Me After Meeting You

Upon hearing her emotional confession, Calvin’s heart trembled. Amber’s words were too much for him to bear, each word piercing and terrible, forcefully triggering memories of that night when he had gone drinking with his colleagues. Melody had invited him to leave with her; they were both tipsy and so had chosen not to drive back. Instead, they slowly meandered through the streets.

After a long round of drinking, he had been feeling gloomy, and in that state of mind, he had wanted to unburden the heavy thoughts weighing on him. As he talked with Melody, the conversation had actually turned to Amber about her experiences with Calvin in the past. And Melody, despite the fact that she was talking about another person with Calvin, had actually smiled brightly.

Her smile had thrust Calvin into the past, conjuring an image of when he had been by Amber’s side-she had a savory scone in her hands and was smiling as she asked, “Calvin, will you come home with me? I’ll give you this, alright?”

When he had been abroad for all those years, whenever he felt lonely or upset, he would think of this scene. And then without fail, he would always wake up in a melancholic mood-he had been by her side for so long, but he had never found the appropriate moment to tell her that he loved her, to kiss her.

Their childhood nights together were lovely, but there always remained some intangible distance between them; they were neither too close nor too far, but just close enough for him to watch her.

It had been right before dawn, when the streets were very, very quiet, so quiet that it seemed as if they were in a dream. Unable to restrain his emotions, he had stretched out his hands and pulled her into his embrace. But when the dream ended, he had realized that the person he was embracing wasn’t Amber, but rather someone entirely different.

He didn’t know how to process the confusion that he was feeling, so he followed his instinct and hurriedly ran away to find the actual woman of his dreams. Once he did, he’d hugged and kissed her anxiously, wanting to convince himself through his actions that he had only hugged the wrong person because of his drunken stupor.

At that time, Amber’s cool headedness had made him calm down, but he had also felt an exceedingly strange feeling from her: a little bit of disappointment, but also relief from a burden.

And when he listened to Amber reveal all her thoughts, Calvin found that he actually couldn’t refute her words. Perhaps she was right, perhaps the person who he had loved might have just been a childhood fantasy of his, the product of her offering a small kindness in a time of hardship.

He loved her, not the present her, but the youthful her, the young girl who only cared about him. And she was no longer her, her heart now filled with too many people and far too many things.

Calvin looked at Amber. She appeared to be calm, impassively analyzing everything with neither sadness nor disappointment.

He couldn’t help himself from asking, “Then, what about you? Did you really love me?”

Amber didn’t respond.

“You never liked me either, right?” He suddenly felt that this realization might be harder to bear than the fact that the Amber he truly loved was just his childhood memory. “When you said all those things, were you lying to me? About how you were only his shield. But actually, I’m your shield, aren’t I? You love him, but the difference in your social standings made you hesitant of accepting him. So, you used me-”Original from NôvelDrama.Org.

“Calvin!” Amber had to stop him there. She looked him squarely in the eye. “We’ve known each other for so many years. Don’t you know what kind of person I am?”

“Then why can’t you give me another chance?” He buried his face in his hands. “Why must you analyze everything so coldly and logically? Amber, we never even had a good start.”

Even before their relationship could properly start, a third party had already been thrown between them.

Calvin knew this, and the only reason Amber hadn’t mentioned it was because she wanted to preserve both their dignities. In the end, they were the ones who knew each other the best, so all he was hoping for was another chance from her. But rather than wait for a reply, Calvin had already gotten up and was preparing to leave.

Amber didn’t send him out.

After he left, she remained sitting there, frozen in the same posture for an indeterminable amount of time. Only when her sweat had evaporated and her body gone chilly did she bathe and sleep.

***

The next morning, Amber woke up and went to work as usual, running into Dr. Susan at the hospital gates. She had on minimal makeup and was wearing a tan overcoat that fluttered in the breeze with her steps. Despite still being somewhat thin, she looked full of vitality.

Clearly, she had already moved on from her divorce.

Upon seeing Amber, Susan said, “You don’t look too good.”

Amber rubbed her face tiredly as she replied, “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Breakup?”

Amber choked out of surprise.

Susan smiled and patted her shoulder. “In return for last time, I’ll accompany you for a night.”

“Thanks, I might take you up on that.”

***

After she stepped into the elevator, Amber carefully inspected her reflection on the elevator walls. Besides her dark eyebags, she couldn’t identify any trace that she had gone through a breakup.

But it was true that she wasn’t feeling too good.

As Amber made her usual rounds, when she got to Elly, she noticed that Elly was speaking far less than usual. Perplexed, Amber turned off the recording device and sat there, looking at her dazedly. Then, Elly raised her head to look at her.

Amber belatedly realized that something had changed.

That was the first time that Elly had ever looked someone in the eye after her illness. Her gaze carried a very careful doubt within it, Amber maintained her posture without moving, not shifting her gaze or posture even a little.

It felt as if the air around them had congealed. Only after a while did Amber finally hear a somewhat low and hoarse voice pierce the silence. “Aren’t you going to talk?”