His Soul & His Shame

"Yo! What was so important that you called me and asked me to meet you?" Joanna grumbled out, still annoyed that I disturbed her introverted time with herself.

"Woah! You don't have to be so mean to me, you know!" I muttered slowly trying to make her feel guilty and it worked. Her face softened which was gloomy. A big grin spread across my face.

"Okay, so where are we going?" she asked with a small smile. I know I am going to change her mood again by telling her about the news that I am going away for the internship. There is a lot of time in our university but still, I can't stay here where I will be getting hurt. I just can't face him, especially after he brutally broke my heart.

"You need to stop the car somewhere before I can tell you anything," I said, not meeting her eyes. I heard her gasp.

"Don't tell me you are pregnant!" it's my turn to gasp at her words. My mouth is still wide open with my eyes wide like saucers.

"How can you think that? Joanna!" I yelled out, striking her arm with my palm.

"Ouch! Stop! It hurts!" she yelled out rubbing her arm to soothe the pain. I haven't even struck her that hard. She is so dramatic and I am going to miss her drama in that big city where I will be alone.

"Stop being a drama queen and listen! I have no choice but to choose this for myself, Joanna!" she looked at me with her rare soft gaze melting me under her gaze. I know she thinks of me as a sister and will do anything for me. "You are scaring me now, Fay!" she turned her body towards me and took my hand in her seeing the tears glazing in my eyes.

"I am going to New York!" I whispered out and I knew she heard me from the firm grip on my hand. She hadn't even weighed this option in her head. Her body is still and her head is still repeating my words, that's why she hasn't reacted yet. We had never been apart, like Ezra, Joanna is also my friend from childhood but they never were close to each other.

"W...What? Why? Are you going on vacation? Then I will come with you too." she started blabbering not giving me a chance to correct her. I placed my hands on her shoulder to stop her.Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

"No, Joanna! I applied there for the course and I got in. I will be able to learn under a famous chef and I will be able to fulfill my dream of opening a restaurant." I confessed without looking into her eyes. I don't want to see anger or something else in her eyes, I can't handle that.

"Hey! Look at me!" I raised my head and looked at her but there was nothing but concern and worry shining in her eyes.

"Did you think I am going to get angry? And scold you for thinking about yourself?" She raised her brows in question waiting for me to answer her but I couldn't because I didn't know what to answer as I thought about it.

"Wow! So you really thought like that! But Fay, I am not Ezra and I will never ask you to do something you don't want to and I will never force anything on you." I know she is not Ezra and she will always support whatever I decide even if I murder someone she will still help me to hide the body.

"And I am really happy for you, Fay! You will get a breath of fresh air in New York and you get to live your life on your terms." I can clearly hear what she is implying indirectly but I don't want to dwell on that and just enjoy my time with my best friend.

"Thanks, Joe! Can we just go to the mall and raid all the shops till our hands come off with the shopping bags?" I yelled, making woohoo sounds. She covered her ears to stop my voice from tearing her eardrums. I can be a carefree child sometimes when some handsome asshole is not controlling me. Ugh, I need to wipe him out of my head.

"Stop yelling unless you want us to be here till evening." She narrowed her eyes at me, challenging me and I know she is the stubborn one between us. I raised my hands in surrender and sat in my seat like a meek mouse. We parked our car in the parking lot of the mall and I exited the car with so much excitement for the first time in weeks. I am really loving this and I want to be like this till I leave this place. Being happy makes you chirpy and healthy and I was wasting my health and happiness on someone who clearly doesn't deserve it.

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"Where do you want to go first?" Joanna asked, both of us entering the mall and I already decided where I wanted to start my shopping from.

"Why don't we start our shopping spree with some fancy dresses I need for the parties in New York." I danced my eyebrows suggestively at her to which she laughed and I joined her. I know she is not taking me seriously because I have never attended any parties before but everything is going to change once I land in the city.

"I was being serious, Joanna! Let's go and get them." I started making my way towards the shops where I can find the dresses I would like. It takes us nearly an hour to get all the party dresses and some t-shirts, jeans, and pajamas. My legs are aching and my stomach is growling loudly like a hungry tiger.

I

"I am hungry!" I groaned, stopping in my tracks. Joanna stopped too and looked towards her left and a mischievous smile appeared on her face making my eyes narrow in suspicion. Mischievous Joanna is a dangerous one.

"What is it?" I asked, still looking at her suspiciously. What is it that makes her smile like a clown? I turned my head toward the direction she was looking and my eyes got wide with shock a blush covered my face and I whipped my head so fast that I thought it broke.

"We are not going in there, Joanna!" I stood my ground not moving even an inch from there.

"What? It's just Victoria's secret where we can find sexy lingerie and nightwear, not an adult toys shop. Relax and follow me, you need these to woo those New York boys." she winked at me making me more shy and embarrassed about the ordeal. I always bought these things online and I know I am a modern girl but these things make me nervous and shy.

"Please Joanna, I can buy them online. We don't have to do this now." I pleaded with her but she is so stubborn that sometimes I want to flip her hard on her forehead. She dragged me into the shop, but there was not much rush in there making me relax a bit.

"Look, you are a big girl and it is not a big deal to buy something sexy for you and it's not legal nor a crime." I took a deep breath and looked around myself to choose something sexy for myself. Like everything is changing, I need to change myself too. I should come out of my shell and be confident and bold in my skin and about the things I like and want to do.

Joanna and I already picked most of the lingerie pairs and nightwear and I am just scrolling through the racks when I hear a giggle and a voice from the corner. It sounds somewhat familiar. I don't know why but my stomach dropped and my heart screamed at me to go and check but my head is screaming to stop being stupid and go my way I will always hear my heart so stupidly I took steps towards the direction cursing at my stupidity.

When I was a few steps away from the changing room I stopped. Why was I being stupid? And why do I have to go and check who is in there and why their voices sound familiar? I am the problem and I will always break my heart with my own stupidity.

I took another shaky step toward the corner and my legs got rooted to the scene playing in front of me. My eyes got wide with shock and anger seeing Ezra straddled by none other than Mitchelle in only a bikini. This is nothing new to me seeing them together but I saw them like this for the first time kissing and dry humping each other.

They don't have any shame that they are in public but who cares when he is a billionaire and can easily buy this entire shop. I gritted my teeth at the unwanted anger and jealousy which is swirling inside me. If I need to move one then I need to keep this picture in my mind that Ezra Miller doesn't give a fuck about me and my feelings. He just used me and took my virginity like it was not a big deal. I am just another one on his list.

Before they caught me standing there and watching them like a creep, I turned around and stormed towards the counter to pay for the things I selected. I am not going to spoil my mood and my shopping spree because of them. Joanna rushed towards me with her things and dumped them on the counter. I masked my anger and hurt not to worry her.

"Are you done?" she asked, looking at the things I selected with appreciative nods. I hummed at her question and anxiously stood there to get it done with because I don't want Ezra to see me and especially I don't want to see his face at all. "We will go to McDonald's which is on the first floor once we pay, okay?" I don't think I can be here in the same place as them.

"Why don't we go to my house and I will whip something out for us? I am not up for outside food right now." I made up a lie and I hope she buys it and at last she bought it.

We paid the bill and I ran from the shop like my tail is on fire but in reality, I don't want to spoil my mood by showing how much they affect me to my best friend and especially him. I am going to wipe out Ezra Miller from my head, heart, and life forever. He is nothing to me.