents’ death.
Amelia Forbes
I sped from the bathroom, tears still dripping my eyes.
This was the second time I was crying in less than 30 minutes.
I grabbed Nana’s house keys from my locker and headed for the exit. I needed to go home. I needed to sleep. I needed all this pain to stop.
It was raining heavily and the sky was dark. Just like state of my life right now. Dark and gloomy.
Nevertheless, I walked into the rain. I had already decided I was going home right now, and not even the rain could stop me. Besides it was perfect for hiding the tears streaming down my face.
Nana wasn’t home when I got back. I unlocked the door and walked in, my clothes and shoes leaving pools of water on the floor.
I put a hand to my forehead, sliding slowly to the floor.
A sob escaped me as I recalled the events of today. When would the day come where I would go to school and not have any one insult me, throw something at me, or hit me.
Was it too much to ask to just live a normal life. Why couldn’t they just leave me alone.
I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be here. I repeated this over and over as if repeating it would make it come true.Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.
“All I want to do is feel normal!” I yelled to the empty house. “I want to be left alone. Just leave me alone.”
Tears spilled down my cheeks. I wanted to throw something. Hit something. Blame someone. But I knew.
I knew it was my fault. Everything. I realized that the only crime I had committed was. . . existing.
Living. Breathing.
Slowly, I walked up to my room and collapsed on my bed.
I woke up to Nana shaking me awake, alarm visible in her eyes.
I realized that I was still in my wet clothes.
Seeing me awake, Nana signed, Are you okay, dear?
My lips parted to reply but no sound came out. My throat was sore from crying and I found it hard to breathe.
I could see that Nana was panicking. I wanted to reassure her. Tell her I was okay. Tell her nothing was wrong with me. But all I could hear was the pounding of my chest in my ears.
My lungs felt like there were weights resting on them. It was getting harder to stay awake by the second. Nana slapped my cheek lightly, probably in a bid to keep me awake.
She placed the back of her palm on her forehead. The speed at which she snatched her hand off was enough to show me that I was running a temperature.
Stay awake, baby, Nana signed. She rushed out, returning with a bowl of water and a cloth.
The last thing I remembered was collapsing in her arms.
Jason Davenport
“We’re going on a vacation.” Dad announced as we sat at the dining table for breakfast.
We rarely had breakfast together. Dad was either on a business trip or rushing to work. So this was kinda rare.
I considered his statement, raising an eyebrow. “But school is still in session, Dad. And will be for like two more months,” I said, confused.
Dad’s face faltered. “Oh, um, I meant your mother and I. Your mother and I are going on a vacation.”
I felt my face begin to heat up.
“You’re taking this-her? You’re taking her on a vacation?”
He didn’t have time to talk to me or take me anywhere because he was always so damn busy, but he wasn’t too busy to go on vacation?
That was rich. I shook my head, anger surfacing.
Was it compulsory for dad and his gold digging wife to infuriate me every fucking day?
Ashley let out a squeal, obviously not hearing what I had just said. “Oh my gosh, babe!” She raced to dad’s side of the table and enveloped him in a hug, kissing both his cheeks in turn.
Dad smiled, obviously pleased with himself.
“But dad!” I attempted one last time. ” We’re supposed to go on vacation. As a family. We haven’t done that since mom. . .” I trailed off.
Ashley glanced at me with a pitiful look on her face.
“Don’t worry, baby. We’ll go after your final exams. As a family, so don’t-”
“Don’t you ever call me that. Ever again in your fucking life!” I bellowed.
Was this bitch crazy or something, I wondered.
“Jason!” Dad countered.
I ignored him and faced Ashley. “Stop fucking trying to be my mother and concentrate instead on being his whore. After all that’s why you’re here-”
I hadn’t finished my statement when all of a sudden Dad swung a hand across his side of the table, giving me a resounding slap.
I placed a hand to my cheek in shock.
Dad had never laid a finger on me. Never.
“Because of her, right?” I screamed at Dad. “You never hit me. Can’t you see what she’s doing?! To you! To us!”
Dad glared at me. “What is wrong with you, Jason. Don’t you see how disrespectful you’re being. Ashley may not be your birth mother. But she’s older than you, and she’s trying. Give her that respect. She sure as hell deserves it!”
I looked from dad to Ashley-who sat quietly, one arm linked to dad’s-and I could see it clearly. He was choosing her over me.
He wasn’t thinking of mom, or me. The only thing he cared about was Ashley.
Swallowing, I stood as if stung by a bee. “Have fun wherever the fuck you two are headed.”
With those words I stormed off, heading out to get some fresh air.
Amelia Forbes
My eyelids were extremely heavy as I struggled to open my eyes. My head ached and it seemed like the world was spinning.
I didn’t know how long I’d been lying here. Everything was a blur. I only recalled a few things. Like Nana bathing me in a tub full of hot water, Nana feeding me some strange kind of soup.
I think I recalled a nurse giving me some injections and writing down a list of things in a scrap of paper which she later handed to Nana.
I saw mom and dad too. But they kept disappearing.
Parting my lips, I tried to say something but my voice was really low and scratchy.
So in conclusion, I felt like crap.
Right then, Nana walked in with a tray of soup. Seeing that I was awake, she hurriedly put the tray down and rushed to my side.
Finally you’re awake; how are you feeling baby? She signed.
My hand felt heavy but I signed nonetheless, I feel really sick. How long has it been?
Nana first enveloped me in a hug and I could tell that she was struggling to hold back tears.
Afterwards she sat at my beside, feeding me while we talked.
I thought you were leaving me, Nana signed, tears in her eyes.
I suddenly felt guilty for being such a burden to her. I felt bad for falling sick. Why did I have to walk under the rain?
I remembered seeing mom and dad. And then it hit me. The reason why I kept on seeing them was because. . . I wanted to join them. I wanted to be with them.
As I looked at Nana, I saw the fear in her eyes. The fear of losing me. Just like I’d lost my parents.
And I remembered how unfair it all felt. And how broken I was.
And I realized that Nana would have felt the same way if anything happened to me.
I held Nana’s hand, trying to communicate without signing. Telling her how sorry I was.
And I wept like a baby. Because the pain was too much to bear.