Married to the mafia boss Series

Antonio

Am I capable of love?

What I feel for Lily, I think is the closest I will ever come to loving someone. The tear that fell from her eye after I said I didn’t know caused a slight pain in my heart and suddenly I feel as though I’m the world’s biggest jackass.

“I love you,” she breathes out unsteadily and my own heart pounds hard in my chest. “I love you and I hate that I love you because you will never feel the same way I do.”

I grab her wrists when she turns away from me and pull her into a gentle kiss. I pull back to see a twinkle in her eyes as though I’ve just given her hope. “They like to exploit weaknesses, they would do anything to get their hands on you if you they knew-”

“If they knew you loved me?” Lines form in her forehead. “God, Antonio! I mean, I’m not asking you to profess your love for me on the news! I’m asking you to profess it here to me alone! I’m asking you to love me,” she hides her face with her hands.

“It’s not so much about them knowing than it is allowing myself to actually love you and then having you ripped away from me. It would destroy me!”

“And what about our baby!” She shouts.

I jerk my head back and blink a few times. I’m speechless. “What?”

Did she just say what I think she said?

“I mean… what about if we have children one day?” She bites her bottom lip and looks down at her lap.

The nausea, the emotional outburst, the weight gain…. “You’re pregnant?” I grab her chin and make her look me in the eyes.

Her eyes well with tears and she nods her head quickly.

“How long have you known?”

“I just found out today,” her voice waivers.

The only emotion I feel is pissed. I stand from the bed and slick back my hair with my hands. I rub harshly at my face and try to think of how this is even possible. “You were on the pill, what the fuck happened?” I shout.

Hurt flashes across Lily at my swearing at her. She timidly shakes her head and croaks out, “No. I was never on the pill.”

“That bastard!” I click over one of the wooden end tables holding a lamp.

“You’re scaring me,” she curls herself into a ball on the bed making herself small.

“I talked to your father on our wedding day, he told me he gave you the pill a week before the wedding and told me you knew to take it every morning,” I point at her.

“No! No, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never got a pill. I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?” I almost laugh. “That sex causes babies? We didn’t have sex with a condom what the hell did you think would happen?”

“I don’t know,” she cries harder. “I didn’t know, I swear! I never got a pill.”

I pace the room and feel as though my sanity is slipping away. Pregnant. Lily is fucking pregnant with my child at the worst possible time. The Bratva is getting stronger, I’m losing men, and Domenico Fucking-Ricci is here trying to start a war with the Outfit by lying to me. Purposely telling me that my wife was on the pill. Sabotaging me-exploiting weakness.

“I don’t want an abortion,” Liliana breaks my thoughts. I harshly turn to look at her. Tears are streaked down her red face and a wave of sadness washes over me.

“You are not getting an abortion,” I growl and she nods in understanding. “I need to have a fucking word with your father.”

I’m so furious I can’t be near anyone right now. I debate whether it’s smart or not to call Domenico right now when I’m so out of my mind angry. Instead of making a foolish, rash decision I call over Rocco to help me probably make an even more foolish, rash decision.

Rocco gets here in record time after telling him it’s an emergency. He bursts through the elevator doors when they open and frantically looks around the room.

“What happened?” His heavy breathing tells me he must’ve been running.

Sitting calmly and collectively on the couch. I down my scotch and set the glass on the coffee table. I take a deep breath before dispelling, “Liliana is pregnant.”

“Shit. Really?” He slowly walks over to the couch and sits next to me. “So… this is bad news? I thought you wanted to have children?”

“Not right now,” I shake my head. “Maybe when I was like forty. That’s not the point though. Domenico Ricci told me at my wedding that he gave my bride birth control pills to take.”

“He fucking lied?” Rocco’s fists clench. He’s always hated Domenico Ricci just as much as I always have. “That’s an act of war. That dick! So what are we doing? Are we going to New York and killing him?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Killing him is definitely an act of war. Luca and his sociopathic tendencies won’t be good for the Outfit which is already weak from our war with the Bratva.”

“What’s the plan then?”

I sigh. “I don’t know. Honestly, I want to kill him as much as you do. He’s waiting for Lily to get pregnant, if we never announce the news or let him know then we have the upper hand.”

“So we keep the baby a secret?” Rocco clarifies.

“I’d like to keep it a secret until it’s like thirteen years old, but I know rumors spread easily and along with the paparazzi… Lily would have to stay inside for the next,” I do the math, “six months. Then what, the child stays inside for the next thirteen years? He’ll have to go outside for fresh air and school and just fuck, I didn’t want a kid.”

“So we keep both of them hidden as long as possible until we have a plan. Like you said, we have the upper hand. Okay, so we start with telling Liliana and Carmelo to keep their mouths shut about the pregnancy. No telling anyone, not even our relatives.”

I handle Liliana upstairs while Rocco tells Carmelo who is probably upstairs in his own room. I open the door to the master bedroom to still see her crying on our bed. Her face is smothered in the pillow and hands clutching the blanket seeking comfort.

With a heavy exhale I walk over to her, sit on the edge of the bed and rub her back. She stills and sucks in a breath and then a wrecking sob. Lily pulls up to look at my face, she wraps her arms around my neck and hold me close. “I’m sorry,” she whimpers.

I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her into my lap. My other hand strokes her long golden hair in an attempt to calm her down. After a few long minutes her crying subsided and she lets out a shuddering breath. I pull back to look at her face wiping a piece of hair out of her face. I set her on the bed so she’s laying on her back and my eyes dart to her stomach.

It is a tiny bump, I didn’t think anything of it because I didn’t think it was possible for her to get pregnant while on the pill. Not to mention we only had sex once our entire marriage-aside from the sex we had earlier. I pull up her shirt to get a better look at her rounding stomach and massage my hands over the flesh.

Her skin is soft and I notice faint stretch marks starting to form. When my cousin’s wife was pregnant two years ago, I remember him telling me that his wife put on this certain lotion to help with stretch marks. He helped her rub it on her stomach, but he did it because the massage he would provide would arouse and he’d usually get some action.

Not expecting sex but wanting to calm her down. I grab some lotion from her vanity and begin to lather it on her stomach and occasionally reaching up toward her breasts-which I’m now aware have also grown in size.

“You want someone who is kind-hearted, considerate, funny, smart, sensitive and a family man…” I begin.

“What makes you think that?”

“B. J.,” I state simply. “I studied him carefully when we were watching those few episodes and I’ve come to the conclusion that is why you like him.”

She sits up with a smirk on her face, “Not because he’s extremely handsome?” She raises an eyebrow.

“You stare at the television with a certain look on your face whenever he comes on. A look of longing and a smile as though you’ve known that man your whole life. Even if he was extremely horrible looking your heart would still swell the moment he cracked a joke, or the moment he turned down other women because he is faithful to his wife and children back home, or the moment he looked at his dead patients and felt sorry for them-felt empathy.” She just blinks at me unknowing what to say. “I can’t be that man, Liliana.”

She gives me a sad smile. “Then I guess I should join the army,” she half-heartedly jokes.

I walk over to the mini-fridge and pour myself a glass of Jack Daniels to calm my raging nerves. I’m so furious with Domenico Ricci that I can’t even see straight. Already I am formulating a plan in my head that won’t cost the Outfit but will also leave Domenico without his life. At this moment war seems inevitable as I skim all the options silently to myself.

Domenico is strong in New York, he hasn’t lost a shit ton of soldiers I have. I have his son and daughter in the Outfit with me, but the only child Domenico cares about is Luca. In New York, Liliana’s mother and Arabella are there, Domenico would try to use them as leverage knowing well that Liliana would do anything to keep them safe. I still have the Bratva to worry about and having New York and the Russian bastards against the Outfit would be suicide.

An accident, I could make it look like an accident that Domenico was killed. Luca would take over like it’s always been planned. That could work if I got close enough. Like me, I never go anywhere without my men. He would probably be armed and with a trusted soldier or two. It would more likely be in his territory which gives me a disadvantage.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I hate more than anything being made a fool.

I watch Liliana in her stunning wedding dress float around the room greeting guests and also looking for someone. She’s smiling, but it’s all a rouse. I can tell she’s scared, probably scared of what is to come later tonight.

Liliana’s father, Domenico, approaches me and slaps his hand on my back in congratulations. “Welcome to the family, son-in-law,” he flashes his usual devious smile.

“Thank you,” I say curtly while my eyes are still glued on my new wife.

“I trust Liliana will be an obedient wife tonight. My wife has told her what is expected of her and last week I had a gynecologist start her on birth control.”

I sigh in relief. I don’t want children, maybe not ever. “Good.” I nod.

Having children is one of the most vulnerable things, unless you could not show an ounce of love to them then you are protected for what will possibly come. There are too many enemies that would love to get their hands on a Capo’s child. Once they have possession the Capo becomes a puppet on a string.

Do this or we will kill your son.

I would know, I was only six when the Bratva took me. Fortunately for me my father found a way to kill the bastards before they could lay a hand on me-and I knew they had much planned.

To bring a child into this world would be cruel, to give them the life I have. I would rather my line die then have children.

If I ever did have children, I would want it to be when I’m old and nearing death that way I don’t have to live watching my child become what I am. So I don’t have to live in fear because having a child is a weakness.

As much as a weakness as loving your wife.

My empty glass forces me out of my flashback as I pour my second drink and let the alcohol dull my emotions even further.

I can’t help but let anxiety and anger course destructively throughout my body like an indestructible bomb waiting to go off and destroy everything in my path.

“If you wanted,” a small voice creeps up from behind my chair. “We could always get rid of it.”

I turn around to catch the tears brimming in her eyes. I can tell straight away that she doesn’t mean a single word of what is coming out of her mouth.

“No.” Even if I wanted this problem taken care of. The Famiglia is catholic and we don’t do abortions. “Liliana don’t worry yourself about this. I just need time to think.”

She nervously plays with her fingers, pitching and itching at the skin. “Okay,” she says quietly and sniffles.

The sounds are like a kick to my chest and it suddenly feels as though someone has reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. I stand in front of her and peer down as she peers up at me through her long eyelashes.

I brush away a tear. “I mean it,” I say as gently as I can. “We’re having a baby and we have six months to figure things out.” She bites her bottom lip and nods. “Good. Now get some rest.” I notice the dark bags under her eyes. “I have some business to attend but I’ll be back tonight.”

“Antonio,” she calls out before I exit the door. I look over my shoulder. “I-I am scared.” I drop my hand from the doorknob and walk back to her. “I’m scared because I don’t know anything about pregnancy and Arabella isn’t here to comfort me and my mother won’t answer the phone.”

I didn’t tell her she had me because I know she means she doesn’t have anyone who is female to talk to. I’d have to see if I could get one of Liliana’s friends or close female relatives to come to Chicago. I’ll put it on my list of many things to do.

I wrap my arms around her. “I talked to Angelo at the wedding and he said your father told him your mother was on a vacation in Europe and to not bother her. She hasn’t been ignoring you. I’m sure she’ll be home soon.” I rub her back in soothing circles. “There’s no reason to be scared. You are married to me and I am bound to keep you protected so long as I live and I will honor that. You are safe. No one will touch you or hurt that child.”

Her shoulders relax and a relieved exhale escapes her lips. With the nod of her head and one last squeeze of her arms around my waist, she pulls back and slips into bed wrapping herself in the comforter.

***

It took me barely ten minutes to get to phone number of Liliana’s friend Gia. She was married months prior to my wedding with Lily and lives in Philadelphia with one of the underbosses. It’d be hard to get Gia to Chicago with her husband being the possessive bastard all Made Men are.

I also didn’t know if trusted Gia with the secret of my wife’s pregnancy. Of course I want Lily to be able to talk to someone who probably knows more about pregnancy than I ever would. I mean don’t girls research pregnancy as well as dream about it and play pretend?

I delete Gia’s number and am back to square one. There is no way in hell I’ll suggest Lily talks to Arabella. I can’t trust her now that she is Luca’s wife. Even if my cousin hates her cousin’s guts and would never tell Luca about the pregnancy, there is no doubt in my mind that the call will be somehow monitored.

Liliana walks downstairs with her shoulders slumped and red face slick with tears. I stand from the couch and watch her descend slowly as she wipes her face in the crook of her elbow.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-I just wanted to talk to Angelo a-and I couldn’t get through to him. His phone is on and he has the day off-right?” I nod. “Then why isn’t he answering me?”

“Maybe he’s busy,” I offer. I know many Made Men spend their days off at the Famiglia’s club-The Silver Shadow.

“Maybe,” her sigh sounds like one of defeat.

For her sake I pick up my phone and dial Angelo’s burner phone-one that all the Made Men have on them in case of emergencies. They could be balls deep in the best pussy but if their phone went off, they’d answer.

The phone rings once, then twice, and by the third time I’m so pissed off I’m ready to throw the phone against the wall.

“Fuck. He’s not answering,” I begin to pace the living area.

Liliana fidgets nervously and bites her lip. “What does that mean. Is he ignoring us?”

I shake my head grimly. “I don’t think so.”

“What does that mean?” I can tell by the rise and fall of her chest she’s beginning a panic attack.

I take a few long strides over to her and grip her by the shoulders. “He could’ve just left his phone in the other room.”

He’d be an idiot to do something that stupid.

“Don’t worry,” I rub her upper arms. “I’ll figure it out.” I grab my jacket and motion for Carmelo who is lurking in the fridge to keep his eye on Liliana.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

Angelo, what the fuck did you get into?

***

In my office I called in a few of my most trustworthy men, Rocco, Vito and Salvatore. Rocco is the muscle and if Angelo is in danger, I’d want him by my side to help me slit the throats of the fuckers who took one of my men. Vito is the rationale one, I need him for brainstorming where to look first. Salvatore is a genius on the computer and can hack any system or track any person which will come in handy if Angelo is either completely fine and just not answering his phone, or kidnapped.

First off, I ask if any of them have seen or heard from Angelo-they shake their heads.

Second off, I have them call Angelo on their phones and see if he’ll pick up for them.

Nothing.

“If this is what I think it is, Angelo is missing and we need to find out who took him and where the hell he is,” I pinch the bridge of my nose and lean back in my chair.

“Angelo is a man of New York; do you think it’s an attack on the Ricci’s?”

“It’s possible. He was taken in Chicago which means it’s either the Bratva’s doing, or he’s taken to get to my wife which in turn gets to me and pisses me off.”

“Should we call Domenico Ricci?” Salvatore asks.

I shake my head thinking of earlier. He lied to me. My wife is pregnant and I’m vulnerable now because of it.

“No. Domenico Ricci is no longer trusted.”

My brother gives me a look that tells me he wants me to elaborate. I shake my head. Not now. Even if I trust Vito and Sal, I don’t want anyone to know my wife if pregnant.

Rocco is different. He’s my brother in every sense in both blood, honor, and duty. We’ve gone through too much shit and we both wear scars that show the sacrifices we’ve both went through for each other.

“He could be taken by the Bratva we can check their warehouses?” Sal offers.

“You think it’s the Bratva?” Vito crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow.

“You don’t?”

“If it’s not the Bratva then it’s one of us, and if it’s one of us who and why?”

“Or it’s New York trying to start war with us”

“Why when Tony and Liliana got married to ensure peace and why steal one of their own men? A man who is-need I remind you-Domenico’s son.” Vito shakes his head.

“Domenico’s spare,” Rocco chimes in. “Domenico only cares about Luca. He’s proved many times that his two youngest mean shit.”

Rocco would know all too well. My father was cruel to both of us, but he cared slightly more for my well-being because I was his heir. He groomed me to be everything he wanted and although he trained Rocco too, he also didn’t care much about anything relating to him.

I entertain the idea of Domenico stealing Angelo, but I have no idea what his motive would be. It’s his son and even if he’s temporarily working for the Outfit, he’s not one of us. Sure, he could use it to get to Liliana-but why? Getting to Liliana would still be sending a message to me and he has already done so by sabotaging me into believing my wife was on birth control.

If it’s one of my men in the Outfit, then he’s starting war with New York and also pissing me the hell off. So, who has a motive to hating the Famiglia in New York?

The Bratva is our best bet, the bastards don’t care who is from New York of Chicago. They see one of us and they kill. Angelo is likely dead. If they were trying to send a message then we should receive something soon to let us know they have him. Then that would give us our answer makes things easier.

But we have no message, no lead and no reason why anyone would take Angelo other than someone fucking around with us, and no telling how long he’s actually been gone for. Last I saw him was at the wedding.

Guests who came to Chicago from New York for the wedding were all people from the Ricci family. So there’s no motive. Who would kidnap a member of their own family-I could see maybe Luca? Or maybe there’s a cousin who wants to kill Angelo and Luca and then Domenico in order to be next in line for Capo.

I have Salvatore being up files on the Ricci family only to find out all the male cousins are on Angelo’s mother’s side. Domenico only had sisters who only had daughters. It’s a stretch and I haven’t heard rumors of anyone trying to overthrow the Ricci family.

I scan all possibilities in my mind and can only come to the logical conclusion that this must be the Bratva.

“Where’s the note? The message? They wouldn’t do anything without reason or without telling us. If they got Angelo, they’d want to rub it in our faces and maybe show us by sending body parts or pictures,” Vito is slumped in his chair working out his own logical reasoning.

Sal snaps his fingers, “Maybe Angelo wasn’t a move to get to us. Maybe the Bratva ran into Angelo by accident and he did something stupid to get himself killed or thrown in the lake.”

“It’s probable.” I rub at the stubble on my jawline. “So, where do we start.”