In Love With My Boyfriend’s Brother

I slowly lower myself down, as we fit together, I slowly move up and down a few times. He has his eyes closed and his mouth ajar, and knowing that I can leave him like this is the limit for me. I stand up again, he holds my waist even tighter and moves his hands down my buttocks, he squeezes there making me let out a few louder moans, I can’t control myself anymore. I move faster and feel him squeeze me even harder and I look at him and he says: “Please don’t do this…” I question: “This what?” “I’m falling in love with you.” I swear I didn’t expect to hear that. He stands up, coming right up to me, and we are panting in rhythm with each other. He then turns me over, making me lie on the bed and when he comes back, he goes deep slowly a few times and then speeds up his movements. Making us climax almost at the same time. He then stands over me, as our breaths slowly return to normal. My nails are digging into his back and I slowly ease my touch. He lowers his body to the side and we stare up at the ceiling. He runs his hand over his eyes. I mentally ask myself: “How will I ever be able to forget this?” I’m still staring at the ceiling when Yan pulls out a sheet to cover us. I hold the sheet tightly, covering myself, as if it doesn’t feel good to have my skin exposed. But I really don’t know how I feel. There are so many things I prefer not to think about it now, so I choose not to think about anything. I feel Yan turn to me as I stare at the ceiling. He stares at me for a while, then I feel his finger slide slowly across the skin of my left arm. I grip even tighter against my body, the sheet I’m holding to cover me all the way down to my breasts. Seconds later, I turn to him only to find that he has fallen asleep. I look at him for a while, his hair is messy and somehow that makes him look adorable, then I lower my eyes to his hand that is under my arm. Furthermore, I slowly pull away and place his hand slowly next to my arm. I get out of bed making as little noise as possible, but I guess that’s irrelevant, considering that he seems to be sleeping. I look around the room for my clothes and turn the doorknob slowly. Not only that, but I open the door to Matt’s room. I put my clothes on the bed and go straight to the shower. The hot water pours over my body, it’s as if I need to wash something off me, but I’m not sure what it is. I take my robe, dry myself off and go to bed. I put on my pajamas and sit on the bed and start to cry. Likewise, I wipe the tears away, but others follow. I am sobbing and I can’t decipher why I feel this way. I don’t know if it’s because of what I just did, or if it’s because of Matt, or if it’s because I liked what I did, or maybe if it’s because I left Yan without saying anything…. … I wake up and look at the clock, it’s seven in the morning. I grab my clothes that are no longer soaked from yesterday’s rain and get dressed. I walk past his room and by the silence in the apartment I know he is probably still sleeping. I grab my cell phone and call a cab. It’s strange that I still can’t think very well about what happened. After crying yesterday, I woke up today feeling strangely better. Maybe Yan really is right and everything will be normal now. I choose to think like this. … Furthermore, I get home and decide to put some books on the bookshelf, then start folding some clothes that were on the clothesline. I also pick out some other clothes to wash. Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

I just want to keep my mind busy and it works because as soon as I finish I see that it is already noon. I am hungry, but at the same time lazy to cook. I decide to take a walk to the mall and get something to eat there. … After looking at some shop windows without much interest, I go to the food court and order a sandwich and fries. I hear someone say my name while I’m putting the sauce on the fries: “Isn’t that Sky?” I raise my eyes instinctively at hearing my name and I run into Kyle, a girl with the ends of her hair dyed red and… Yan. I hold my breath for a moment. It really wasn’t in my plans to meet him today. My eyes catch his. He looks a little uncomfortable and if I didn’t know him well, I would say he even looks a little shy. They come over to me. Kyle greets me and I give my best smile back. The girl also says hello and finally Yan approaches and says hello, I smile back. His colleagues are holding the menu in their hands. Kyle has the girl with the red hair on his lap, and they’re saying something about ordering for everyone at the skate park. But Yan is still standing in front of me. He has one hand in the pocket of his black jeans and the other hand is running through his hair, while he answers that this might be something Kyle asked. He looks at me once more and a girl with long black hair comes in smiling and entwines her arm in his arm. He smiles at her, and she walks toward Kyle and the girl. She doesn’t even notice my presence. That’s better. I go back to my potatoes. I decide not to raise my eyes anymore. But then I feel someone sitting next to me on the small couch that goes around the table. He sits very close to me, the smell of his perfume denounces his arrival even before it happens. I take a deep breath and look at him to show him that it’s okay, that nothing will happen if we get close again, that I feel okay about what happened, that it’s not just him who can handle it. But as soon as I look into his face so close to mine, I feel that trying to prove this to him was a bad idea.