Lonely Bride

Finally, I Am Tired

I do not want to go to my house right now; I need to be alone.

I text Sam. I will not be back tonight, so do not worry. I will be home tomorrow morning.

They both know that sometimes I will not be alone, and I have my hidden place, which no one knows.

Yes, I am secretive, and I like to be like that. I do not like to share everything with everyone. Few things are too personal, I guess.

‘I told the driver the address, and he looked at me weirdly, but dude, you are going to get your money, so drive the car and do not look at me.’ I thought.

In 45 minutes of the drive, we reached a place far away from the city, and he stopped the car in front of a small house surrounded by a forest. There is not even a single house other than this.

It is a silent place.

I paid the driver more than the ride amount and noticed a pleased look on his face.

Nodding towards him, I went inside my small house.

Once inside, enter the gate and be welcomed by a small garden. I open the door to my small living room, an open kitchen, and one bedroom. Just like the house, I stayed for almost a year.

I kept my bag by my side and sat on the couch.

Yes, I miss that house, and that is the reason I made this house just like it was there. I try to keep all the colours and the decor the same. Somehow, it gives me a homily feeling.

Home?

I started laughing at this thought like a manic

Which home, Sarah?

The one that your husband said is his house, and you must stay there the way he wants? My mind mocked.

That house was never mine.

He had never been there.

Let us not forget the time when you stayed up the whole night looking at the ceiling.

Let us not forget that you never switch off your light due to fear of darkness.

Let us not forget the time when you did not utter a single word for weeks because there was no one to talk to.

Let us not forget that no one came when you were burning with fever to take care of you.

Let us not forget eating alone, sitting alone, sleeping alone, and doing everything alone.

Tears are continuously flowing from my eyes, thinking about my past.

A painful past.

Why, God, am I alone?

Why do I not have anyone I can love?

Why do I not have anyone who loves me?

Am I that bad?

When will this get over?

Why can’t you call me Mama?

I want to come to you. Tell me, mama, tell me.

I do not want to live anymore. Call me Mama, please.

I cry as loud as I can. I know no one will hear me here.

Today, at the age of 24, I finally gave up all hope.

I hope to live.

I hope to become someone and make myself proud.

I hope to be loved.Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

Sean’s entry broke all my strength to the core.

Today, his touch awakens the desire I have buried somewhere deep inside my heart.

Today, I felt how unwanted I was.

How unwanted I am!

I still remember the hatred in his eyes on our wedding day.

Today’s meeting made me feel cheap.

It made me feel like someone whom no one desires in their life.

Today, I felt cursed.

I am finally tired.

I cannot fight anymore to live.

I cried and cried. I do not know how long.

Dear best friends,

You both came into my life like the first rays of the sun.

I have never told you, but you both have a special place in my heart and always will.

I just wanted to say I love you both from the bottom of my heart.

You both are the only ones I have in my life.

Thank you so much for always being there with me.

Always shine like a star.

Love,

Sarah

I kept my phone aside and looked at the stuff in my hand.

I smiled looking at that. Finally, I am coming, mama.”

And I closed my eyes.

***

I woke up hearing a beeping sound. I opened my eyes and closed my back due to too much light, kept my hand on my eyes, and felt pain in my hand.

I slowly again tried to open my eyes and look at my hand, which was painting like a bitch and was connected to so many wires.

Wow, so heaven also has these?

I looked around and saw a white room with light blue curtains, and a few machines were beeping nearby.

It looks like some hospitals have hospitals as well.

I was looking at everything and trying to register each and everything nearby me and looking to get a glimpse of my mama or my grandparents, but I could not see them.

Where are they? I thought.

Suddenly I heard the unlocked sound, looked towards the sound, and saw the person I was not expecting in heaven.

MY DAD

What is he doing here? As far as I remember, he was fit and fine until a few days ago.

I was looking at him without blinking my eyes, and he was looking at me with hatred in his eyes.

‘Well, I expect nothing else from you, dad, other than hatred.’ I thought.

He came toward me and sat near my bed. If looks could kill, I would be six feet under by now.

“How are you feeling?” Did he ask me with his topmost disgust?

I was looking at him and still trying to understand what was happening here.

“I heard you are not well, so I thought to see when you would die.” Hearing this, I got a tear in my eyes and a lump in my throat, but again, I said nothing.

“If you tried hard, you could’ve succeeded, but as usual, you are useless and cannot do anything properly.”

‘Oh, so I am alive. I instantly regarded myself as being alive. I am still in this disgusting world where no one wants me.’

“So, when will your next attempt be?” He asked, blazing in anger.

I do not know whether he is sad to see me alive or happy.

I cannot even say how delighted I am to see you again. He spoke again, and with that, a small hope I had in my heart that he was concerned about me died.

I wanted to speak, but my throat was completely dry. I cannot even say anything.

He got up from his seat and said, “Make sure you do not let the situation come where I must see you again.”

What do you not want to see again, Mr. William?” I heard a voice I did not want to hear again.

***