In Love With My Boyfriend’s Brother

Tracy came to talk to me, we talked for a while, but soon she was requested elsewhere, and I told her I would be fine. After a while, I decide to go outside to breathe better because I think people in here are already more than drunk. I go to a private part, a little dark, but I can see some people skateboarding, and I like being here without anyone trying to make me feel “comfortable. Some time later, I see that Yan also appears on the skateboarding track. I watch him there and see that he really belongs here, he looks so good when he is with his skateboard. I sit for a while, lean my head back and close my eyes. Furthermore, I imagine how good it would be if I had never gotten under those sheets with him that morning, if I had never allowed myself to be attracted to him, if I had never gone to bed with him? Everything would be so much easier for everyone. But I can no longer change all this and all this anxiety that I feel when I’m near him. Much less, this desire that insists on making my legs ache every time I remember his mouth on my body… I take a deep breath, I think the alcohol is already making me a little airborne, but it doesn’t make what I’m feeling goes away. I clench my legs, take a deep breath, push my feathers against each other again, and my hands clench my dress… Furthermore, I whimper. “Yan…” “I’m interrupting?” I open my eyes and straighten up. Yan is looking at me with his usual smile. I hope he didn’t see or hear anything. I’m red. Likewise, I’m sure. Not only that, but I stand up and say in utter bewilderment: “Interrupts what?” He just raises his eyebrows and continues to smile as he says: “I don’t know, I just asked a question.” “Nothing. You didn’t interrupt anything. I just needed to get some fresh air.” I answer and stop facing him because something in his eyes tells me that he does know that he interrupted something, and my stomach twists at the thought. He comes closer,, and I hate to change the way I breathe as soon as he leans in close to me. I disguise it. “Where is Tracy?” He knows I am looking for a subject that is not about us and about here. “She’s on her sixth or tenth shot. So, I let her have some fun with her friends.” I end up laughing. We look some more at some boys doing maneuvers. Then I ask: “How did you find me here?” He turns to me and says: “I came following a wonderful perfume and a very sexy black dress.” I swallow because he is looking at me that way again, as if he is seeing me naked. But he doesn’t stop there, he continues: “And if I had kept my mouth shut, maybe I would have seen her satisfy herself, while speaking my name.” I freeze. I stop breathing. Furthermore, I pull myself together. Shit! Likewise, I just say: “Yan you can’t tell me these things. You know how I feel.” I’m about to turn away from him and walk away when he says: “I don’t really know.” I turn around and he continues: “You never really told me. You always make faces and mouths and take deep breaths.” He laughs and continues: “But you never told me how you feel.” He looks at me. Is he challenging me? From the look in his eyes and the smile, it looks like he is. I take courage, perhaps from the alcohol ingested earlier, and walk towards him. I step closer to his face and say: “Do you really want to know how I feel?” He looks surprised and just shakes his head in agreement. I smile and place my hand on his chest. I lower my eyes to my hand as I slowly move down, and I can notice how his breathing has changed, and I can also feel his heart racing. Furthermore, I like this. My hand moves down and stops where I find his boxer shorts. I look at him again, and he raises his eyes and looks at me. He doesn’t have that smile anymore. He seems under control, under my control. I love it. I run my index finger along a horizontal line twice before finding the button of his pants and slowly opening it. He lifts his face and closes his eyes. He is hard, I can feel it through the fabric of his jeans. I end up smiling to myself. I slowly slip my hand inside his boxer shorts and Then I pull my hand away from him, he opens his eyes and I say: “that’s how I feel.” He just stares at me. I turn and walk away when I feel a hand around my waist. When I look back, he has already pulled me in, and we are inches apart. The next thing I know, his lips are on mine. I even intend to push him away from me, but the way he is holding me and the way his tongue is lapping at my mouth, is making me want him to stop every second. So, I finally stop holding his arm tightly and let my body slowly soften as my mouth follows the rhythm of his. It’s horrible to admit that I always wanted to experience his kiss, whenever I saw him kissing other girls. I wanted to know what it was like to have on mine, those lips that he bites so hard when he smiles. And as I imagine those lips are on mine, and they are softer and more addictive than I imagined, I end up moaning softly, which makes him squeeze me even tighter against his body. I wanted to avoid thinking about so many things, but I feel that this kiss is something more intimate than anything we’ve ever had before,, and I didn’t want it to mess with me that much. So, I enjoy it while trying not to think about how this shouldn’t be happening. He then walks away slowly, his eyes closed. I stare at him, I’m unresponsive now. He opens his eyes and says with a sincerity I’ve never seen before: “I’m sorry.” It doesn’t sound like a question, but like a request that requires no answer. He needs me to do this. But I feel that this time I can’t do it. He broke the only barrier we had, and I allowed it. Not only am I hating him now, I’m hating myself for it. “Yan! There you are!” Tracy arrives accompanied by two girls, and they are laughing loudly. We turn away from each other, but I see out of the corner of my eye that as they approach, he is still looking at me, he looks sad. I want to say something, but currently I have too much to process in my mind and I choose silence. Tracy and the girls arrive, and she holds his arm as he puts a smile back on his face. I just can’t decipher if it’s real, at least it doesn’t look like it. They follow and as soon as they realize that I am not following them, Tracy turns and says to me: “Come on, Sky!” I just say: “I’m coming, I’ll be right there.” Yan looks at me again and then looks away. I put my best smile on my face, and she accepts. They go on, I stay. I know that once this drink wears off, I’ll really regret what I did.Ccontent © exclusive by Nô/vel(D)ra/ma.Org.

I stare for a while at the skate track ahead. Furthermore, I take a deep breath. What am I going to do now? Everything is so wrong for me that I reserve the right not to think about anything now. Just watch for a while longer, until I get up the courage to go inside and ask someone to take me home. I pick up my cell phone and there is a message from Matt. “Matt: Megan went to get the pizza.” Minutes later, there’s another one. “Matt: Where are you?” It’s from a while ago. Damn it! I say to myself. I type back: “Me: Hi, sorry, I didn’t see your message before.” I wait, but I don’t get an answer. I look at the clock, it’s 1:30 in the morning. Furthermore, I guess I’ll have to go back to that party over there if I want someone to take me home. … I find everyone gathered near the makeshift bar, and thank heaven I don’t have to walk into the middle of that dance floor to look for them. Tracy is sitting on Yan’s lap while drinking something colorful and laughing. I approach her and say, avoiding direct contact with Yan, who also does the same: “Could someone drive me home?” Kyle readily offers. Just as I thank him, Yan says: “I’ll take you.” Then we look at each other and I really want to say that I’d rather go with Kyle, but Yan completes: “I swear I didn’t drink anything, and Tracy and her friends are going too.” I breathe more, relieved that I won’t have to be in his company alone. Tracy gets up and asks: “Where are we going?” Yan gets close to her ear and says something that makes her happy. He dances off with his friends toward the exit. I follow Yan who is right behind the girls. Tracy goes in the front seat with him and me with her friends in the back. I wish I could not see his lips in the rearview mirror.