Chapter-50. Failing again
[Ezra]
~It had been years since I thought about you until I did. But I am in my mind more often lately. With your thoughts that echo and scream so loud, I feel their reverberations in my heart.~
~She reminds me of you and she reminds me of you in ways I do not wish to be reminded. I hate myself for I am falling again, failing again and feeling again and I don't like it.~
I shut the journal, licking the saltiness off my lips.
Taking a deep breath, I concentrated on the burn in my chest that had turned even more bitter and excruciating. But my mind felt lighter than before. A lot less chaotic.
Although it took me the entire night to write two worthless, senseless, crappiest paragraphs of literature in my journal. And I wasn't even counting all the sentences I struck off, scribbled away. The unfinished sentences and the discarded ones that were now in the dustbin closed in the crumpled papers.
I had sent Asher and Raven everything Nesryn had gathered so far from the Virgo pack and the mortal realm.
Asher had seen the message, but didn't reply. Typical Asher, even his texts were cold, but his text space always felt warm, and it was not because of the fluffy black kitten in his profile picture.
It's something I can't explain. His mere presence and cold thoughtfulness were like irreplaceable support for me.
Meanwhile, Raven hadn't even seen the message yet. I think I knew why he hadn't checked his phone. His concentration was entirely on Xanthea right now. He seemed to have gotten into another insecurity game with Asher.
When we were young, Raven consistently wanted whatever possessions or toys Asher had, but once Raven acquired them, he lost interest and wanted something else that had caught Asher's attention.
Maybe it was because our father always favored Asher more, because he was born to be the perfect demon Alpha. From his demon wolf, to his crown demonic abilities. Asher was our father's pride, so he always had his complete attention. Raven might not realize it, much less accept it, but he always craved our father's attention until he understood that nothing he did could replace Asher in our father's eyes.
So he stopped and defied our father and took a completely different route, making a completely unique identity of his own. He became a healer and then a number one alchemist.Original content from NôvelDrama.Org.
When I look at Raven, I see his power, his hard-work and his strengths.
I wouldn't tell him, but he inspires me to keep striving and marching forward.
I peered at the leaves in his profile picture.
I wonder when he'll see that he doesn't have to beat Asher at anything. He was already winning in ways Asher never could.
But I knew there was nothing I could do to stop his insecurities. He wanted to possess Xanthea, and that was badgering me more than it should have.
And now, because of this sick game, she is going to Helxton.
Annoyance and anger merged into a throbbing pain in my head.
Tossing the journal on the couch, I got to my feet and then mounted a hoverboard.
Riding the hoverboard, I left my office and entered the elevator.
Contemplating Cedric's number on my phone for the entire way from my office to the car parking, I finally called him, riding the hoverboard out of the elevator.
"Yo, what's up Ezbro! To what do I have the honor of receiving your call?" Cedric said from the other side of the phone. "Especially so early in the morn? All good?"
I was about to disconnect the call when I stopped.
"Hello?" Cedric sounded confused.
"Who is it, Cedric?" A girl's moanful voice came from the other side of the phone.
I took the phone away from myself with a wince. Seriously?
"Shh! It's an important call, keep it low..." Cedric told the girl.
They were clearly not keeping it low.
"Brother, you there? Hmm. Strange. Maybe he called by mistake-"
"Just hang up!" The girl panted impatiently.
"Alright-" Cedric was about to hang up when.
"Wait!" I said, clearing my throat.
"Oh! Hey!" Cedric said, a little more excited. "Wassup?"
"What are you doing?"
"Uh... one-night-stand?"
Why did I even ask?
"It's morning, Cedric!"
"One-morning-stand?"
I stared at the phone, judgmentally.
"Anyway, you're in the assassination branch of Helxton, right?" I asked.
"Oh! You are a year late to congratulate me on my admission, but I'll take it. A year later, but you remembered. And that's what matters."
I lifted my brows.
"Yeah... so. I wanted to ask what you need to go through college nowadays? Like what devices and apps do you need in your studies and all? Especially if you are... taking... a fast course?"
"Why ya wanna join Helxton? Aren't you already passed out from the astronomy department? Now ya wanna be an assassin? Leave something for me, bro. Otherwise, how else am I supposed to kill you and your brothers and sit on the Alpha throne?"
"Cedric," I took his name in a threatening tone.
"Alright. Alright. I mostly use this flip-flop kinda laptop. You know that one which is a laptop but can turn into a tablet and has a stylus pen attached to it so you can type and write. Whatever suits you. Your company's latest model, bro. It works as smooth as butter. And there's this Helxton app where I keep a record of my syllabus, exams, assignments and stuff. Aaannnddd... a smartphone? I mean, that's a must for everyone."
"And what will you need if you are to join the healing department?" I asked.
"Why don't you ask, brother Raven?"
"Cuz I don't wanna," I said simply.
"Hmm. Well. That's kind of a lucky coincidence. I am with someone from the healing department. Just wait a sec," Cedric said, and the voices turned into faint murmurs. Cedric responded after a while. "Ok... soooo you'll need a healing partner, diagnostic magical instruments, what else? Uh... an alive skeleton and... Helxton recommended healing books-"
I entered the tech section of my company.
"Text me the rest," I said.
"No, seriously, why do you need all this stuff?" Cedric asked.
"I don't know," I cut the call. "Seriously? Why do I need this stuff? Raven would know where to get a living skeleton better than me. I don't even want her to go to Helxton! What is wrong with me?"
"Greetings, Alpha. Do you need something?" The head of the department asked.
***
I entered Asher's penthouse to the delicious aroma of his cooking.
My mouth watered. Asher's cooking was next to none.
"Do you want coffee or not?" I heard Raven's voice from the kitchen.
"I-I can make it..." Xanthea stuttered.
Raven squinted his eyes.
"What is wrong with you? Dear devil! You're just like him! He, too, can't eat or drink stuff others make for him. As you might have noticed, his house had not a single house help. Normal people wouldn't believe that the Alpha of the Prime Infernal pack does all the household work by himself. Cooking, cleaning, laundry," Raven grunted.
"It's nothing like that. This is a lifestyle I have chosen. I can live however I want. I don't see why you always have a problem with it," Asher said calmly.
I sensed the strain building between the two of them as I walked into the kitchen.
It was true Asher liked to cook his own food. Like Raven said, Asher had always been reluctant to eat or drink items prepared by others. He didn't even eat outside food, not even in the fanciest restaurants.
Although, recently there has been an exception.
I looked at Xanthea.
In the mortal realm, Asher drank the tea Xanthea made. Maybe it was because he knew there was nothing in the mortal realm that could harm immortals.
For a few seconds, my eyes remained transfixed on Xanthea wearing nothing but Asher's oversized shirt. Standing by the kitchen island, she nervously clenched the hem of Asher's shirt, her fingers fidgeting with the fabric. "Problem?" Raven scoffed, and I averted my eyes from her slender body. "You have severe trust issues and I am the one with problems here."
Asher shot a glance at Raven, who met his gaze with a furrowed brow.
I sighed. Asher liked doing his work himself and there was nothing more to it, probably.
Asher remained silent, which clearly pissed Raven off even more.
"I am talking to you, you fucker! Reply!" Raven growled.
"Easy there, Raven," I said, walking closer to the island.
Xanthea's head snapped towards me. Her tensed eyes softened and she let out a subtle sigh, as though she was relieved to see me there.
"Asher never questions what we do and how we live. Don't ruin the taste of such a delicious breakfast. I hope you made extra, Asher, because I am starving," I said, walking around the island. "And Raven, damn what a fragrance. It's been so long since I had the coffee you made. Can you make some for me too?"
"You still like it strong?" Raven asked.
"Yup! Just like you make it," I said.
Asher and Raven were at two ends of the islands and I stood in between them, helping both of them in turns, passing them stuff they needed. Because that's all I was good for.
I hated cooking, but I loved eating.
While I was at it, I couldn't help but notice the scratch marks on Asher's shirtless body and Raven's revealed torso. They sure as hell had a hell of a night with her.
I deliberately ignored Xanthea who awkwardly trudged closer to Asher.
"Umm... can I help somehow?" she asked in a timid tone.
"Yes, you can. Come here," Asher said. Grabbing her waist, he made her sit on the island. Scooping a spoonful of rich red broth from the thick soupy pasta, Asher spooned the soup into her mouth.
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"Try it and tell me how it is," Asher said.
Xanthea's eyes widened slightly, and I knew she was relishing on the taste of the soup. I still remember the symphony of flavors that burst on my tongue when I tasted Asher's cooking. "Oh, my goddess..." she shut her eyes.
"Is it good?" Asher asked.
"It's delicious," she said with a smile, licking the remnant off her lips.
My gaze lingered on her lips and the desire to taste the soup on her lips took over me.
"You want more?" Asher asked.
"Of course she does! Asher's cooking is next to none," Raven said. He walked to them and tasted the soup himself. "Umm hmm. Just as always, yummy."
I smiled. In the end, even for Raven, it was impossible to resist Asher's cooking.
"Raven, serve the food and bring it to the dinner table," Asher said. "And Xanthea... if you don't mind, can you brew me some tea?"
"Sure," she said, getting down from the island.
My smile faded away.
Raven and I exchanged a glance. I shrugged. If Asher was ok with drinking the tea she made, who were we to judge?
My gaze lingered on the three steaming mugs of coffee arranged on the serving tray. Raven could have been a barista if he wasn't a healer.
While arranging the plates on a tray, Asher said. "The tea leaves are in the upper cabinet." Then he walked to the dining table with the tray. The dining table was right next to the kitchen.
"Ezra, get the coffee," Raven said, following Asher with the rest of the food.
Xanthea approached the cabinet Asher had pointed towards. Getting on her tiptoe, she touched the edge of the gray cabinet. She flinched as the cabinet opened up automatically.
Leaning back against the island, I watched her as she struggled to reach out towards the tea leaves box, but it was out of her reach.
She jumped, and the shirt lifted off her ass.
I shut my eyes, running my fingers through my hair, holding back a smile.
I was trying to keep my distance from her, and she tried her best to fade into the background. But the background stood out even more because of her presence. Maybe ignoring her wasn't a good idea when every inch of her existence screamed for my attention.
I walked towards her.
She froze as soon as she realized I was standing behind her.
Pinning her against the island, I leaned closer to her neck as I reached out towards the tea on the cabinet.
Her back delicately arched away from my body. I could hear her heart race and the abrupt halt in her breaths as I ran my other hand up her thigh to her ass.
She let out a faint gasp when I squeezed her ass.
"Sharpen your nails a little more, angel. You'll need them tonight a lot more than you did last night," I whispered, placing the tea box in front of her.
She lowered her head, tightly wrapping her fingers around the tea box and all I wanted at that moment was to grab her hair, bend her over the island and fuck her until she could no longer fuck with my mind. "Ezra, coffee!" Raven called out.
"Bringing!" I said, withdrawing myself from her.