Love Aint Always Pretty

Chapter 21: 21 Numinous

Numinous

- awed yet attracted; the powerful personal feeling of being overwhelmed and inspired

Origin: Latin

It was already midnight, almost one in the morning and I think Tracy is still at the frat party. She hasn't come back yet and I won't be worried cos I'm sure Nick is there with her. While as for myself, I'm busy reading this book and I'm already half way through after Nick borrowed it a while ago. The only light in my room was coming from the lampshade on my study table and this novel assigned to me is actually pretty good, despite the old English words used on this but it's amazing. I wish I could become one of New York's bestselling authors someday. All of a sudden my phone lights up right next to me and I quickly grabbed it.

A message from an unregistered number: Where are you?

Who's this? I replied.

Nick.

My heart raced and hands went cold as ice in a nanosecond. It's Nick.

How did you get my number? -Savannah

Robert. -Nick

Robert?? Who is Robert? -Savannah

I was kidding! Of course Tracy, who else? R u in the dorm? -Nick

Obviously. Where else would I be? Why? -Savannah

I was smiling and spurting little laughs while I was sending the message to Nick. I know we're both weird to each other. I wonder why he's texting me right now.

Can I come over? Right now? -Nick

Shit.

My eyes widened. Oh my god. Oh my god. Is he going to have sex with me right now? I quickly smelled my hair, it still smells good though. I tried smell my breath, it still smells mint. I smelled my armpit too and it smells fresh. Crap I haven't taken a shower before hitting the bed. I should've taken one a while ago! I haven't shaved too and I think my hair is growing down there and my legs. Oh goodness! Im getting nervous!

Why in hell am I nervous?!

Why are you coming over? -Savannah

You dropped your ID in my car. Now I have to drive it there since Tracy is already sleeping in my room. -Nick

That was the longest text he sent me since a while ago and I... Love it. It's weird I know but I love it. Every time I read his message it's like I'm hearing him saying it. This is so weird. I'm so weird.

Oh. Ok. I'll just be waiting for you to drop by then. -Savannah

Want something to eat? I can buy some midnight snacks for you before I give back your ID. -Nick

I smiled. He's changed. He is changing. He's unfolding a new side of Nick Wilde that Im currently starting to like it. Sweet though still impassive but at least he's showing a little care and thoughtfulness.

Anything will do. Thanks :) -Savannah

Ok. On my way. -Nick

Even on reading his message, I can still feel his coldheartedness.

But gosh my heart just really starts beating even harder right now than a while ago. I'm scared about the fact that he's coming. He's coming over at a time like this. I know he's just going to drop my ID here but why am I all fidgety? Why is my mind so bugged about it? Why am I nervous?

I feel like I can't even breathe right. God, my hands are still cold. I quickly put my hair down and stared at my reflection on my front cam. I look too bitchy. No, I'm putting my hair into a messy bun. I pulled my hair back up again and stared at myself on my phone once more. Longer than the usual. Better.

But I think it's sexier if my hair is down. I hope he'll get tempted by it.

My eyes narrowed.

Why did I say that? Why in hell am I worried of how I look? Why am I thinking about how to get him to notice me tonight? And why the hell am I thinking of doing him right now?

I slightly slapped my cheek to diss that thought. He's just going to drop off your ID Savannah. Don't get too flushed by your dirty thoughts. Don't get your hopes up. But if he motions of doing so, then don't say no. You signed up for this. You want this. I tell myself.

I tried to read again the novel from where I left it but it's no use. I'm just too excited that Nick is coming over. My mind just can't wait to see him even though I've seen him a while ago.

Around fifteen minutes have passed, a knock came by the door. A knock came in my fucking door. Good lord he's here. Oh god he's here. I quickly rushed to the door and exhaled before swinging it

open. Nick stands before me and smelled so freaking good as if he just got off the shower but his hair was dry. His got a box of pizza on one hand and a white plastic bag on the other.

"You can already pass as a delivery man." I teased while smiling at him.

I know he wants to smile but he just showed me a half grin. "And you could already pass as a stressed college kid but you're not half away through yet."

I ignored what he said cos I was focusing more on him and his face. God he's super handsome and why is he hotter at a time like this? Or maybe my hormones are starting to rage cos it's already dawn. Maybe my mind is playing games on me.

"You... Wanna come inside? I can't finish that box of pizza all to myself." I said.

He pauses. Is he doubting to come inside?

"Sure." He says.

I opened the door wide for him, "Why in hell is your room dark?"

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I forgot to turn on the lights before opening the door, acting as casual as I can. Now he's probably thinking I did that on purpose cos I want to screw him. Even though I really want to but gosh how can I be so clumsy when Nick is around? I quickly turned on the lights and tired to calm down.

"I was reading the book and the lamp on the study table was all I need." I said.

He didn't say a word and just looked at me.

"I'm conserving energy. I'm helping WSU. They should thank me for that actually." I answered, it was half true.

I hear him chuckle deeply on his throat and he closed the door.

"Just put those on the bed. My study table is full of stuff." I said.

Bed. Shit. Bed. I just offered him my bed. What are you thinking Savannah! Now he thinks even more that I really want it now. Why am I giving him mix signals that are all pointing to having sex with him?

Damn it Savannah stop being so paranoid. Of course he needs to put it on the bed cos your study table is not available and he'll understand. Just relax. Don't make him think you're thinking of what you shouldn't be thinking.

I watch Nick while I was heading to the study table to turn off the lampshade and he did what I told him to do. Everything was on my bed and he sits down as well. He stares at me eagerly as I walk closer to the bed. I take a seat right across him and his eyes are never leaving me.

It's awkward.

It's awkward as hell cos we're alone in a room on one bed at one in the morning.

"Let's eat?" I smiled even though I was tensed.

He opens the box of pizza and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I haven't had pizza for almost two weeks now and I quickly grabbed one for him then one for myself. We were just eating quietly and he ate the crust first then the pointed tip of the pizza. I love examining him when he's eating or he's doing something cos I can learn little things he likes and dislikes but what he does. He doesn't like to be asked so might as well be a keen observer.

I notice him that he was securing the plastic bag next to his lap.

"What's inside the plastic bag?" I asked, while munching.

"Drinks. And stuff that I need." He answered, not looking at me.

"Stuff that you need? Like hair gel? Deodorant? Shampoo?" I asked but he's just smiling at me.

"Wait." I hollered. "Why in hell did you do grocery at a time like this?"

He chuckled and glanced at me. "I didn't do grocery not at a time like this, no."

"What are those drinks then?"

"Take a guess. Maybe I have it inside." He smirked.

"Hmm... Water?" I asked.

He pouts while slightly moving his heads sideways.

He just pouted.

God that was so cute!

"Nope." He answered.

"Soda. That's gotta be soda. Sodas always matches pizza." I blurted.

He pulled out two cans of sodas from the plastic bag but I can still see that stuff he's saying. It's a box, I think. I can't see it clearly though but it sure does look like a box. I'm so curious of what's inside. He's hiding it. Clearly. Holy hell what if it's a box of unprescribed drugs?

I watch him as he take his second slice of pizza and I quickly snatched the plastic bag from beside him when he wasn't looking at it. His eyes flared momentarily.

"Hey. Give it back Savannah." He said, putting down the pizza he grabbed.

I pulled it back away from him. "What's wrong if I take a look at it?"

He sighs.

I quickly opened the plastic bag and I bursted into laughter when I saw it. I look at him and he was holding the back of his neck. Awe, he's shy. I love it when Nick is shy in front of me. I pulled it out from the plastic bag and wiggled it in front of him.

"A box of condom?" I smirked.

I placed it back inside.

"The one from my wallet has expired already." He says.

I laughed softly.

"And I think I need a lot of those for us to use days from now." He answered.

Us.

I like how he called me and him as us. I felt like we were a real couple, like we were a real thing when he said that but no we can't be more than what we have now. We're not allowed to fall. I'm not allowed to fall.

I smiled. "Ohh, Nick Wilde is shy now. Your cheeks are blushing."

"I'm not shy." He takes a bite from his pizza while gazing at me.

I read the label of the box and my eyes widened when I saw the size, large. He quickly snatched it from my hand. I think he saw my eyes flaring when I read the label. I gazed at him and we continued eating. He opened one can for me and he opened the other for himself.

I kept gazing at his crotch and I know I was being a maniac but after reading that label, I was starting to get more curious of how it looks. Christ Savannah, what in the world are you thinking right now?

Mental face palm.

One slice was left after both of us felt full to our stomach. Nick and I cleaned up a little and as usual we were both quiet. I wanted to talk to him, probably ask anything but then I don't want to annoy him. I don't want him to think I'm so annoying. I didn't know that he already came back to the room after throwing the trashes out, I was unknowingly on top of my bed, fixing my bedsheets bending my ass over facing the door until I hear a closing sound of the door behind me. I looked over my shoulder and he was standing and watching me. I quickly sat back down on the bed from that awkward position I just did and his eyes were leering right at me as if I was his food that he wants to eat.

We just ate Nick.

I was expecting him that he'll leave that's why I was fixing my bed. Shit. I'm giving him signals again that I want to bed him. I don't really want to be the one initiating and who does a motive for asking sex. I don't want to sound so desperate for it.

He walks closer to me and my poor little heart is beating faster and faster and faster with every steps he's taking. He stands before me and leans forward. Holy crap is he gonna kiss me? His face is too close. Oh my goodness! His cold winter blue eyes locking with mine and both of us didn't blink for probably ten seconds. He takes a hold of the box of condom that was right next to me. Breathe Savannah. Don't let him show that you're nervous.

He's too close

It's too quiet.

It's too awkward.

His eyes now looking at my lips and his hands resting on my waist. "Nervous?"

He already noticed. He can sense it.

Nick moves even closer now, just a little more and his lips will already land on mine. Just a little tiny space in between my lips from his lips. I can already feel his breathing on my face and I feel his hand moving up slowly on my side. Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

Breathe Savannah.

Breathe.

Just breathe.

"Will you let me... touch you tonight?" He asks almost in a whispering voice.

I nod.

I nod again but a little faster.

"Answer me. I want a justifiable answer from you." He told me.

"Yes." I croaked.

He brushes his thumb on my cheek.

"But I'm nervous." I said out.

"Why?"

"This thing we're going to do isn't about to be discussed or arranged. It's suppose to be heated and neither of us knows what will happen until it happens." I explained.

He smiles. "My intention was just dropping off your ID and the pizza then leave you one can of soda but you let me in. So I guess it counts."

I smirked. "Was it really your intention?"

"Okay I admit. I wanted to do it now too."

"The box of condom is the evidence."

He exhales. I think he's thinking that I'm having second thoughts about doing this with him now but honestly I don't.

"We can take this slow then. It doesn't have to be tonight." He said, pulling his body away from me.

"No." I blurted, pulling him back in.

His eyebrows creasing.

Those contrastingly blue eyes are gonna be the death of me.

"We'll do it tonight. Now. We're already here. I want it. I'm craving for you." I said.

He's smiling cos I said I'm craving for him. But I do. I do crave for him, so much.

"Are you sure?" He sounded concerned.

I nod. "Yes Nick."

"I want this to be good for you." He says.

My heart is melting.

"I want our first night to be memorable at least. For you." He added.

Our first night.

I just literally killed myself. No, Nick is killing me with his unnoticed sweet words that he's saying to me and I'm putting meanings on it. I'm smitten by it. By him.

His eyes were looking around the bed. He's not looking at me. He's shy. "But if I don't last long the first round, I'll make it up for the next few minutes. That'll be embarrassing for me but--"

"Nick." I cut him off as I hold his cheeks.

He looks up at me.

"I don't care about how long you will last or how quick you'll come. I just want you inside me right now." I said.

Where did I ever learn to say those words?

Nick is smiling. I'm making Nick smile.

"Alright. God Savannah you make it hard for me to breathe." He says.

You don't even know what you're doing to me Nick. If I'm making you hard to breathe, then what you're doing to me is much worst than that.

__________

SFTC:

Transatlanticism - Death Cab For Cutie