#3 —Chapter 29
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We love each other.
We’ll be together.
I muttered the words into my closed palms, as though repeating them triggered a spell that’d make everything right. The bloody necklace wrapped my hands like a rosary. I didn’t believe in God, but I fucking prayed. Anguish shattered my last sense of control.
During the hospital ride, I clutched at my hair. I screamed. I rode a wave of intense flashbacks in the waiting room. I covered my face, trembling, a deep pain gnawing at me.
We love each other.
We’ll be together.
I wiped my eyes.
White surrounded me, so vivid it burned.
Michael sat a short distance away. He probably drowned in his guilt. His wife massaged his back, whispering hopeful words I clung to.
“She’s been in surgery for a long time. That’s a good sign, honey.”
He nodded and swallowed. “Yeah.”
“She’ll pull through,” she said, her voice thick. “She grew up with you. That means she’s stubborn as hell and won’t give up.”
I tuned her out, unable to hear give up without a wrenching agony in my chest. I focused on breathing. In and out. Slow. I counted my breaths as though they might help Liana in the OR.
“Can I get you something? A clean shirt?” Carmela’s hand rolled over my shoulder and squeezed. “Cup of coffee?”
I met Carmela’s winged gaze.
Save her. Please.
She flinched and let go.
Michael’s hot eyes cut at me, and I could’ve grappled with him on the floor if fighting with him hadn’t gotten her hurt in the first place.
A man in blue scrubs emerged from the double doors. He ignored everyone in the waiting room, making a bee-line for me.
“Are you Liana Costa’s husband?”
I stood. “Yes.”
He rubbed his flushed neck. “She’s in recovery. The gunshot ricocheted through her pelvis, causing multiple fractures, and it tore through a major artery, but we were able to stop the bleeding. Her vitals are stable, but she’s in critical condition.”
His words worked through my frozen brain.
“When can I see her?”
“Right now. One person at a time.”
He brought me into a maze of dark rooms and showed me to a bed where Liana lay, unrecognizable under the tubes. A suffocating sensation tightened my chest.
It’ll be okay.
I gripped her ankle. The relief I’d waited for wouldn’t come. I didn’t want to leave her, but they made me return to the waiting room, and I sank in the same seat. Michael came and went.
My awareness faded to a dull murmur as hours ticked by. After a gentle suggestion from Carmela and a bundle of clean clothes shoved under my arm, I showered. Liana’s blood spiraled the drain. I cleaned her jewelry before dressing in jeans and a T-shirt.
Numbly I headed toward her room. Michael and Carmela already sat vigil at her side. I joined them, winding the necklace around her limp hand, tucking the shell behind her fingers.
Liana’s brown waves spilled over the pillowcase, her eyes shut, her body lifeless. Maybe it was the fatigue. It was easy to daydream. The hospital bed melted into a deep orange sunset over water.
“I’m sorry I forgot,” I croaked, waiting for a flicker of life. “It was a long time ago, and so much has happened between then and now, but I remember everything-the seagulls, the stack of fried cod, and you begging me to stay. I’m sorry I didn’t. I had so many dreams, and I was going to chase them. After a few years of service, the GI bill would’ve paid for college.”
“You were so upset I joined. You stormed up and down the beach, screaming, crying. I couldn’t calm you down, so I grabbed a shell off the sand. I pressed it into your hands and promised I’d come back. I told you to hold it when you thought of me.”
Her strangled cry echoed in my head-“I love you, Vinny!”
“You too, kid.”
My eyes pinched.
“They shipped me out, and it was a disaster. I read your letters so many times. I had a major problem with my CO. He did terrible things. It’s a long story, but my issues with him escalated until they kicked me out. Then they dumped me in Boston. I couldn’t get a loan. I couldn’t find a job.”
The weight of my story seemed to stifle the air and rise, sucked through the vents.
“I never wanted to be vulnerable again, so I pushed you away…I’m sorry I didn’t catch up until I realized I’d lost you.”
There was nothing more to say.
I’d purged it all.
I squeezed her hand.
Michael’s chair scraped the floor before he exited. Carmela’s fingers threaded my hair before she followed him, leaving me in the machines’ horrible noise.