If You Want Me (The Toronto Terror Series)

“My calves are so tight,” Tally announces. She’s lying on the living room floor of Hemi’s apartment with her legs stretched against the wall, index fingers wrapped around her big toes.All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

“You are ridiculously flexible,” Rix observes.

“And sore. We practiced for four hours yesterday, and we still didn’t get the routine down.” She does a backwards somersault and crosses her legs, sitting upright. “But we’re close. I just want a strong finish to my senior year.” Tally attends an arts school and is a competitive dancer. Outside of attending hockey games, school, and spending time with us, that takes up most of her spare time.

“You’ve got this,” Hemi says with conviction. “We can’t wait to see you kill it.”

“You don’t all have to come,” Tally says.

“Pfft.” Hemi makes a circle motion with her finger to encompass our group. “We’re your Babe Brigade. We will support you one-hundred-and-ten percent, one hundred percent of the time.”

“This,” I agree.

“Does that mean you’ll come visit me in the dorms next year?” Tally asks cheekily.

“Oh girl, we’re moving you in,” Dred says.

“I’m kind of super excited for you,” Rix adds.

“Speaking of university, have you heard back yet about that program you applied for?” I ask Rix.

She shakes her head. “Not yet. But I applied late, and there’s a waitlist, so we’ll see.” After much prodding from Tristan, Rix finally applied to the food and nutrition program at the university in Toronto. “But I am taking another class with Eliza Van Horn this spring, so it’s something.”

“I hope you get in so we can be in university together,” Tally says.

Rix smiles. “That would be a lot of fun.”

“Frankly, I can’t wait for you to graduate, so you can finally become my full-time assistant.” Hemi points a finger at me.

“I still have to apply for the position, though.”

“You’re the perfect candidate,” Shilpa assures me.

I voice one of my major concerns. “I just don’t want it to look like I got it because of my dad.” I keep the part about dating a player to myself.

“You have literally stepped into the role this semester by handling all aspects of planning one of our biggest charity events. You are so very qualified. But if you think it would be better to work somewhere else, I’ll understand,” Hemi says gently.

“I looked at other options for my internship, and other job postings, in case the position doesn’t pan out, but honestly, I just want to be part of the Terror.”

“It makes sense to me,” Shilpa says. “I was already married to Ash when I joined the organization, but they’re very much your family.”

“Yeah.” I run my hands up and down my legs, considering what it will be like to work for the team while also being involved with Hollis. It feels impossible that it could actually happen. All the lying and hiding and sneaking around has felt so necessary up until now. And with so many pivotal things happening in my life, I can’t imagine how my dad will handle all the secrets I’ve been keeping from him these past months. The potential fallout makes me feel sick.

“You worried about something else?” Hemi eyes my anxious hands.

I glance at Rix, who gives me an encouraging nod. These are my best friends. If I can’t tell them, who can I tell? “You all have to swear on the health of your lady parts that what I’m about to tell you stays here with us.”

Rix already knows. Mostly because my bedroom smelled like latex and vagina and there were an unreasonable number of used condoms in my garbage. Also, Tristan talked to Rix after he caught Hollis shirtless in our apartment. She assured me he won’t say anything. He doesn’t want to be present when my dad loses his mind.

“Is everything okay?” Hemi’s unease is evident in the slant of her brow.

“Yeah. No. I just need you all to promise it doesn’t leave this space.”

They all promise.

I swallow my nerves. “It’s about Hollis.”

The team is on a two-game away series, due back tomorrow. Prior to them leaving, Hollis and I had sex every day and even fit in a sleepover. Sex with him is a heart, mind, and full-body experience, and I’m totally addicted to the high. My vagina and the rest of me misses him. We’ve been texting nonstop, and those kitty cams are being used for a lot more than monitoring the kitties.

“Oh my God, are you pregnant with his baby?” Hemi asks.

“What? No! What the fuck? The last thing I would do is repeat that piece of history. My dad would lose his mind if I made him a grandpa at forty.”

“You’re older than he was, but I understand.” Hemi crosses one leg over the other. “Proceed.”

“I think he’s in love with you,” Shilpa announces.

Rix nods in agreement.

“Uh, I don’t know about that.” He is definitely in deep like and lust with me. I’m for sure a hundred percent in love with him, though. Thinking about him gives me butterflies. He also sent me flowers after our first night together. They’re in my bedroom. It’s an extravagant bouquet. Yesterday he sent me chocolates.

“He looks at you the same way Ash looks at me,” Shilpa adds.

That’s news to me—and a bit worrying that other people have noticed this, even though Ash and Shilpa are couple goals. He looks at Shilpa like she hung the moon and stars for him. “Right, okay.”

Rix gives me an I-told-you-so look.

“You’re finally a thing, aren’t you?” Hemi asks. I hear the trepidation in her voice.

“Are you secretly dating?” Tally’s eyes are wide.

“Yes, sort of. Just until exams are over, though. Then we plan to date openly.” I wring my hands, then sit on them.

“That’s what? A few weeks from now? Why keep it a secret at all?” Dred asks.

“I have final projects and exams, and the gala, and Hollis got cleared to practice with the team again.” We celebrated that with the team at the Watering Hole and then later, just the two of us. “I want a few things off my plate before we tell my dad.” I bite the inside of my cheek, glancing around the room.

Rix has already expressed her concern with this plan. Shilpa makes a face, but Tally nods in understanding. Dred purses her lips, and Hemi sighs.

“It’s just a few weeks,” I assure them.

“Aside from breaking his no dating players rule, is this because Roman won’t be okay with his best friend dating his daughter?” Hemi lays it on the table, as is her way.

“He’s a little overprotective,” I say defensively. I’m terrified of his reaction. The more I think about it, the worse my anxiety gets.

“But won’t he be less okay when he finds out you’ve been hiding it from him?” Dred asks.

“This.” Rix crosses her arms.

“I don’t want the stress of him losing his mind when I have exams. I’ll have a perfect record if I make the dean’s list this semester, which will only help my resume for the assistant position.” They sound like excuses, even to me. But I’m half a percentage point from losing my place. My dad is so freaking proud that I’ve made it every semester. It would feel like letting him down. And me and Hollis will be enough of a blow.

“The dean’s list is a nice bonus. But you’ve already proven you’re more than capable of handling the assistant position,” Hemi says. “Maybe officially dating before you get the position would be better? Shilps, cover your ears.”

Shilpa looks at Hemi as she speaks. “I’m not saying that could be a work around, but I’m also not saying that dating him before you have the job would be infinitely better when it comes to policy and paperwork. Because this is not legal advice and I never said any of this, okay?”

“Right. I never heard you or anyone suggest anything to avoid paperwork or corporate rules.” A deep sigh escapes me. “I just don’t feel like saying anything right now makes sense. The gala is next weekend, though. I don’t want this to overshadow the event. I worked too hard to make this mine to have it all blow up in my face because of who I’m dating.”

“You think Roman would be that upset?” Shilpa asks.

“Maybe? Probably. I don’t know. But my birthday is this weekend, and my mom is coming to visit. There’s just a lot.” I love my mom, and time with her always makes me miss her. It also reminds me that I was too much for her to take care of and that my dad had to make sacrifices for my well-being. It’s a weird cycle.

“And then the team is heading into playoffs. There’s so much going on. What if my dad freaks out and it screws up his game? What if it costs them the playoffs?” I’ve had terrible dreams the past couple of nights where they lose. Because of me. My dad has given up so much for me, and he’s so excited about this season and the potential for Toronto to make it to the end. To screw the team out of a potential Cup win, especially this close to the end of my dad’s career… The guilt would be crushing. What if my dad blames me? What if I hurt him so badly he won’t talk to me or Hollis anymore? The shame spiral is too overwhelming.

“What if he’s totally fine with it?” Shilpa asks.

I give her a look. “Considering I’ve only ever had one hard and fast rule and that’s to never date a player, I just can’t see it. Especially because that player is also his best freaking friend.”

“As someone who appreciates the importance of rules, I’ll also point out that you’re an adult. And that the longer you wait, the more difficult it will be,” Shilpa says gently, echoing Tristan.

“We just need a little time,” I assure them. “We’ll get through the gala and exams. Then we’ll tell my dad.”