Love for the Librarian

Over the summer, Katelyn and I spend more time bonding. With neither of us in classes it is easier. We get to see Grace really blossom too. She is crawling now. I can’t believe how much she has become my world. I do still drift to Dylan’s social pages. I see that he is spending time with Kevin and he has little Riley with him too. I still see girls. They don’t seem to be prominent in his life though.

In the beginning of July we are sitting in the living room, watching Grace play, when Katelyn jumps up. “That’s it, we are going shopping.”

I look at her like she is possessed. “Excuse me.”

“You need to be done with those baggy clothes. It is time to start feeling better about yourself. It is time for a makeover. I am not saying that you need to dress like me, but something better than those baggy things. Plus Grace is growing out of her clothes. It is time for more.”

“Katelyn, it is too much to buy us both clothes. You know your parents are not going to be happy hearing how you are supporting me and my child.”

“Who said I was using their money? I have been investing. I have made a pretty good amount. Pretty soon I will be able to not use any of my parents’ money. So no more complaints and let’s get going.”

I think for a moment. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“Show me where you invest so I can too. I don’t want to be a freeloader. Then I can pay back my mom and you.”

Katelyn smiles, because this is not the first time that we have had this conversation, I have always said no. Secretly I know that she is right and I need to feel better about myself. Maybe then I can move on from Dylan. “Now we’re talking.” She grabs my hand and pulls me off the couch and soon the three of us are loaded in the car.

We first went for a haircut. I know my hair is in need of it. I haven’t had a hair cut in like three years. Usually I just go for a trim when I do get a haircut but this time I decide to let Katelyn decide. She decides to go with a shoulder length cut that has some layers in it. I decided that I like it. It really frames my face and best of all it looks pretty.

Already feeling better I start to get this high as Katelyn starts picking out clothes that she thinks will look good on me. I am glad that she is taking my comfort into the equation. She starts with some jeans that actually fit me. That makes me feel even better. I can’t believe how nice my ass looks in them. Now I am really feeling the high. Katelyn hands me a pile of clothes to try on and takes Grace to play with her. There were a few discards that I didn’t like. Like these really short cut offs. Or that top that barely covered my breasts. What I find that I really like is this dress style that she found. It is kind of retro, and a knee length skirt that flares and a bodice that hugs my skin, the shoulders are the only thing covered. It kind of has this swoop neck thing and it looks amazing with a thick belt.

After this discovery, of course Katelyn says I have to get some new shoes to go with it. I get a few different prints of the dress, but essentially it is the same dress. After she is done getting the shoes that she thinks will go good with my new clothes, we head to the baby department for Grace.

I swear they have the cutest baby clothes on the face of the planet. No wonder Katelyn can’t stop buying things for her. I find that I am throwing just as many things in the cart as her. After we are done I think we spent far too much money, but Katelyn shrugs it off and says, “It is worth it. You look so much happier. In this one instance money bought you some happiness.”

I laugh, “Thank you Katelyn. I will pay you back for all of this, you know that right?”

“Oh, I know. I keep a ledger.” She winks at me. I know it is a joke. I still feel bad, but I know my words are true. I will pay her back every cent.

With my new look I feel the need to start being healthier. I mean I have a baby that needs me around for a long time. I started researching diets and exercise programs. In no time at all I am hitting the in house gym that I have never stepped into before. I found some programs that step up gradually. So I know I am on the right track. Katelyn couldn’t be happier to see this change in me. She knows I needed the moral booster and she was happy to provide it.

When it hits August I get a call from Dylan. His calls are coming less frequently now. I think he is finally moving on. However when I answer his call I find that is not the case. “Hey, babe. I thought maybe you would come home over the summer. I missed you.”

“Yeah. I figured you were busy. Kevin was there. I saw that you met Alex.”

“Yeah, he is not a fan of mine. He punched me in the face.”

“That doesn’t sound like Alex. What happened?”

“We were talking about you. We were drinking. Then he said how I was an idiot to ever lose a girl like you. I got pissed and told him that wasn’t about to lose you. He said I already did. Then he said something about making sure that I never had you again. I got pissed and told him where he could shove it. I know we are meant to be together. Then he hit me.”

“Dylan, why is this even a topic of conversation? I mean I saw that you moved on.”

“No, not really. I mean sure I have gone on dates but none of them are clicking. They aren’t you. Please, I need you to come home. I miss seeing you. Please don’t tell me you are dating that guy.”

“If I was or wasn’t it wouldn’t be your concern. Dylan I think you and I both know that you are better off without me. I mean take this time to move on.”

I can hear the pain in his next words. “Have you moved on?”

“No Dylan, but I am getting to a place where I feel good about myself. I feel like I am worth something now. I don’t ever want to feel worthless again. I am not second best.”

“I am sorry I ever made you feel that way. I know you are not second best. You are the best for me.”

“Dylan as much as I like hearing that. I am scared that it isn’t true. I need more time. If that isn’t good enough for you, then take my advice and move on. Because before I can be any good for anyone else I have to be good for myself.”

“I understand. I love you and I will wait for you. Just if you decide to move on, let me know please. I want a chance to fight for you before you are gone forever. You know I would be there in a second if I thought it would bring you back to me. I want you by my side so freakin bad I can taste it.”

“Dylan I will let you know. As of right now I am doing me. You do you.”Belongs to (N)ôvel/Drama.Org.

“Baby, I love you. I hope to see you soon.” He ends the call. I think at this point he knows I won’t tell him that I love him back. I still like hearing him say it deep down.