It Happened Last Year

I was feeling the alcohol now, my head spinning as we sat together on his bed. He shushed me quietly then gripped the bottom of my shirt. My face flushed and I quickly held my clothing down, stopping him from pulling it up.

What’s the matter? He asked.

I didn’t know what to tell him. I was a virgin, I didn’t know the routine he did. All in one night I had had my first flirtatious conversation, my first kiss, and then make out. He wanted more, and I ran out of ideas. How was I supposed to tell the most popular, most attractive guy in school that I wasn’t ready, even though he wanted to?

I want to go back to the party, I lied, I need to find my friends. They wanted to meet up-

My eyes shot to the clock. It read: 10:57.

They wanted to meet up at eleven, I finished.

He pulled away. Come on, Hailey, let’s have some fun. You’ll like it, I promise, Harrison said.

He didn’t listen when I told him to stop. Harrison didn’t listen.

“Hailey?”

I swallow, looking at Daniel. “I need to find Jana-”

Daniel stops me as I try to walk past. “No, you don’t. Now tell me what’s bothering you.”

Staying quiet, I cannot find the right words to say, and this doesn’t settle with Daniel.

“What did he do to you?”

I bite the inside of my cheek.

“What did Harrison do, Hailey?”

“You don’t get to know both,” I say, confusing him for a moment. “You don’t get to know both of them.”

“Your secrets?” He asks.

I nod.

Daniel pauses as if he’s contemplating something, and then he looks at me in a certain way. I know then that he knows. Just from that one look, Daniel is telling me that he’s figured it out. Why I don’t like to swim, why I don’t drink, my reckless driving, my crying, he’s figured it out. I hate that he has.

I wonder what tipped him over. Were the unusual responses, the uncomfortable reactions, the hesitation, my sudden panic over such a little thing? I could have controlled, maybe, if he didn’t catch me off guard. It is a quick regret, I let down my walls without realizing it. I should have smiled and walked into the party, he would have followed and none of this would have happened.

Or maybe he already knew, maybe he was simply waiting for the right time to let me know.

“Did he-”

“Stop asking me questions!” I shout, loud enough to cause Jana and Taylor to come peeking down the hall.

They look between us, then Daniel walks past them, determined. Jana watches him briefly then looks at me with wide eyes. “What the hell happened?”

With a red face full of frustration, I fight to speak at all. “Stop him,” I tell Jana, but her and Taylor don’t understand. “Stop him. He knows were Harrison lives! He’s going to get himself arrested!”

I push past them, rushing into the living room then out the back door. I spot Jordan walking with Daniel out the back gate, asking why he’s leaving. “Take his keys,” I call to Jordan, and he looks back at me before stepping in front of Daniel. The party stops abruptly, everyone outside watching along with Jana and Taylor staring from the door.

I walk up to them, angry. Daniels keys are tight in his grasp, but I grab them from him.

And just like that, my fantasy is over.

I don’t know how long I thought it would last. When Daniel kissed me at the track, I wanted it to last forever, but I knew that wasn’t realistic. It was too easy for him to find out, and I would never have imagined giving him all the clues myself. I thought maybe someone at school would say something and he would overhear it, or maybe Harrison would tell him as he was being hit repeatedly.

Now I have to go back to reality, back to barely making it by. Daniel made me excited, and now that’s all gone, it’s all over.

I want to leave. I want to run away to Florida, back to Lila and the okay version of myself. I want my Dad, not my Mom. I want to go back, but he’s not there anymore. I want to go back, but that’s not an option for me.Ccontent © exclusive by Nô/vel(D)ra/ma.Org.

Everyone’s eyes are on me, I hate it, so I push past Daniel and Jordan, leaving through the back gate. I have his keys-not knowing what to do with them-so I keep them in my hold as I storm to my car.

“You’re not driving,” Daniel shouts at me, hurrying over.

“You’re not my Dad. Stop telling me what I can and can’t do,” I yell back, unlocking the door and sliding in. Suddenly, Daniel opens the passenger door and climbs in.

“Here,” I toss his keys at him, “now get out of my car.”

“You’re being irrational.”

“I’m being irrational? You almost stormed off to do God knows what to Harrison, almost getting yourself arrested.”

Daniel looks at me intensely. “What he did-”

“You know nothing about what he did. Now get out, and never talk to me again.” He doesn’t seem to understand me, looking confused which only upsets me more. “Don’t pretend to be confused. Don’t pretend like you still care. It was fun while it lasted, right? Sorry you wasted your time.”

Daniel doesn’t get out of the car, and I do not understand why. I told him that he’s off the hook, I told him that he’s free to go without hurting my feelings. That is, at least I am trying to not look hurt by this.

“You think that because of this I’m not interested in you anymore?” He asks, catching me off guard, causing me to question all I have convinced myself to believe. “You do, don’t you?”

What am I supposed to say? Well, yeah? Anyone would be. I’m damaged goods. No one has time for my issues, no one is that patient. Maybe that’s why my father moved to Canada, maybe he needed a break from it all.

He needed a break from me, and eventually, so will Daniel. There is no point in trying.

My fantasy is over, and I just want to move on.