Denial
DABBY:
It was a great relief to my heart when I realized that the word ‘freeze’ was for Mr. Anderson, and not for us. But when I realized that Damien could suspect that something was wrong with the way mum was talking to Mr. Anderson, I quickly coughed out loud as I walked down the stairs to avoid more problems for us.
I answered mum’s question and left the scene immediately, to relieve her of her unnecessary anxiety and tension. I strode past Damien who was still standing on the stairs and made my way into my room to sleep immediately. I didn’t want to think of the situation that almost happened minutes ago.
I woke up the next morning and was hot dressed, only to see Damien waiting for me after I finished eating. He offered that I sit in the front seat beside him, and I am sure mum would have been so surprised to know that something had improved between us.
Throughout the short drive to school, Damien started his words slowly in rambles, and I could not understand what he was saying. He finally got bolder when he saw that I was not interested, and apologized loudly for everything that he had done.
From belittling me, not keeping his stupid ex in check, to hurting me physically, mistakenly, and with words, ignoring things that he should have addressed that affected me, blaming me for our bad relationship, telling me to leave with my mum, getting into a fight with my friend unnecessarily and so many things, that I have even forgotten that he did.
He continued to mention them one after the other, and I was pretty impressed that he took his time to do that. That wasn’t what bothered my mind even though I was still worried about what would happen in school with the secret we didn’t want anyone to find out. Damien’s mind seemed to be far from it.
I checked my phone when the notification beeped, and it was Mason texting. He asked if we were in school already, and that we should wait at the school parking lot if we had arrived already. I didn’t know if the bad blood between Damien and Mason was finally gone, but I just did the distraction myself and told him that we should wait.
When we made our way into class together with Mason who had arrived, I was nervous about what would happen. I didn’t think that I would be able to stand the pressure if anyone asked me about the video, or how I was related to Damien enough to be able to enter his house late at night. They would call me names again. Degrading ones at that.
And just when I was expecting them to hurl insults at me, Mason spoke out words that I didn’t expect. He declared that he and Damien were cousins, and said that he had broken up with me too. It made me feel bad immediately. I wondered if it was because of what I said the previous day.
“And how did Damien even become your cousin? I thought you guys hated each other,” one of the most popular girls in our school asked him. The best ones on the basketball team.
“I cannot believe she worked her way between these two. So annoying.”
“And why was she at Damien’s house at night? I thought you guys were dating. Or is she fucking two cousins? Something like a threesome?” A rude girl, Suzanne who was Vivian’s best friend yelled irritatedly as she walked closer to where I was standing. I wanted to hit her across the face for being a bitch.
“Can a girl not keep being friends with her ex’s cousin and visiting their family home? Do you all have disgusting relationships like yourself?!” Confidence suddenly surged from somewhere in my body, and I yelled at her face which was redundantly covered in ugly makeup.
Everyone that was there seemed shocked that I replied to her angrily this time, that I could see the proud smirk across Mason’s lips when he looked at me. He sneaked a thumbs up too.
“Oh my goodness! You, this nerdy baff, are friends with Damien?” Vivian, who always felt like she could do better, asked me to my face after passing a word of insult.
“And is it bad? I mean you have no skill of such whatsoever of your own, except trolling, hoeing, and spewing trash. I am a complete person with Intellectual skills, beauty, money, fashion, and even the guys you want to have. You stand no chance!” I screamed at her face and she flinched so fearfully immediately.
“If you guys have so much energy to follow people around and video them, expecting people to live up to your expectations, and always demanding answers to your nuisance, you should invest more time in your results. College is a few months away, calling to the ones that have something to offer,” I sneered at all of them with glaring eyes, and scoffed so loudly enough for them to hear. They all became dumbfounded. They had nothing more to say again.
Just in the heat of the moment, a girl ran in from the opposite direction of the hallway and screamed out, “Someone left Debby’s nudes at the photocopying machine, and the pictures have been circulating. It is crazy!”
And just like that, there was a hubbub everywhere in the room, as I turned to Mason and Damien with a smile. The bell for the first period in class rang loudly, and there was a final dispatch of the ones who were still waiting to hear something from us.
“Hey, Chu. Thanks for bringing an end to this,” Damien said as he turned to Mason, and I wondered why he was calling him that.
“Don’t you dare!” Mason turned to him with a serious face, and Damien’s lips let out a mischievous smirk.
“Of course, I would!” Damien dared and turned to leave immediately. Mason, who was not willing to let go, chased after him, and Damien ran so fast for his dear life.
I didn’t understand what their short discussion was all about, but it was fun and exhilarating to see them play together.
‘Maybe they were finally willing to let go of their past grudges, and start a new chapter of their beautiful past.’
And after I left for class with Mason, I knew that I was still left with so many problems and worries. The ones that only I knew. The first one was the abusive relationship between mum and Damien’s father, and the second was my feelings for Damien.
Weighing how things had become, my life would become harder to execute plainly and freely. I just felt like the best that I could do was keep my feelings hidden till the very end, with the hope that I would be able to get over them by finding a new person.
‘I mean, college was a few months away. I could find other better guys with time.’
Before classes ended for the day, more than five people came around and wanted to be friends with me. It was so unbelievable for me because it was something I never expected to happen till I finished my entire course of study.
It made me realize that the weak and vulnerable ones always suffered from trampling by others, who feel so insecure about their lives. And it was also what gave bullies leverage against people who were posed as weak.Content provided by NôvelDrama.Org.
Cafe MADELES picked full pace with an even better sales record, and it had I and Mason working late in the night. After we were closed for the day, Mason offered to drop me home and we had a little chat outside the gate.
“Did you tell Damien about it?” He asked as soon as I removed the helmet from my head and gave it to him.
“About my feelings?” I asked rhetorically knowing what he was talking about, and sighed hard before replying, “He knows.”
“Are you going to do anything about it?” He inquired again.
“We are siblings, and it is going to be so sad if my mum knows about this. It is just a crush. It would pass,” I responded to his question in the best way I could, knowing well that I didn’t have a sure answer to that.
“Just know that in whatever you do and make your final choice, Dabby, I will support you,” Mason offered calm words to my ears, and pulled me closer for a warm embrace that made me feel safe.
When we separated, he planted a gentle kiss on my forehead before he turned away, and my eyes didn’t miss the look on his face. He looked sad.
I walked back into the house after he left with his bike, and continued to ponder on what seemed to be going wrong.
Sitting on one of the seats inside the beautiful garden that was lit brightly, was Damien who seemed to be waiting for someone. He stood up immediately after he saw me, and came to where I was standing.
“You are back from work,” Damien said when he came near, and I nodded in answer to his question.
I became cautious of mum and his dad being around as I looked around, because I couldn’t afford us getting caught in a compromising action. Being near him meant things could go wrong with my emotions, which were trying their best to find peace and stillness.
“And……. Goodnight,” I said to him immediately and turned to leave because I couldn’t risk getting too attracted to him again in just the space of a few minutes.
“Do you think things can still work out between us, Dabby?” I heard Damien’s voice suddenly ask in desperation when he saw me leaving, and I turned to look at him instantly. His eyes were pleading, and it almost made me weak.
I wanted to say yes. I wanted us to date because I liked him too much to withhold my feelings. It was the first time I had gone too close to someone, and developed strong feelings for the person.
Even if I were to consider our status as siblings, I wanted to affirm the fact that we could try something. I now knew that our parents’ relationship wasn’t exactly what we thought it was, and that would have made the entire situation messed up. I knew all of this, but …….
“No, Damien. I do not think, that things can work out between us. We are siblings,” I dismissed with a huge pain in my heart.