I’m Sorry
TangShi held her breath as the sound of the familiar and confident steps of YuZhi strolled in, her skin goose bumping all over at his presence. Even if she didn’t like him, her body could still differentiate between him and others in the house like a weird sixth sense, his looming aura of being nearby. She sunk down under the sheets and closed her eyes tight. She wanted to be asleep before he came up tonight and now, she would have to pretend given it was early for him to be up here.
She lay as still as a statue as she listened to him wander into his study, right across from the bed, after he entered the room but he left the door open and didn’t seem intent on settling in there to work. Not that he used it much anyway. He came back out a moment later, seemed to dump something like a file on the dresser, and then proceeded into the bathroom by walking past her side of the bed and shut the door.
TangShi peeked her head out and squinted at the glimmer of light under the bathroom door and it made her heart sink. The sound of the shower causing her to swallow heavily in dread. It could only mean he was getting ready for bed and had no intention of leaving again. He always showered last, no matter what, as he liked to be clean before going to sleep. She had thought, like always, he would come up here later as for now it wasn’t even nine Pm yet and he was already washing in readiness. YuZhi never slept before eleven normally.
TangShi cursed him under her breath and turned on her side to will herself to sleep quickly and ended up staring at the smooth wall in front of her like a blank listless being. Her body tense and her heart hammering as she began to count the shadows that crisscrossed across the pale décor filtering from the window coverings. She flinched with every noise that came from the bathroom, well aware she was building herself up into a nervous mess. Counting the seconds until he came in here and feeling stupid that he affected her this much.
Today had been a weird one and his attitude seemed off, more moody than normal and had set her on edge. He had been testy at dinner, picking her apart while she ate and looking for things to criticise. He seemed to be all over her, nagging that she ate too little, then too fast, then too much, and it was oppressive as hell to eat like that. He bickered with her over dessert because he could. Unhappy with everything from how she held her spoon, to her clinking her water glass, and then coldly told her to leave when Rhea showed up to visit and have tea with the Lengs. His tone all evening had been snappish and harsh, and no one dared to mention it, not even grandfather who threw him questioning glances every so often. Rhea even stayed silent when she was chased away with a grim expression. It was like a major row was building between them for no apparent reason, just when she was beginning to think life here was settling into a routine she could deal with.
He had a bug in his ass, and she didn’t want to know why. She just wanted him to leave her alone, but him coming up at this hour could only spell trouble. Her gut said he was looking to find his torture toy to irritate her more. That his only reason for an early night was to carry on and have that row with her.
YuZhi didn’t take long to shower and dress in light sleeping attire and headed out to the bedroom with damp hair and a towel draped around his shoulders casually. TangShi screwed her eyes shut and kept as still as possible to fool him into thinking she truly was asleep, but he didn’t seem to care. He glanced towards the body in the huge bed and smirked to himself. He was not in the mood for her today at all and just the sight of her at dinner had pissed him off.
He normally wasn’t one to take his pissy feelings out on other people, but she was an easy target and today he couldn’t get over how much he hated being married to her. He had enough reminders all day.Content protected by Nôv/el(D)rama.Org.
He picked up the dryer and tended his hair as noisily as he could, knocking his brush on the counter, seemingly intent on bashing it repeatedly. Not concerned if the racket disturbed her, and then proceeded to turn on lamps around the space as he wandered and illuminated the room in an unnecessary way. TangShi honestly felt like he was purposely trying to wake or disturb her and fought the will to turn and glare at him. Instead, she held still, didn’t move a muscle, and gritted her teeth in stubbornness as if she was sound asleep and so far into dreamland that his presence wasn’t felt. Her fury rising with every bump and thud he made around her.
“I know you’re awake. I can tell by how you’re lying. After a few weeks in my bed, I know the difference.” YuZhi pointed out with a blank expression and no kind of emotion to his words, while TangShi tensed and clenched her fists into balls under the sheets. Her anger spiking because he just admitted he was goading her.
She had no idea what was eating him today, but it was clear he was honing in for her and wouldn’t be happy until he had her bite back.
“How anyone could sleep with all that noise and storming around? Don’t you know how to behave when someone is already in bed? You’re so ignorant!” She turned around snappily, forgetting her act of being asleep and locked her eyes on his arrogant face. Her face pinched and her expression sour as dislike beamed his way. YuZhi only shrugged with one shoulder, seemingly pleased with her instant fury and relaxed his posture into a casual lounge.
“Why pretend then? Are you avoiding me?” He smirked, pulling off the towel from his shoulder and threw it across the bed into the hamper by the other corner with perfect aim. Missing her by inches. Acting like Mr Control and owning the bedroom, which annoyed her further. TangShi shook her head in disbelief at this man’s manner, at a loss for words, and turned her back on him again.
“It’s not like I have reason to not avoid you. You have been like a bear with a sore head from the minute you walked in and it seems I have somehow offended you!” She huffed to herself, her voice muffled as she pulled up the covers over her face and tried to settle back down into a comfortable position. She was going to ignore him and not show he was riling her. After all, she knew it’s what he wanted.
“You’re my wife. You should be waiting up to see if I need anything before bed… maybe take care of me a little. Tend to my mood….. or sleep elsewhere and leave me alone. Either is fine.” YuZhi mocked, in a tight tone that barely disguised his underlying sarcasm and brimming bad temper. He was in a weirder mood tonight after she left the dinner table, unable to shake his irritation, and yet again, couldn’t stop himself from seeking her out and trying to rile his little woman even though he told her to leave. It was becoming a really annoying urge that he didn’t understand and had no control over. When she was there he wanted her gone, but when she was gone he needed to follow her and create conflict.
Two contracts fell through today and problems arose with the Lei collaboration that gave him a migraine and would take weeks to resolve. Dealing with TangShi’s father for three hours of his day reminded him of every reason he abhorred this forced fucking marriage. The man was unbearable. It drove home how sordid and shit this contract between their families was and how he was basically held hostage to produce an heir before he could get his life back. That he got no say in who the mother of his first born would be, when he would become a father, or how he wanted to live his own god damn life. He had never felt real resentment towards his position or family for this until today, and now he was simmering and hateful and looking to rage it out. She was to blame in his eyes and here he was.
“You sent me to bed … To sleep! To get away from you!” TangShi turned on him once more, stating it as an accusation, blanching at his words. Never understanding this push and pull thing he did with her. Over these past weeks she really felt like sometimes he was warming to her, starting to accept their fate and give her a little breathing space. He improved, mellowed, and let her alone sometimes. Then other days, like today, that venom of their first encounter returned and he treated her like the enemy. She could feel his dislike and disdain for her like it was pulsing in the room between them and it wounded her to the core.
“I changed my mind. I need my wife to massage my shoulders a little, because I’m tense. Today’s workload was heavy, and I can’t unwind.” YuZhi had no idea why this was the first thing that came to mind and could only conclude that making her touch him would infuriate her in a whole new way. At times he couldn’t understand his own head or the way his mouth said words he didn’t pre-plan or even mean. Last thing he wanted was her touching him, in any kind of way, but he’d said it now. If he didn’t have physical outlets to blow off steam, then massage did help and she was the only person around who he could ask to do it without it being weird. He sighed internally, shaking his head at himself for wherever his brain had gone.
“Are you kidding?” TangShi sat upright fast and scowled at him through lowered lashes of a sneer. The last thing she had the urge to do was massage him. If he wanted one, he could go ask his girlfriend and leave her be.
“We’ll do more than that tomorrow night, so maybe you should get used to being physical in other ways. After all, as your husband it’s my right to have you touch me when I need it.” He shrugged like he really didn’t care at all, like tomorrow night wasn’t a big deal either and sat down on his side of the bed. Truth be told, he was stressed about that too, resented it also, and this act was getting to him on a whole other level. He would be glad when they didn’t have to stick to a script and play at stupid set ups.
Now that Rhea had been publicly making their relationship as best friends obvious, and the scandal of their breakup was old news, there was an official double date planned for the three of them and an actor friend. Stage two of transitioning to a new woman to avoid a new outcry from his fans.
Je Hyun was popular right now as a drama actor and he was a good enough friend to pretend to date Rhea without actually doing it. Notable enough to be remembered and with the acting ability to pull it off. It wasn’t YuZhi’s idea of fun. To be out with TangShi for the first time making it obvious romance was blooming between them, while the woman he loved cuddled up to one of his closest friends to prove there was no love left. The thought of it made him sick to his stomach.
He turned and pulled his night shirt off in one even swoop, aggravated at reminding himself about the damn date. Annoyed that he had nowhere to vent tonight except here as ZhengLi had prior arrangements elsewhere and he couldn’t be bothered with anyone else’s company. Seeing Rhea was too risky, and he didn’t have the energy for it either. All she did nowadays was get emotional, question his time with TangShi, get more insecure and cry at the stupidest thing. He was finding it hard on his own and she was making it harder.
TangShi’s face burned with heat as she turned her eyes away from his naked upper torso. Outraged yet also mortified he would take his clothes off in front of her again. Her heart rate escalating, and her body temperature soaring, making her feel breathless all in one go. She had given up trying to deny that she still found him attractive, because in all honesty YuZhi was gorgeous. There was something about him that no other man had ever compared to.
“I don’t want to. I’m tired, go to sleep.” She stammered out, hiding her crimson face by pulling the sheet up to her upright position, but YuZhi was persistent. He could sense her anger and knew the coy act wasn’t fake. This girl was not one to spend her time with half naked men if this is how she reacted, and despite himself, it eased his mood a little. Weird stuff like this was becoming common between them and he stopped trying to analyse it when he realised she always pulled contradictory feelings out of him.
“You’re refusing to give your husband some much needed stress relief. What kind of cold and heartless woman are you? Come here… it’s the least you can do. We’re already married, so come touch me, there has to be some perk to living with you.” YuZhi turned to her, intent on a massage now he pushed it this far and leaned over, catching her wrist to pull her closer to him. His strong hand enveloping her delicate small limb too easily and his tug was harsh for someone of her size. He overestimated her weight, strength, and position and pulled her like he would a heavy man resisting.
TangShi lurched forward with momentum, a little too easily given how small she was compared to him and somehow ended up on her knees in a flash, which boosted her up and over clumsily. She lost her balance, arms flailing wide as he let go of her and fell completely on top of YuZhi in an awkward fashion that sent both tumbling backwards. He hadn’t expected this weird manoeuvre or her sudden collapse on top of him, so was unprepared to have his bride suddenly jerk up and come tumbling down with speed.
He grappled his arms out to counteract the uneven weight load on how he was bent over. Instinct had him throw his hands to her waist to grab onto an anchor as she knocked him over like a ten pin.
They ended up falling from the bed, his arms encircling the small frame of the woman coming with him and they landed on the polished wood floor with a heavy thud. Him shielding her and taking the full brunt on his back while grasping her tightly to make sure she wouldn’t go flying away on her own and injure herself. It wasn’t his mind that chose this way of falling with her, but a deep instinct to protect someone smaller and delicate. YuZhi had always been a man who had strong protective reactions.
TangShi’s nose bumped YuZhi’s cheek firmly as he grunted with the ooomph of being landed on. They both exhaled with an impacted ‘Ugh’ and came face to face in a compromising moulding of two bodies. Eye to eye, lips an inch apart, and noses side by side when everything stilled. Stunned into silence at this unexpected accident. It was intimate as hell and rendered both mute. TangShi and YuZhi’s heart rates accelerated in union although neither was aware.
TangShi froze, her eyes stuck on YuZhi’s as his widened in shock and realized he was restricted under her slight frame while her limbs were hanging around him in the least innocent way. Body parts pressed against one another suggestively, her knees on either side of his thighs, her palms stuck to his naked shoulders, while wearing a skimpy silk nightdress and he wasn’t wearing much in the way of clothes. Right under his chin was an impressive view of her cleavage that was boosted by being on his pecks and he was aware it was in his line of vision. Every inch of her was glued to every inch of him and only separated by thin layers of satin.
His build dwarfed her slender curves and even as a cold man with no sexual urges for her, he still had a heated reaction in his pants to feeling her this way. His hands had somehow made their way from her lower back to the upper curve of her ass in the tumble and he removed them fast, in slight panic, as though she burned him.
TangShi’s face reddened to the colour of beetroot. She cringed at the contact, pulled back to untangle herself while inwardly freaking out and dying of shame at the same time. This was so not what she had in mind when she came up here tonight. YuZhi seemed rooted to the spot, motionless apart from letting her go and holding his hands up by his sides in a surrender pose as he stared at her with a strange expression.
He had lost all thoughts of anything else when her body and his collided, yet a sense of familiar stirred inside of him, just like once before. Her lips so close, her pretty eyes on his which seemed to somehow silence him. The unique scent of this woman that was more alluring than any expensive perfume had had ever smelled on Rhea and brought back aching longing of the past. Once again Alice strayed into his head without invitation and set off the pangs of regret.
It stirred that strange painful emotion in his chest and he felt like he’d been here before, all over again. A long-forgotten faded memory that held him still and quiet while his brain tried to rack through and pinpoint why TangShi was the one that made him feel this way. Pressed to her, breathing her air, it knocked him for six for just a second. He forgot his need to bully her, forgot to move, and even forgot how to breathe when she was this close.
TangShi hit hysterical panic and thrust herself up in a bid to escape. Her body on fire and her mind running haywire at all the inappropriate ways they were touching. She was mortified, and her face crimson. She pulled herself into a crawl position to get her body off his, sliding legs up onto his thighs, pushing against his strong chest to lever her weight and somehow managed to kneel on his groin with force. It almost killed him in the process with the unexpected and non-deliberate assault.
YuZhi reacted like a wounded animal, crunching up with a yelp, suddenly tensing all over like she stabbed him in the balls. Grunting as he curled up and tossed her sideways from his body with a groan. He sent her flying off him at speed, ungraciously. TangShi rolling with a bounce onto the hardwood and banging bones and limbs while he crumpled up and covered his genitals with two cupped hands.
“You!…. Why are you such an asshole?” TangShi burst out because of wincing pain. Anger and embarrassment colouring her tone snappishly. She sounded haughty and upset as tears filled her eyes because of sharp shooting spasms up her elbow and hip. The thud of her exposed skin on the hardwood floor had hurt and winded her, giving her a painful shock.
She pushed her body up from the place he had deposited her like unwanted trash, clambering to her feet, and pulled her nightdress straight while stomping away from him. Not willing to let him see she was starting to cry even though crying wasn’t something she often did. Her eyes misted over because it had not only hurt bones when he dropped her onto the wooden floor so coldly, but her pride. In that one throw she had felt like he was tossing away disgusting garbage and it wounded her heart. Even though she should expect it from him.
She had no idea it was a pain reaction from squashing his genitals with her knee and he hadn’t meant to be so aggressive in moving her off. YuZhi actually felt guilty about shoving her, but he was in too much discomfort to say anything yet. He needed a moment for the burning ache to subside and to be able to catch his breath for a moment before he could make words work. She had no idea how excruciatingly painful this was. TangShi was maybe small and light, but not when she pushed a knee into his baby making tackle.
YuZhi was temporarily stunned and blinked her way through watery eyes as she stormed off and got into bed like a petulant kitten who had been scolded. Unable to do very much about it except pray it would pass quickly.
“You threw yourself at me, and yet I’m the asshole?” He responded finally, breathless, his voice croaking. That cool manner of his slicing in to get the last word and even he knew that isn’t what happened. He was still too lost in his own head, his throbbing injury, and trying to figure out why this girl screwed up all his reactions. Why his body hadn’t rejected her, and his heart was hammering from having her on top of him. He couldn’t get the scent of her skin out of his nostrils, and it was trying to drag him back to something lingering in his mind.
YuZhi pushed it away with irritation at his own weakness and got up carefully. Rolling to his side while being slow and precise about standing up and taking a much-needed deep breath. She had no idea how sore that was and how ZhengLi would be nursing a broken face had it been him to knee him in the balls.
YuZhi started walking off what she just did to him, returning to aloof and controlled on the outer appearance before stopping by the bed to look at her. Pushing all other emotions away to regain the upper hand in this, he didn’t want to lose face more than he had already.
“I have nothing to say to you.” TangShi mumbled like a weak and scolded child from her wrapped up place in the bed where she was now hiding in the sheets. She was stiff as a board on the far edge of her side and making herself as small as possible. Making it clear he should stay away.
She too was suffering from the effects of his familiar touch and began to cry softly as the vivid and clear memories of five years ago started to gnaw at her mind. They brought her only pain and remembrance that once upon a time he had held her close, kissed her lips swollen, and gazed at her like she was his only. She had never believed in love at first sight until she had met YuZhi Leng that fateful night and never imagined he could treat her with the contempt he did nowadays. He made her feel alone in this house, more so than she ever was in her own.
YuZhi felt uncomfortable standing watching her obvious despair and the encounter didn’t bring him any sense of entertainment like he had expected when he began to tease her. Instead, he felt weird and awkward, and her body heat and weight still clung to his skin like he hadn’t pushed her away. He didn’t like this uncertain and confusing feeling, and his manner dropped completely to his famed deadpan as he pushed it away and didn’t let it show. The mask coming up to shield the war of inner feelings. He was unhappy that he had made her cry, even if she was trying to act like she wasn’t.
“I have work to do so go to sleep. I won’t be in bed until I’m done. Don’t disturb me…… I’m sorry I pushed you, I didn’t mean it. It was a reaction. I’m sorry I hurt you.” YuZhi didn’t wait for a reply, his apology brisk and quick in a rush of words but marched off towards his office and glanced back despite himself as he got to the door. A slight hesitation in his normally decisive behaviours.
She didn’t move from her little cave of covers and for the first time since he met her, YuZhi felt shitty about hurting her. He wasn’t a guy who got a kick out of pushing women around and he would never hit one. A flicker of guilt that teasing her wasn’t all that fun if she responded to him with tears instead of rage. He knew it was probably because he physically hurt her, not a mental or emotional kind of upset and yet, it bothered him a lot. He could deal with her glares, her temper, or her sarcasm, but he didn’t like hearing her cry. He was human after all. And she was a girl.
He walked off into his study, deciding tonight he would sleep in there on the pull-out couch instead and give her some space, hating himself that when he turned to shut the door, he lingered again. Staring at the mound in the bed and cursing himself out for being soft all because she turned on the waterworks. He always was a sucker for girls crying. He exhaled slowly, forced himself to shut the door and turned around to rest the back of his skull against the flat wooden surface.
He really needed to get a grip where she was concerned because this wasn’t him at all and he needed to remind himself that TangShi was not someone he should ever care about.