Forbidden Desire

I tried to open my mouth to say something, but the way I clung to his shirt made it clear how much I needed him. I reluctantly slid off his lap, only releasing his shirt to grab his hand. He seemed to know exactly what I needed, and as we entered the elevator, he pulled me close, pressing my face against his chest. I wasn’t even paying attention to my surroundings; when we entered his apartment, I didn’t notice anything except him guiding me to a room that I knew was his because it carried his beloved scent. He laid me down on the bed, covering me with a blanket. As he moved to leave, I pulled him back. He looked into my eyes, and I didn’t need to say anything; he simply lay down beside me, staying silent as I cried on his chest until my tears dried.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that until I finally calmed down, but when I realized it, I had fallen asleep, listening to the rhythmic beats of his heart, bringing me an unknown peace. When I woke up, my head ached from crying so much, and it took me a few seconds to recognize the room I was in. I looked around and noticed he wasn’t in bed. Feeling disoriented, I reached for my phone in my pocket and saw that it was already past three in the afternoon. Panic set in when I remembered he had a work trip scheduled for today. My heart squeezed at the thought of him leaving, and now I didn’t know how I would get through this alone. I began to cry again because honestly, I didn’t even know how to breathe at this moment, let alone summon the courage to go to college and present my work to avoid failing.

I collapsed onto the bed and simply decided to stay there, clutching Jihoon’s pillow, trying to calm myself with his scent until I heard his voice in the distance, and my heart raced. His flight was at eleven in the morning; what was he doing here? I got out of bed and decided to follow his voice, leaving the room to find a corridor leading to a large, well-lit living room filled with paintings and small sculptures. When I found him, he was in the kitchen, unpacking some food containers from a paper bag while arguing with someone on the phone.

“It doesn’t matter! Reschedule it! I can’t leave Korea right now, if the brand doesn’t understand that, then cancel the contract!”

He said decisively, listening for a while until he seemed to get irritated.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m not asking how much I’ll lose. This money means nothing to me! None of this matters. I’m not leaving Korea for the next few months, and if I have to change my schedule, I will, if I have to pay a fine, I will. You’ll have to sort all of this out yourself; that’s what I pay you for! I’m hanging up now and I won’t be answering the phone again today, so just figure everything out for me, please!”

He hung up, looking annoyed, and I felt terrible for causing him problems. He took a deep breath, then turned to see me there. The serious expression on his face softened into a slight smile as he approached and pulled me into a hug.

“Hey. Feeling better? I was just about to call you to eat.”

I nodded as I sought refuge in his arms once again. I looked at him, and though I was glad he was here, I felt guilty for making him miss his flight.

“I’m bothering you, aren’t I?”

He seemed confused, then glanced at his phone, realizing what I meant.

“No. Never! Jane, I would never leave you alone. I couldn’t do that in any way.”

“But I don’t want to inconvenience you. You should’ve gone!”

He looked at my hand, unconsciously clutching his shirt, showing how much I needed him, and his eyes sparkled at me.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now. Just here with you! Now let’s eat because we have a little one to feed.”

I placed my hand on my stomach unconsciously, and he looked at me as if asking for permission. I nodded, and he placed his hand on mine, giving me a beautiful smile that left me breathless for a few seconds. I averted my gaze from him for some reason I couldn’t even understand.

“I… I’m not hungry.”

“But you need to eat, and I’m a convincing person who canceled all my appointments to watch over you, so if necessary, I’ll even feed you like a baby just so you can eat a little.”

It was impossible not to smile, even slightly, at how he took care of me, and I ended up giving in. He had ordered food from a Brazilian restaurant, and I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I started eating. There was no shortage of conversation between us, although I noticed he was just trying to distract me with so many things he was saying. After we ate, he showed me around the apartment, and everything here seemed to scream his name. I wanted to go back to bed, but he simply wouldn’t let me.

We went to his closet to find some clothes that fit me, and we ended up laughing when we realized that several of his clothes fit a woman easily. He picked out some of these clothes along with some pajamas so that I could go to college and sleep peacefully until I figured out how to get my clothes from Jason’s. Of course, I would only take my things and not take anything he gave me; I would probably call my aunt and ask her to pick them up for me. Speaking of my aunt, she probably didn’t know anything yet and was probably worried, so I had to call her, but I didn’t have the strength to do so.

As the day went on and the time for my presentation approached, I became increasingly nervous. When I arrived at college, I saw people around me and just wanted to run away. Jihoon was wearing a hat and mask, but sooner or later, he would be recognized simply because he was with me, but he didn’t seem to care about that. When we reached the auditorium of the college, I saw Eunji giving his presentation, and he frowned when he saw me holding hands with Jihoon. After his presentation, a few more people presented, and when it was my turn, I felt a huge pain in my chest that felt like I was going to die right there. I stepped onto the stage, seeing everyone looking at me, and my body started to tremble.

“And then, Jane, explain the concept of your painting.”

She said simply, waiting for me to start speaking, but I just couldn’t. I looked at the auditorium, seeing some students there laughing at the fact that I had frozen, and I just wanted to run away. When I realized I couldn’t, I ran out of the auditorium and saw Eunji and Jihoon coming after me. Eunji reached me first because Jihoon went to talk to my teacher about something I didn’t know what it was. Already outside the auditorium, Eunji caught up with me, and when he saw that I was in tears, he panicked.

“Jane, what happened?”

He pulled me into a hug, and I simply clung to him, crying even more.

“I can’t do this. I can’t!”

“Of course, you can. You’re the most capable person in our class!”

He took my face in his hands, wiping away my tears that kept falling.

“Look, I don’t know what happened, but I know without a doubt that you can do it.”

I saw Jihoon approaching, and he clenched his jaw when he saw me so close to Eunji.

“I talked to your teacher; she gave you another chance to make the presentation, but you need to get on stage in no more than 10 minutes.”

I looked at him, noticing how upset he seemed because I was close to Eunji, and I went to him, and he immediately hugged me.

“I can’t, Ji! Today, of all days, I can’t do it.”

He made me look at him, and looking into his eyes, I felt like I could do anything.

“You told me the same thing on the day you won the contest. You are the strongest, most interesting, and incredible person I know. I’m sure your presentation will be the best of the night, and if you feel like you can’t present in front of those people, present to me. Look at me, and I’ll be repeating the words of your presentation because I know them by heart.”

He smiled, and I nodded.

“Okay. For you, and because of you, I’ll do it.”

He smiled and led me back to the auditorium. When I stepped onto the stage for the second time, I heard some laughter, but I did as he asked and focused only on him. For a moment, it felt like there was no one else here, and I ended up smiling because no matter where we were, as long as I looked at him, the rest of the world seemed to disappear. I took a deep breath and began the presentation, seeing him whispering the words along with me.

I didn’t think I could do it, but with him by my side, I felt like I could do anything. When I finished the presentation, everyone applauded standing up, and the teacher gave me the highest grade. I got off the stage, heading towards Jihoon, but Eunji came to me first and greeted me with a hug. I could tell how much this bothered Jihoon, so I shortened the hug as much as I could. I went to Jihoon and threw myself into his arms, clinging to his neck.

“See? I told you you could do it.”

I stepped back just enough to look at him and smiled.

“With you by my side, I can do anything. Thank you for being with me!”

“I’ll always be with you!”

Those words echoed in my head, and I smiled because I knew they were true. I saw him looking seriously at someone behind me, and I realized it was Eunji who hadn’t taken his eyes off us.

“Don’t worry about him. He’s just a friend.”ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“Is he? He seems to like you.”

He lowered his head, looking sad, and I made him look at me.

“But I only see him as a friend. Besides, I just came out of a relationship; I don’t want to get involved now, and when I’m ready. If you want, it’s you I’ll want to be with.”