Once, my paranoid love

‘I know why you won’t let me hurt him,’ Derek finally whispered, his voice heavy with the weight of his realization. ‘Because you love him.’

His words struck a chord within him, and he felt a lump form in his throat. He couldn’t deny the truth in his statement, but it was more complex than he could ever understand. My history with Paul was twisted and painful, filled with both love and torment.

“Why don’t you want me to hurt him?” Derek asked after a brief pause, his voice filled with a mix of curiosity and concern. He wanted to understand my motives, to unravel the complex web of emotions that bound me to Paul.

“I know he physically assaulted me,” I repeated, my voice steady, “But believe the fact that he wasn’t like that before. I know that he has wronged me. But, I do not want him to be tortured. I saw him very closely. He had a lot of difficulties as well.”

Derek leaned back in his chair, his eyes never leaving mine. His quick smile had startled me, and I couldn’t help but divert my attention away from him. The complexity of my feelings swirled within me. It wasn’t just about seeking revenge; it was about understanding what had driven him to such a dark place.

“Only this,” Derek finally responded, his smile fading into a thoughtful expression.

“Okay, I’ll think about what you’ve said,” Derek continued, his voice measured. “I won’t kill him, but he must pay the price.”

His words hung in the air, and a sigh of relief escaped my lips. Derek had a reputation for being ruthless, but there was something different about him tonight. Maybe it was the way he had listened, or perhaps it was the glimmer of compassion in his eyes.

“But you didn’t say if you loved him or not?” Derek asked, his gaze intense, probing for the truth behind my actions.

I took a deep breath, my heart pounding in my chest. The question had been looming in the back of my mind, and now it demanded an answer.

“Mr. Derek, please don’t ask me this question since I don’t know the answer to that either,” I stammered, my voice quivering slightly. The weight of his expectations bore down on me, and I found myself at a loss for words.

“You’re my husband now,” I continued, my words gaining a touch of determination. “And I have never expected you will change our contract. As you thought to take my responsibility. I won’t give you any chance to complain about me. As a wife, I will perform all of my responsibilities,” I exclaimed quickly, my voice gaining strength as I spoke.

His response was immediate and unexpected. He leaned in, pressing his forehead against mine, our faces mere inches apart. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my cheeks, a stark contrast to the cool uncertainty that had enveloped the room just moments ago.© 2024 Nôv/el/Dram/a.Org.

“Only responsibilities?” he murmured, his voice low and husky, sending shivers down my spine. The intensity of his gaze held me captive, and for a moment, it felt as if the world had disappeared, leaving just the two of us in this intimate, charged moment.

I swallowed hard, my mind racing to process the implications of his question. It was a question that went beyond the terms of our contract, one that ventured into uncharted territories of emotion and desire.

I bit my lower lip, the taste of apprehension lingering as I slowly murmured, “Give me some time.”

Mr. Derek’s eyes, still locked onto mine, held a flicker of understanding, and he nodded in response. It was a moment of reprieve, a chance to gather my thoughts and sort through the tumultuous emotions that had been unleashed.

“And, Mr. Derek, thank you,” I said, my voice steadier now as I met his gaze with sincerity. The gratitude welled up within me, genuine and heartfelt.

“Why is that?” he inquired, his curiosity evident in the furrow of his brow.

“First, you saved my life,” I began, my voice soft but resolute. The memory of that fateful day, when he had come to my rescue, was etched in my mind like a vivid painting. “And second, you accepted me so quickly.”

“Accept you?” he questioned, his voice tinged with a hint of confusion. “What do you mean by that?”

In that moment, he leaned closer, his warm breath grazing my ear as he rested his chin on my shoulder. The sensation sent a shiver down my spine, but it was no longer fear that coursed through me. Instead, it was a strange mix of anticipation and hesitation, a sense of longing that I was only beginning to comprehend.

I shifted on the bed, my fingers nervously tracing the fabric of the comforter beneath me. I realized that if I wanted to make this marriage work, I had to embrace the complexities that came with it. I couldn’t hide behind the walls of my past forever, nor could I allow my insecurities to hold me back.

“I thought you wouldn’t accept me because of my past,” I confessed, my voice trembling ever so slightly. My gaze remained fixed on the pattern of the bedspread, unable to meet his eyes directly. “Moreover, you did not misunderstand me.”

“You don’t need to carry the weight of your past alone,” he whispered softly, his words a balm to my wounded soul.

Derek’s warm breath tickled my ear once more as he contemplated my words.

He had leaned in unexpectedly, his lips drawing dangerously close to mine. Before I could fully comprehend his intentions, I instinctively moved back, my eyes wide with shock. Our gazes locked, his filled with confusion and mine with apprehension.

“I… I am sorry,” I stammered, my voice barely above a whisper. With my heart racing, I closed my eyes and turned my head away, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment. I clutched my gown tightly with both hands, as if it were the last vestige of my composure.